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Still in the closet! But how can I meet guys without being overt about it?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DragonLvr9999, Sep 16, 2012.

  1. DragonLvr9999

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    Like the title says I am still in the closet, how can I go about meeting any nice guys without revealing myself. I scared to go out to a gay bar in fear that someone may recognize means I'm afraid to post my picture online. How can I go about this? Any advice will help.
     
  2. King

    King Guest

    Essentially you can't.

    That is, if you want to meet a guy as a potential boyfriend. Or even gay guy friends. If you aren't willing to put your picture online or go to a gay bar then the chances of you meeting someone are slim. It's happened, though. Just meet guys in general, I guess, and maybe you'll find a gay one.
    Good luck. x
     
  3. BudderMC

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    ^ that's pretty much it. The only viable way you'd meet someone if you aren't going to advertise at all is if some guy happens to come up to you and happens to ask you out. But if that happens, it's probably gonna be in public, which I'm guessing you don't want.

    Think about it this way for a second: how are you supposed to sell a car if nobody knows it's up for sale? Sure, you can drive it around to show people it's there... but the majority of people (even if they're looking for a car) won't inquire since they'll assume it's not for sale.

    That's effectively what you're doing when trying to meet someone while closeted.

    I think a more important question is: why aren't you willing to advertise yourself at all?

    (note: I use "advertise" due to lack of a better word; it's not to imply that people are objects to be desired and all that fun stuff)
     
  4. DragonLvr9999

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    I get what you guys are telling me and your right, I do need to put myself out there but I'm afraid I will be outed. I have been to a few gay bars before and I had a good time every time I've been but like I said I'm afraid to run into someone who recognizes me.
     
  5. mnguy

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    Hi Dragon, if your luck is anything like mine, you'll probably never just randomly meet a gay guy you like. I read about that happening to lots of people on here which is great for them, depressing for me, but leaves a tiny shred of hope that decreases exponentially every year. I hope you get one of those, "I have a crush on my best friend, he came out and turns out he has a crush on me too and now we're madly in love and getting married next year, yay!!" stories. I do mean that sincerely. Good luck to you! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Pret Allez

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    What makes you feel unsafe about that right now?
     
  7. DragonLvr9999

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    I don't understand your question.
     
  8. BudderMC

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    ^ you're describing your situation under the premise of "I am not currently and do not intend to come out in order to meet guys".

    So... why? Yes, putting yourself out there is kind of an important element to meeting people, but it becomes a hell of a lot easier if you're out, as it alleviates some of that fear of someone who knows you seeing you while you're at somewhere suspicious.
     
  9. AlexR

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    Yes I am having the same issue, but I do not want people to know until I am sure my self. If you find a solution let me know, but also know your not alone with your problems.

    Does this website facilitate some sort of private place to do this sort of thing, if not why? It seems like the perfect place to do it, other than the distances between us all.
     
  10. awesomeyodais

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    Even though it makes things astronomically complicated, it's possible to have a relationship without coming out (you kinda have to tell that one person tho lol).

    However if that's the way you choose for now, probably best to stick to other closeted guys, cause it's not fair to ask someone who is out to essentially go back in and hide who he is whenever he's in public with you or even not have you present at his important family/friend events (birthdays parties holidays etc).
     
  11. Ljssussex

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    I am in the same situation. Want to meet someone but scared someone who knows me will find out..

    Easiest way I think is through friends of friends, so that means I need one gay guy who I can be friends with, who may introduce me to others without having to go to bars and clubs (which is not me)...

    So I have identified the challenge and possibly a solution but need the staring point and the courage to do it, which is a whole different story.

    Good luck will be eager to hear how it goes!
     
  12. rockgodgx

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    another place to meet a gay guy either at the gym or starbucks trust me!!
     
  13. DragonLvr9999

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    Hahaha Starbucks, that's pretty funny but you know what maybe I'll just give it a try. I was Kane een thinking of driving up to LA to go to a bar. That should be far enough to not run into anyone I know.....hopefully. Does anyone know a good bar with guys 21-26, that's my age bracket. I'm 25.
     
  14. VivaLaVida

    VivaLaVida Guest

    Also interested, if you happen to find a good one let me know.