This isn't really a concern related to being gay, but I was hoping I could ask anyway. I'm was given up for adoption at around 1.5 years of age because my biological mother simply didn't have the resources to take care of me or my half-brother, so I don't really remember anything about her from then. I got curious and was able to find her current name and phone number in a short period of time, and called her shortly after. It took me a while to talk to her again, and even longer with any regularity, but I ended up meeting her and her family several months ago. The concern: She has expressed a desire for me to call her Mom, and not call her by name. Its easy to say I don't have a problem with it, but for some reason it feels really awkward/uncomfortable to think about let alone do. I want to call her mom because I know she really wants to hear me say it, and part of me kinda wants to say it too. While I could easily make myself say it regardless of any [uncertainty?] I may have (after all, I've said and done things for others my whole life without regard to myself), but I don't think it would be fair to her to do so in this situation. So, rather than just do it or not, I want to understand the issue to be able to decide truthfully and fairly. I may have to figure out what's causing it to figure out the issue, but I'm really more concerned with just understanding what my issue even is. I just can't figure out why I have any issue with it. I've shut off my emotions for so long, as I assume a defense mechanism, so finally trying to deal with them when I haven't for so long isn't making the process any easier to understand. I don't hate her for putting me up for adoption, as I understand the logic behind her decision, so I don't think its that, but I do feel something. Not hate... but I don't know. I do like her as person for the most part, from phone conversations and the one time we met in person, so I just can't understand my hesitation coming from a point of dislike. I've hated my adoptive parents, my adoptive mother in particular, for a long long time, so that may have something to do with it. Things got especially sour with them once they put me in a "Christian Children's Home" my freshman year of high-school, a "boot camp" in the eighth grade, and forced me to change schools in the seventh grade because my friends did not go to the "Church of Christ" and were, therefore, evil sinners destined for Hell and not acceptable company. Even with all that said, though, I still can't pinpoint the issue if it is coming from that. I just don't know... I really want to call her mom. I've never felt like I have a family, or even felt like I wanted one. Despite never feeling like I needed, or even wanted, one, part of me really wants to call her mom... wants to have a family. *Sigh* I just can't figure why I can't say it. Sorry for the rant/sob-story. Just needed to type it out, and hoped someone might have some words of wisdom. Even if not, I feel slightly better having typed it all out.
Don't pretend like you owe her anything. You seem to feel like you do. She gave you up for adoption, which essentially states that she thought herself more important than you. If you reject her, she deserves it. The bottom line is that you're the only one who knows how you feel and you should make the call on this.
Why dont you talk to her about this, I'm sure she will be understanding. You probably do have some discontentment with, maybe not her, but the situation. If she hadnt of put you up for adoption, you wouldnt have had to deal with the problems that you did. Which you know you cant rightfully blame on her, but there is still pain there. For instance there was just a story about a husband that took his toddler daughter out to go to the store, and ended up in a car crash. The daughter was believed to not be properly secured, but either way she died on impact. The story was about how long it took the wife to forgive her husband. It wasnt truthfully his fault, but when we go through painful experiences we cant always bounce back like everythings fine. So you will feel awkward with the situation, and it may be something that must be dicussed in the open before its settle.
