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Going back to him?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SriManayaDasan, Sep 16, 2012.

  1. Okay, here's the issue:

    About 6 months ago, my first, and only, boyfriend and I broke up. I was supposed to go to college halfway across the state and was going to be there for about 2 1/2 years. I figured that it would be easier for us to end the relationship. I mean, I was going to move to a city with a Metro population of roughly 2 million people; a lot could happen in 2 1/2 years.

    I didn't go to that college. I'm attending a school near my hometown.

    So what happened?

    I got my financial aid information back and found out that I wasn't eligible for HOPE; even though my GPA said otherwise. I was only eligible for personal loans (up to roughly $5000 per semester) or parental loans ($15,000 per semester). I called the school and they told me that I wasn't a state citizen (which I quite am) and that I wasn't eligible for anything other than loans. I didn't want loans that huge and my parents are already in huge debt from my mom getting her Specialist degree in special education. I bit the bullet and applied for a local state university, which I am currently attending.

    A week later, I told my ex and he said "do you want to get back together"? I told him "No". Despite that, we still talk, text and have occasionally met up to fool around.

    So what's the problem?

    Towards the end of the relationship, after I applied for the first college and was accepted, things started to fall apart pretty quickly. Silent nights, getting angry at each other over minuscule things, generally not caring, etc. I was 19 when we got together and he was 21. He had boyfriends and sex before me and he was my first. I suppose he thought I was the one and I began wondering if I was missing out on something by being with him. Admittingly, a reason I kind of wanted to go to another city was, not only gain some independence, but to also fool around with other experimentations.

    I firmly hold the belief that young people (18-24-ish) generally have no idea what "love" is and that the late 20's/early 30's is the perfect age to even think about settling down. Also that people who stick with their first for the long run are generally missing out.

    However, I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake. I'm trying the dating sites and apps, and there are a few people whom I'm talking to, but I don't see myself having a long term relationship with any of them. I also sometimes wonder if after I'm done fooling around, that I'll go back to him. He does understand me and supports my many ideas and aspirations, but he does have his faults too.

    For one, he can get passive aggressive (VERY passive aggressive) towards me and others; he is not the most masculine thing to ever walk the earth; he always makes lame jokes (to the point where he is almost NEVER serious) and sometimes I wondered if I would ever achieve any of my goals being rooted in a relatively small city. But are these just minor annoyances, or are they legitimate reasons to stay apart?

    I know I probably didn't paint myself in the best light, but does anyone have any thoughts or opinions?
     
  2. Gen

    Gen
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    While I do believe that people of young ages can fall in love, I dont believe that just because you fell in love, means that it is with the right person.

    Your feelings are completely understandable. Statistically highschool sweetheart relationships(I know you werent in highschool, but its essentially teenage/youthful ages) have a much higher percentage of infedelity and essentially divorce then relationships established from mid-twenties and up. I wouldnt say it is because they werent in love, because in reality it actually doesnt take a whole lot of conscious thinking to fall for someone. Rather this was their first love, and they didnt have much to compare it too. They didnt have much to experiement with as you said.

    If you are not content with your relationship now, then it will only get worse with age.
     
  3. Thanks for the answer Gen.

    I suppose, in some ways, I was content, but I always had that persistent thought of "what if...".