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not sure what to do

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Catkin, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. Catkin

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    For her final year in university, my friend is doing a research project. It's a really big part of her grade, and because of the topic she's picked, she's going to find it really hard to get enough research subjects to fill out her questionaire. She has asked me to be a research subject (and assumed I will be). The issue is that her project will compare an LGBT with a straight population. And you have to fill out the survey in front of her so she can explain it.

    I don't know what to do. I'm not even totally sure which box I'd tick when she asks about sexuality. (Right now, I don't think that I'm totally straight, but I might think differently tomorrow). I don't want to lie and mess up her project. I even briefly wondered if maybe I should just tell her that I'm completely confused about the whole sexuality question. I can't take that back though, I'm not sure anyway, and the idea is really really scary. And final.

    Her project is really interesting, but it is seriously freaking me out. She'll be giving the surveys in a few weeks, so I have to decide what to do before then. I feel a bit trapped. Added to that is the fact that my normal way of "dealing" with any conversations about sexuality and relationships is to avoid them like the plague and this project has led to everyone I live with bringing up the subject constantly. I'm biting my tongue all the time and it's really stressing me out. Any advice?
     
  2. Lexington

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    Meaning what, exactly? She's going to nail you to the wall on your sexuality for her final grade? Screw that. :slight_smile: When she asks what your sexuality is, tell her "I'm questioning." If she asks what that means, tell her "It means I'm questioning. Sometimes I think I might be gay, other times I think I might be straight." If she wants to force you into any specific answer, tell her she's welcome to classify you anyway you want, but you're going to stick with "questioning".

    As to your friends, just tell them that you're looking forward to getting the survey over with so you won't have to deal with it anymore. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. Clown

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    If you're not comfortable with being part of it, I'm sure she'll understand.
    Have you checked any LGBT communities close to you? There might be some who would be comfortable to take it.
     
  4. Catkin

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    She would understand if I didn't want to do it, and would definitely not make me narrow down my sexuality more than questioning (I think that's going to be an option in her survey anyway). The idea of telling her that I'm questioning is intimidatingly scary. Not that she is even slightly homophobic, but telling anyone that I'm anything other than straight....
    What is bothering me, is that I am not out at all to anyone, and not sure that I want to be. If I told her that I don't want to do the survey, then she's going to guess why. Which would sort of defeat the purpose of not doing the survey.
     
  5. pinklov3ly

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    I'm assuming you're not ready to come out, may I ask why? I think this would actually be the perfect opportunity for you to come out; however, it's totally up to you. You still have time to think about it, so relax; I mean, you're not obligated to fill out the survey, although I know you want to help your friend out. Just be honest with yourself and fill it out according to how you feel in that moment.
     
  6. Pret Allez

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    First of all, if she's doing a questionnaire for an academic study, the university will have a confidentiality requirement. Every participant in a study is valid data, so it's not like you're lying.

    Second, questioning is a "non-straight" category for the purpose of any LGBT study, and I would be extremely surprised and disappointed if she doesn't know what questioning means or what its significance is in the context of her topic.