Sorry for the weird title to the post, I'll try my best to explain it. I'm finding that in day to day life, I'm not living as truthfully to myself as I should. For example, I just went to get my hair cut and during the customary topical conversation with the stylist, she asks if I have a girlfriend. I kind of laughed it off and said "no, I don't have a girlfriend at the moment..." But my question is, should I have corrected her? Whenever something like this happens with (almost) complete strangers, should I still make it a point to correct these people or just let it go as I have been doing? It's just really frustrating. I just wish I "appeared more gay" sometimes so I can just live my life without having to explain myself all the time. I'm really tired of having to correct everybody, let alone people I don't even know. Of course I tell people I'm gay that I'm closer to, but I just don't know if this is somewhere to "pick my battles." Any advice or stories from your own experiences would be most appreciated. Thanks.
You're making perfect sense! You know it's funny you mention this because a similar thought crossed my mind earlier this week. I am not completely out. I tend to only confirm it if asked. Even then I tend to avoid the topic. A few days ago I went into a shoe store to purchase a pair of heels for my sister as she was working and they were on sale. As I went to the cashier, she asked if they were for my girlfriend. I too responded the same way as you did; I just said "No, they're not." as I smiled. Though I guess it differs, our situations are completely different.
I recently started a new job. A couple of people asked if I am married or have a girlfriend. I just said nope, I'm single. Which is the truth. The way I see it is they are asking if I am in a relationship, not who I am in a relationship with. Now I've never been in a long term relationship, so I not sure how to answer that question if I was. Think I would say something like, yeah I have boyfriend, or a partner or something like that.
You're not under any particular obligation to tell total strangers you're gay. Heck, you're not obligated to tell anyone. You want to be open for your own sanity and peace of mind but I wouldn't sweat it if you feel like you want to pick your battles. In that case a simple "no" should suffice and you should feel no guilt whatsoever about just going on with your day. You can be out without wearing a sign 24/7. It doesn't make you less honest, simply a person who has reasonable boundaries with strangers.
"Outness" isn't really something you can measure. When a person's status on EC says something like "out to everyone," I find it tells very little about them, since it's a very individual thing. It can mean anything from they introduce themselves with "Hi, my name is ___ and I'm gay" to merely not denying their homosexuality when asked about it directly. I think your answer was fine, although the way you worded it does imply that, while you don't have a girlfriend at the moment, you're not against the idea. Regardless, it's small talk, and the person you're talking to really doesn't care about your answer --- they're just trying to be friendly so you'll become a regular customer, and hopefully give a nice tip. You have no obligations to the stylist, just yourself. Do you feel like you should have corrected her? You say that you don't think you're living as truthfully to yourself as you should, but is that your own opinion, or is it external pressure making you feel that way? If it's the former, you'll have to experiment to what degree you're comfortable being out, and that may take a while.
I so much appreciate the replies! It's nice to know others have had similar experiences (thanks ozzy). I think I do still answer that implies I am straight, rather than a simple "no", and I'm glad you pointed that out to me (thanks starfish). I have to realize I don't have to answer to satisfy strangers, but to satisfy my own emotions (thanks BNQ). And I didn't realize how much effect external pressure still has on seemingly mundane, day-to-day tasks. I will approach them in a new light (thanks electrolicious). You all have been so helpful to me and am truly grateful for your advice!
