Hi everyone! I just want to get this out but I also would like some advice on this if you have any So since I've been in college, I've been trying to be more open with myself. I don't try to put it on display or shout it, but if someone asks, I'll tell them I'm gay. I don't want to lie to them about it. I'm in the process of trying to come out to people that already know me, but don't know I'm gay. I was given an assignment in my writing class to write a letter to someone. I decided to write this letter to my mom and in it I want to come out to her. O_O This is seriously the scariest thing I've thought about doing all year. Now here's my problem. I feel like I've figured out that I'm gay and accepted it, but whenever I think about coming out to someone, doubt rushes in and makes me not want to say anything. Basically what has been bothering me is that, when I hear other stories of others realizing that they were gay, the vast majority noticed it around puberty or earlier. I didn't realize that there was a possibility I could be gay until like 16-17 years old. Before then, I don't think I ever thought about girls the way I do now. Here's how it started. One day I was playing a game and there was like a big argument about two of the female characters possibly being lesbians. For some reason, I REALLY liked the thought of them being in love. I thought two women in love was really beautiful. That was the first day I actually thought about homosexual women, before then I didn't pay it any mind. Then I started thinking more and more about it and I started noticing women differently. After about a year, I got my first crush on a girl and it was so, so strong. I was freaking out because I was like "Why do I like a girl...like THAT??" I started exploring this feeling more by watching shows/movies with lesbians in it, and for some reason, it seemed so beautiful and natural to me. I had crushes on guys but they were not as strong as that one. I really wanted to hug and kiss her, but never really thought about hugging or kissing the guys, I just liked being around them. Ever since then, my attraction to women has increased and my attraction to men has decreased. I can find a man good looking, but that's about it. I never catch myself looking at guys in public, but always find myself staring at girls. When I look back, I had crushes on female actresses/musicians but for some reason, it was like I was subconsciously trying to suppress my attraction to them. I thought I just really admired them, but now I realize that I was attracted to them. Despite that, I still feel like it's not "real" or something. Like why did I just notice this attraction to women just 2 years ago? Is this part of the denial stage? How come every time I think I have it figured out, I don't? Any help/advice because I really could use it :icon_sad:
i came out when i was 14 to my mom let me tell u hun, it was hard considering most of her friends were gay but she has to accept it cos from a fact that i'm her son and she has to accept it.... cos she loves me, my point is no matter who you are or what sexual orientation you are the people who really care bout you will appreciate and respect you and being gay is not something to be pity upon. if people doesn't respect you for your decision then they don't love you for who you really are. my advice is just relax take your time as possible, tell them early as possible when you're ready bcos you would'nt want them find out unexpectedly i've learned that the hard way. well just take you're time no one's gonna decide what you want except yourself for reals just be yourself and make the best out of your life.
Not everyone realizes they are gay during puberty. I personally was in my late 20's before I realized I liked girls and even then just thought I just wanted to experiment once. I was 31 before I admitted to myself I was gay. It took me falling head over heels for a girl. There isn't a time limit to figure these things out. Coming out to my mom was one the hardest things I've done. We have always been close, but I knew she would take it hard. But when I finally told her it was such a relief. She cried a lot and I had to give her about a week to process everything, but then everything was back to normal. She said she was sorry it took her so long to understand and that (of course) she loves me no matter what. Just take your time and do what you are comfortable with. *Hugs*
You are most definitely not alone with the way you're feeling, so relax. I'm loving the idea of you coming out to your Mom as part as an assignment--perfect timing too. I know what it feels like to be in denial. There's no written rule where in order to be considered truly gay, you must have discovered those feelings early in life. I discovered my feelings when I was young, but I unintentionally/intentionally repressed them throughout the years. It was partly by choice; I mean, I had a baby, so even speaking the words, ”I think I'm gay” would've been too much for me to handle. And it eventually became unbearable for me to handle--I suffered from major depression, anxiety etc, and I was only 17. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because I was so disgusted. I think having my oldest son opened up a can of worms. My feelings for women were undeniable, so I went into hiding. However, I decided to come out because I needed help, I became physically ill. Enough about me, I think what you're feeling is just anxiety about coming out. You seem to very sure about who you are, so embrace the emotions you're experiencing now, in this moment
Thanks everyone, I appreciate the help. Your answers helped calm me down. Oh my, I can't imagine. You are a really strong person to get through that situation
