Hi all. I'm a 20 year old male. I'm new here, and have actually read quite a lot of the threads, but haven't found anyone of them that I can recognize 100%, so that's why i'm posting this on here. First of all - I'm fairly sure i'm gay, but from time to time I'm uncertain if that's really what I am. I've only told a couple of my friends that I am gay, and everyone seemed to think it was alright. However, about a month ago I had my first real sexual experience (I've been eksperimenting from a very young age (from 9 yr - 14 yr), but have had girlfriends and have had sex with girls, but always thought of some of the beautyful boys I know). The thing is, that I actually enjoyed it during the session, but afterwards when I got home, I felt dirty and guilty, and showered for almost a hour.. I don't know why I felt like this, but it really made me confused, since I had been dreaming about this for quite a while. Also, I've tried to tell him, but whenever we get to the issue, I can't seem to get the words out. He's not sure whether he's gay or not, but whenever we're together we end up kissing with each other, and after that I feel just fine that's why I wonder if the sexual always is awkward and with the feeling of "dirtyness" after the first time. so my question is: Is it normal, and have any of you ever tried the same thing? :icon_redf Also I don't get turned on by the "stereo" types of gay - you know, the REALLY feminin gays - and I've never tried anal, but have given anal to my friend. And last step. Any experience on how to tell my parents? they keep talking about why i'm I don't have a girlfriend, and everytime I just end up telling them that I just haven't found the right one - and everytime they also talk about how they are looking forward to have grandchildren.. It really annoys me, since I KNOW that I'm never gonna get a girlfriend, and perhaps never will get children (eventhough I would love to some day get the opportunity to have a biological child)
Hi I can relate to being gay, and suddenly not so sure of it, but I never had any sexual experiences, so in this plain I'm merely a theoretician. I always was gay, and recently, after I had come out to a few people, I felt like I was not that truthful to myself. It felt bad that it took soooo much time to accept myself, so much suffering, and now, it might have been for vein?! Time went by, and I found my way to deal with it, which I can recommend to you - try to avoid labeling. If people ask you say you are not sure, or gay, if you feel more like it at the moment. Just avoid keeping yourself from thinking something. Try not to be hard on yourself, and really try to communicate with your partner. Maybe he will help you. Just experiment, try new things, and don't force anything on yourself. Luck and love
Welcome EC! Yep, way more common than you would think. Most people will either experience the whole guilt or confusion part either right after jacking off to porn or after experimenting with a guy. In simple terms, while you are horny your hormones allow you to shut your brain up a little, so things are simply hot and exciting at that point. After you finish there is a chemical imbalance that you go through, and with that is the realization of what you have just done, what it means and how it will affect your life. It does go away after you accept yourself, though so that's good news. In your case, since you are messing around with another guy going through the same exact thing, then the guilt will stay there until you guys are able to talk about it, which is hard to do when you have two people that hate what they are doing, but don't want to stop. If you guys do end up talking about it at some point then the feeling should lessen quite a bit after a while. That's a harder one to do. Do you know how they feel about the subject? Are you dependent on them? Do you have a network of people that you can go to support in case anything goes wrong?
Yes, I had a problem with feeling dirty, and it caused my first two attempts at sexual experiences not to work. Basically, I freaked out and frustrated my partner, so we called it off. I don't know how it feels for you, but I felt dirty because of the shame I was feeling. If this describes you, I think you just need to take some time to think about how it's okay, and this is what you want, and it will feel good, and you'll be sharing that with someone else.
Okay - makes sence. Maybe I just should take me together and just tell him. I'm not sure how they feel with their son being gay, but I know they are openminded towards gays I do have alot of friends I KNOW will be supportive and are supportive (my 2 ex-girlfriends) ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2012 at 08:52 PM ---------- @Pretz Allez It was some kind of shame i guess - and I know this is what I want. I've been fantasing about the session, but still don't know what made me feel that way.. I've actually called him right now and told him how I felt. He didn't recognize it, but understood my issue, and he also told me that after we had our sexual session he knew he was gay however I really wanna go and try again, but I'm a little scared that I will feel the same way again..
I have actually heard many gay guys that usually feel like that after their first sexual experience. Me being one of them. I met a guy online, i wasnt really into him. So i just talked like a friend to him. Then he offered, i was horny and weak. I gave in. As soon as i finished, I wanted to leave and shower. I felt sick and ashamed of what i did. I didnt even want to jack off for a while. Made me a uncomfortable. This happened the first few times i had sex. But now Its normal. Its a great feeling actually. I still wanna shower afterwards but not because of the same reasons. lol. Its part of the process of accepting yourself. Every aspect of yourself. Anyways, I guess we are all just trying to tell you that it does go away and then it will be normal. Hope everything works out for you
Wow - I had no clue that there were so many people feeling the same way thanks a lot everybody - Im grateful for the response - I've even, after this post, felt more ready than ever to come out to everybody! I feel an urge to tell my parents, my family and all of my friends about how I feel.. It's quite a chok, really I've talked more with my partner, and we have made plans to just sit at home, drink some wine and talk all this through - however I know that he's not my perfect match, but I really like him in some odd way Thanks you guys! You're the best Peace and love <3
okay, so here's the deal - I actually told my parents that i'm gay, and they really took it well. actually, both said that it really wasn't a surprise, but they were glad that I finally found out - and that they knew how hard it must have been. I really wanna thank you guys! you made my dream come true! Even my partner came out to me, and said that he wouldn't have said it, if it wasn't for me we had sex last night, and it was unbelievable! I really wanna thank you guys again! Peace and love <3
Wow, I am really glad they responded so well and that you're having a positive, healthy relationship!
Yes. My first adult experience with another guy left me feeling dirty and guilty as fuck. I suppose that's one of the reasons I'm still not out. There have been others I'm attracted, we can have chemistry and I enjoy the act in the moment but right after its done it suddenly feels "wrong". I wish I could get past that.
I guess talking to your flirt or whatever about how you feel really makes the difference. I do think that you shouldnt "just" do it with the first and the best - feeling safe and confident with the other part might help a lot, but MAN it's hard to get it out that being said, I'm still new, and kind of scared in my own weird way, since everything is new and exciting best of luck, and thank you guys again
