1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do I come out? Help.. :/

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ILoveLovey, Sep 18, 2012.

  1. ILoveLovey

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2012
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    [I am female :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Just saying in advance] So, I have recently come to the understanding that I am bi. I have accepted it and all. Only problem is, I don't know if others will.


    I have known about this for a year and few months but have not told ANYONE. Holding it in is depressing me. I need to tell someone. I want to tell my best friend, but I am so scared of her reaction. Also, this best friend is a girl I am in love with :icon_redf . But I am trying to put this step by step. I first want to tell her I am Bi, then slowly, but surely, tell her I have more-than-a-friend feelings for her. I just do not know how to come out to her.

    She does not mind gay,lesbians, or bi people. She is completely cool with that topic, I am just scared she might look at me differently. I have heard stories of girls who also have a best friend like this, but their best friend never look at them the same way. I really do not want to lose her. She is the only person who gets me through a day.

    Then, if I do somehow get the courage to come out, how do I tell her I like her?

    I am really scared.


    Sorry for piling on the questions, I am just really scared and lost right now. I could use all the advice I can get.

    Please help. :confused: :icon_sad:

    Thank you <3 :icon_bigg :slight_smile: :help: :help: :help: :help: (*hug*) (*hug*) (&&&)
     
  2. Lance

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2012
    Messages:
    506
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I wouldn't recommend that you admit you have feelings for her. If you are for sure she is straight, then nothing good will come of it and it will most likely make things awkward. If you still feel the need to tell her, then I'd first make sure I knew what her sexuality is if possible, and then see if you think those feelings could actually be reciprocated by her if she is in fact "no-so-straight."
     
  3. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Perhaps you could tell the girl you are crushing on that you are bi to begin with, being as you have said you are sure she will be supportive and then you could continue on to tell your best friend, then if she does react badly you will always have someone to fall back on.
     
  4. frogger

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2012
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Before you tell her that you like her as more than a friend, I recommend telling her that your bi. My situation was slightly different than yours, but it turned out good. You never know what might happen till you do it.

    In my case I fell in love with my best friend and that's how I discovered I was bi. We ended up becoming really really close, closer than friends would be and we both kinda figured out we liked eachother. It was a scary thing, because we both tried to hold back the feelings and for the longest time i wasnt sure if she liked me back. I was scared of losing her. But it turned out great and now we are dating and have been dating for a year. Before you tell your friend u like her, I'd figure out if she is straight or les, or bi. My friend thought she was straight before me, and now she knows that she isn't, but that might not be the same case with you.

    We both have the same best friend who is very supportive of gays, les, bi, anything. But were terrified to tell her. I thought that even though she had other friends that were gay that she would look at me different and our friendship wouldn't be as close. I was in your same shoes, scared that i was gonna lose my best friend. I was completely wrong. Our friendship didn't change at all, it actually grew cuz then she understood all the reasons why i acted funny or didnt tell her things and why i hung out with my other friend(gf) more than her.

    As far as how to tell her. If your comfortable with it you could just bring up the conversation sometime. Or write her a letter. In my case my best friend practically guessed it, so I didn't have to say much.

    I hope I'm making sense and that this was somewhat helpful. Don't worry. Its ok to be scared that's natural.
     
  5. ILoveLovey

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2012
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Wow! That advice really helped me :] I told her I was for sure, bi today in a letter. She said she is proud of me for telling her, and that she beieves that she too, is bisexual! :grin:

    Now

    Should I tell her I like her?

    Sorry for targeting you specifically :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: But your advice really helped.
     
  6. frogger

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2012
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Congrats! I'm glad things worked out and that I could help. The first person is always the hardest to tell. Its always a good feeling knowing that someone you care about accepts you for who you are.

    As for telling her you like her, I don't know your relationship with her or how close the two of you are, and I can't make these decisions for you. But seeing that you just told her the news a couple days ago, I wouldn't jump the gun yet. Maybe talk to her some more about being bi, ask if she for sure thinks she is also bi. It took me any my gf a long time to come to terms with the fact we were bi and liked each other, but during that time we were also in complete denial. So maybe your case will go faster since you already accept that you are bi.

    Like you said in your first post: slowly, but surely tell her. If you feel ready to tell her, then go ahead, but its probably best to give its a little time first.
     
  7. ILoveLovey

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2012
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thanks :] I will surely use your advice. I have noticed since I have told her she grew a little closer to me than she was before, which I believe may be a good thing. But I will take things slow and wait it out to make sure all is right. Thank youuu! :grin:
     
  8. inthecloset19

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    i have had the same prblems i actually have feelings for this girl i know and she is dating my ex boyfriend we are constantly together and we hold hands, hug and im taking her to movies and she knows how i feel. with coming out start with your best friend i started with mine and me and her are very very close. then start with closer friends but only people you trust. only my closest friends know and we rarely talk about it but you'd be surprised with how many people are bi/gay/lesbian. my high school had a gay straight club and we actually had a school resource officer who would stand by the door. his name was nick and he has a husband. we have 5 gay bars and honestly there are always new people coming in. just know your not alone and that there are lots of people out there who will support you for you
     
  9. ILoveLovey

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2012
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thank you! That helped a lot with my confidence! (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 24th Sep 2012 at 05:09 PM ----------

    To frogger, so I have an update :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: So I planned on taking it slow. But I was a bit curious of who she liked. I said "I think I might date this girl, she has said she liked me before. Plus, I feel like I need a relationship right now, it might help me a bit with everything going on and I need someone there to be comfortable with and just, comfort." And she said "Well, me and you could date." And I was shocked, but thought she was kidding so I gave her a funny look and then we went and ate dinner. When I came back in her room to gather my stuff I said "Were you for serious?" And she said "Yeah, you want someone, and I can be that someone. Think about it." And I said "I think it would be a nice change, I think I like that offer" And I smiled and she laughed and said "So, It's official" And I said "It is in fact official." And we hugged and I left for home. This all happened not to long ago. Like 10 minutes ago. I was blushing so hard and I am so happy and excited. Thank you Frogger! And thank you to the rest who commented! All your advice together has gotten me were I am right now and I really appreciate it. After having these feelings tucked away for 2 years, I finnaly get to release them and is all thanks to you guys! Thank you sooo much! (*hug*) :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Sorry If I sound a bit crazy. I am just really thankful and happy. :slight_smile: :grin:
     
  10. frogger

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2012
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    That's awesome!! I'm glad things worked out so perfectly. And I'm glad I could help. I know how you feel. It feels great to finally tell someone a secret you have had to carry for years, not only that but it feels even better to finally tell the person you like that you like them.

    Thanks for the update. It really makes me feel good knowing I can be of help to someone. Hope the best for you :slight_smile: