Looking for some advice or any sort of feedback. I've known a guy for a few years, but only started to get to know him last year. We've become friends, especially over the past summer. Anyway, he's known that I'm gay for almost half a year. That was that. Last week, though, he came out to me as bisexual. While we talked about it, he mentioned that he's attracted to guys "about one in every four nights", making him mostly straight. (He has had an encounter with someone, though.) He also said he wonders how his relationships with women will work if he ever gets these occasional urges. The night came and went. For me, it started the next day. I don't fully resonate with the idea of ever dating him (because we're friends and he's mostly straight), but I also can't say that I'm not attracted to him at all. Aside from mild fantasy, I really enjoy hanging out with him. Here's the best way to put it: He is my friend first, and I never want that to change, but if he ever wanted to try anything with me, I wouldn't resist and I'd be all his. (I should also mention I've never done anything with a guy before. I started coming out about half a year ago.) Any thoughts?
I worry about the same thing at times. (The relationship part despite the urges) While I may argue that I'm mostly straight too, I cannot resist the fact that I believe I am bicurious (never been with another guys yet either.) Sounds to me (and I'm not a professional or anything so don't take my word on it) that you might have feelings there. If you considered him only a friend, I don't think you'd like the concept of being with him. Since you say if he makes a move you'll be all his, it seems like you've accepted the fact that you have feelings for him. But it's nice to know that you care for him in the way as a friend first. It's something I admit I've never done; always given into temptation and such. But you should think: why are you not against it happening if he were to make a move?
Hi there! Even though he is your friend and you value your friendship with him, from what you have described, there is perhaps a small part of you that is developing perhaps some 'deeper' feelings for him, which are held in check thus far by the fact that you are friends. If you look deeper inside of you and really think about it, and ask yourself: 'what kinds of feelings do I have for him?' That said, I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. Continue talking to him and being his friend. As you keep talking to him, you might find a few more answers that will help you to put in perspective.
Thanks, guys. It's weird, though. Some days (sometimes hours) there are feelings, which give me the "If he tried anything, I'd be all his" mentality. And other days they're not really present and I'm content to be where we are, and can't really see it being any different. That's the part that always has me insisting, even in the "crushing" times, "I am his friend first." The main thing that I keep wondering about is whether or not the interest (when it comes) is worth the energy and thought, since he supposedly only has a relatively minor attraction to men. And he's been trying to meet some women. Why even worry about it, right?
I have no idea what I would do in a situation like this. I suppose it depends on his approach when and if the moment comes. If he just wants something casual, as tempting as it might be I would probably not concede, I feel like it would change the friendship and not necessarily for the best. But even if he was willing to try a relationship and for whatever reason things don't work out between the both of you it could damage the friendship. I say steer clear unless you develop even stronger feelings for him and he reciprocates, otherwise it's not worth it, you would be investing way too much. I wish you luck and keep us posted.
Hi there! Well, if he has been trying to meet some women, I think you have the answer. One thing to consider is to move on from your feelings for him, but trying to keep your friendship in tact. From your description of your feelings for him. which fluctuate, you might not have a hard time with moving on from it all. It would be a matter of concentrating on the feelings that let you feel content with the way things are, and reassuring yourself of them.
So the guy texted me yesterday, unexpectedly. Him: "Do you have any gay friends you could introduce me to?" Me: "...?" Him: "U know y" Me: "I have one. But you won't like him. Lol" (Which is true. He actually already knows the guy, but neither of them know about each other.) Me: "What are you looking for exactly? (If I may know)" Him: "Rght now just someone to explore this side of me with. I'm not saying I'm gonna hook up, just want to test the water a bit more seriously" At that point I basically told him the "friends first" thing, but that I'm willing to try stuff. He actually turned me down, because I'm "too masculine" and he might feel intimidated. Maybe surprisingly, I wasn't really hurt. In fact, being described as possibly intimidating was kinda cool, in a weird way. He still trusts me a lot. And when he asked me if I felt like I was friend-zoned, my honest reply was "Not quite!" In an objective sense, I was friend-zoned, I guess, so there's a little of that feeling, but like I said, my soul wasn't crushed. We ended up talking about other stuff afterward. It was random, but probably ended up working for the best. I haven't seen him in person since before this happened, so I'm hoping we can touch base again and everything really will be cool. (The worst part about all this is that when I said he came out to me, I'm basically the first one he told, so I can't really discuss it with anyone I know. Even if I could try to use vague phrasing, I don't want to potentially risk someone figuring it out somehow. So thanks for hearing me out on here!)
if u have feelings for him why control it besides if it doesen't work out u can still be friends right?? it wont be the same but the time molds you'll be back to normal.
Hi there! This seems to be the best end result. Being his friend, and helping him trough things is probably a good place for you to be in. Him coming out to you, or at least letting your know that he wants to explore that side of him, shows his level of trust in you. From the sounds of it, I think things will be fine between the two of you.
