When your mother keeps mentioning you having children, not knowing you're gay

I'm convinced that my grandfather could come visit me and I could sleep in the same bed as another man and he'd *still* never guess unless I told him that I was gay (which I won't, for many reasons). I'd say cut her some slack and vent to people just like you are doing here because she can't know you're upset unless you tell her

 

Also, have you told her you don't want to have children, or at least that it's not something you want to talk about right now? Especially in the most recent situation, something along the lines of "hey mom, it's great that you're concerned for me, but I really want to focus on the treatments for my kidneys and bladder, can we worry about my uterus later" might help get the message across.

My dad was always bringing up the subject of me having kids too, even after I told him I was gay. One day, I decided to ask him - in response to another kids-query - if he wanted to have sex with a man. When he responded, flustered, that he didn't, I suggested that in that case he might stop asking me when I would be having sex with a woman. He hasn't asked again.

 

Well, until you come out and say you're gay, she knows no different, or doesn't want to accept that yet(since you said you look like a stereotypical lesbian) until you officially say it. I feel you can't really get that upset with her about it at this point.

My mom used to say the same stuff, except in my case a wife and kids even though I never had a girlfriend or talked about women at all and I'm sure she knew the answer. But now that she knows I'm gay, she jokingly says stuff like "you need to find yourself a rich man" lol

 

I get this. I don't think I have much to offer in way of advice but I can say I know how you feel! I wish people were more sensitive around the subject of having kids. Your Mum seems to be expressing her own desires for you. I suppose if she knew you were gay she may be more sensitive but because she doesn't you need to figure out how best to handle her comments.

I have mostly been pretty blunt on this topic and politely told my Mum to drop it. It is good to remind yourself that you are no less whole for choosing not to have children. Of course, you still have many years to change your mind and that would be okay too. But it is up to you. Your Mum may not like it but it will be up to her to come to terms with it.

Good luck!

 

I think it's totally up to you if you want to have kids or not; there's obviously nothing wrong with that. Your health seems to be more important than having kids at the moment anyway. But, I have kids and I'm still gay; I kind of resent the fact that you used the words ”I hate kids.” Although, I'm not offended...I mean, you were a child once upon a time. I've grown up around kids all my life and they are truly a blessing. Yes, they can be two handfuls, but hate is a strong word.

Perhaps, this is a good way to come out to your Mom, but it's up to you. And it's probably a good idea to forgo mentioning the fact that you hate kids to any potential girl that you may date. Then again being up front is always a good idea, but use the words ”I do not want any children”, which sounds better.

 

Ah, I can empathise with you so much OP. My mother mentions children all the time, it would genuinely break her heart if she knew I was gay and wouldn't provide her grand babies.

So whenever she mentions children now, I just say "Oh I never want kids Mum, that's what you have my brother for"

She usually laughs it off but soon she may start listening. And when I'm 40, with no kids (or wife, she tends to mention my wedding quite a bit) then she can at least know that I didn't want kids

I do however bloody love kids! Im VERY excited to be an uncle and spoil my nephews or nieces rottenn! Woop.

 

Well, I was trying to help you, but you do not have to get an attitude about it :rolle: I just think that you should choose your words wisely next time. If you don't see how kids are a blessing then I guess you're not a blessing as well then. And like I said before that I was not offended, it's your body. Your health matters more than anything.