So I'm now in my third year of college studying sciences. The early 2012 semester was the worst I've ever had, high school or post secondary: I had to drop 1/2 my courses to avoid academic penalty, and the ones I did complete were an uphill struggle that still resulted in me getting 15-20% lower than my average. I was hoping by now my mood would turn around. It hasn't, not in the slightest. The summer break was likely the most miserable in my life: working day in, day out in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of people who didn't like me. I figured my life would turn around: everyone says it does eventually -- eventually you'll find the light. I'm searching for it, I tell ya, but I feel like I'm feeling my way through the pitch black, no direction, no hope. My grades need to perk up. I'm used to being a straight A student who easily grabbed onto ideas and who comprehended complex mathematics, scientific ideas or literature. But I just got my first labs/assignments back and it feels like last semester all over again. My course load is pretty rigorous, but I don't see how I can graduate on time if I drop one to go easy on myself. I really, really don't want to delay my graduation. My goals will be completely shot if I don't turn this around. Motivating myself and studying feels like the hardest thing in the world to do. I'm still doing it though, but my study habits have become inefficient and my mind just doesn't want to focus and take in information like it used to. I failed a quiz (my first F ever) that I even studied for. I can put hours into something now and it just flies all over my head, even if I can recognise that the material really isn't all that complicated, and I would have easily been able to do it before. It's only week 3 and I feel utterly burned out. My depression isn't going away. I need to still be able to deal with the world and pursue my interests and career goals. I can't just stall out, I don't want to -- it would send me into an even deeper depression. I know it. I need some advice. How can I focus myself in this state of mind? What strategies are there for someone in my position? There's been no serious damage done to my grades yet (maybe a 1% drop per course), but if I keep it up I'm going to get terrible grades again. I should say I'm seeing a counsellor and taking drugs but neither are doing a damn thing. I have no friends, even though I've tried so hard to make them. No one seems to want to put the effort into me. Please help me.
First of all, (*hug*) for you. If you're already seeing a counselor and are on medication (presumably for your depression), then your counselor should have all of this information if he/she doesn't already. If they already do, and you've been working with them for a while but you aren't seeing any improvement, then seek out a new counselor - not every counselor can help every patient equally efficiently. How do you feel about the one you're currently working with? As far as taking classes, graduating, etc. If it is at all possible, don't worry about delaying graduation. You'll still be paying the same amount of tuition for the same amount of credits, and if going 4.5 years or 5 years means you can graduate with a better GPA, better connections with professors, and, last but not least, be happy - then it will be worth it. The pressure to finish in four years is felt by a lot of people, but the truth is many students don't finish in four years - in fact, most colleges, when they measure if students are finishing in a timely manner, only measure the percentage of students who graduate within six years of starting! Also, you might consider talking to your professors about this. If you can get some sort of documentation from your counselor, some of them might be up for giving you some sort of concessions (take tests/quizzes at different times) or extra support if they know you're struggling. Professors can be cutthroat sometimes, but some, if they realize that you're dealing with a complex and trying situation, will be more than willing to help you out.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It's tough sometimes to accomlpish anything when life is weighing you down. Keep doing what you're doing. Your best. Because it's no small feat to have done what you've already done and maintain the grades that you have. Give yourself a pat on the back, and rely on your past success to give you some confidence in the future. You can do it. I'd agree that there might be reasons to delay your graduation. Life isn't a race. 20 years from now, it really won't matter whether you took 4 years or 5 to do your undergrad. So there might be really good reasons to do just that. My sister took 5 years to do her undergrad, didn't get into the grad school that she wanted and took a year off, and then did a 2 year graduate program. And she had to go out of country to do that - so you might need to adjust your plans to accomodate your reality. Life doesn't always take the course that you'd like it to. It's our ability to adapt that allows us to get through it.
As someone that has been treated for major depression for going on 15 years I would encourage you to stick with the meds and the therapy and keep your doctor in the loop on how you are feeling. How long have you been on the meds? It takes time for them to build up in your system and for you to feel their effect. I have had my depression under control for several years but there has been the odd flair up that was fixed with a medication change. I remember when I was first being treated it seemed like they would never figure out the right meds and dosage. Hang in there it does get better. Try not to be so hard on yourself. If you are battling depression it can be difficult to be motivated in class. Stress in your life will make things worse. Understand that you are being treated for a real illness not something you can just all of a sudden change. You have friends here that are prepared to put in the effort. You are worth it. Keep writing, there are others that care.
