NOT SURE IF THIS IS IN THE RIGHT PLACE BUT I COULDN'T FIND ANOTHER PLACE FOR IT SOOOOOOO YA So here's the deal, this guy and I are friends, I'm bi, I'm not sure what his sexuality is. I really like him, and would be over the moon if he liked me too, but I don't know if that's even a possibility. I think he could be at least curious. I don't think there's a high chance of it but I do think he could be, but anyways, I wanted your guy's opinions. So, here's my evidence that he could be gay: -he has never had a girlfriend and our friend has explicitly stated before, that he never talks about girls even a little. -We went swimming in my pool and when we got out he had a hard on, could be coincidence. - We are always touching each other, with our elbows or legs, and neither of us pulls away, and we both initiate it, like when we are sitting in class, or while we are hanging out -One time when I was at his house, I was lying on the bed and he walked towards me, sat down and tickled my feet, and after that he held them down and we stared at each other for like 30 seconds - When he was at my house, i slowly touched my shin to his calf and we just sat there, he moved away with a weird look after like 8 minutes but then soon after he scooted back closer, for no real reason -We also look at each other during class alot and more than just like "two guy friends joking around" - Whenever I'm down he always tries to help and even when I fake being sad and what not, he tries to make me feel better even when I'm obviously faking I just have a gut instinct that he could be gay... Then again, I also think it's very probable that he is straight, bottom line, no two ways about it. We've lately taken to tazing each other, which for me is normal, but most guys at my school don't taze each other, and he has been tazing back alot, don't know if that really means much. So, want to know what you guys think and hope you can help!
It sounds like he is interested in you also. Does he know you're bi? If he does then he is probably bi or gay to, because if he was straight and knew you were bi he wouldn't be doing that because he would know you like it lol. My opinion is he is either gay or bi but he deffinetly is not straight!
He doesn't know, in fact not many people do. I don't know if that changes things but maybe. Yesterday in class, we were gathering ideas for writing in class and our teacher told us to write down things we sympathize with or are good ideas, if we think so while she reads hers and she got to one that was 1st boyfriend/kiss and at that moment and while she was explaining her feelings and the story behind it we kept looking at eachother and he must've been looking at me for a while cause he laughed and did an imitiation of me, which was pretty accurate, as to how I was looking at him and then looked away, and then back. One of our friends said though that he thought Alex, the kid, liked Tasha and was pretty sure he hadn't just said that to get us to stop asking him. His views on gay rights are very inconsistent so yeah. Wow, just realized how long that was lol......
Lol it still sounds like he Is bi or gay to me the fact that he stares at you and you guys are touchy, straight guys don't do that they are very untouchy and want to stay as masculine as possible... Usually, so I wouldnt doubt if he was at least bi maybe not full gay but atleast bi, the fact that he doesn't know you are bi kinda changes things but I mean come on... We can usually tell who is gay or bi by studying the signs, and since you've been friends for a whole and you have a strong gut feeling I would say then ya he most deff is at least like I said bi haha. Are you scared to ask him? I had people when I was in high school ask me and I always denied it so even if you were to ask him... Maybe you should tell him in private that you are bi and see if he says anything about himself I mean if you like him you must trust him so tell him and see his reaction, but I you don't feel comfortable doing that maybe do something to like signal him you know.... Lol you always see in movies and things that if you both have this feeling lean in for a intense sexy kiss but HEY maybe that will work for you LOL but ya haha hope I helped a bit
You really think he is then? Ok, I might give it a go, I'm spending the night at his house next friday and that'd be a good opportunity to talk about it. I just want to know for sure though, what exactly makes you say you think he is gay or bi? I don't want to put myyself out there with something this big till I know it will be worth it. Thanks for all the help
Really the only way to know he's gay for certain is if he tells you. But I still think there are some good indicators, especially when he tickled your feet and you guys stared at each other. That seems like very prolonged eye contact, even for platonic friends. And if it seemed intimate to you, that could really mean he likes you. I would definitely consider coming out to him, and if you're really anxious about it, it would help to find out his true views gay rights. If he's supportive of gays then you can feel more at ease about coming out.
It does sound like he could at least be a bit curious. Maybe try pushing the boundary a bit more and subtly flirt with him or if he initiates a rather flirty move, continue with it and be a bit more playful. Also like others said, coming out to him might also help. With situations like this there really is no definite answer, just a lot of guess work and "reading" the individual.
I think you should come out to him and see how that goes. It seems like he likes you. I bet if you came out to him and he is gay/bisexual, it would give him courage to come out. Does he support gays? I would honestly come out to him and if he is cool with you being bi, then ask him if he is gay/bisexual. Hope this helps.
Ok, 30 seconds is an exageration probably more like 5-8 but it felt that long to me( funny how time goes when your in love :rolle so sorry if that makes a big difference. ---------- Post added 20th Sep 2012 at 07:32 PM ---------- Thanks for all the help though guys, any more advice is DEFINETLY appreciated
It definitely does, because it indicates to us (me at least) that you're undergoing major confirmation bias. Basically what confirmation bias is is a psychological trick that our mind plays to only let us find evidence that supports what we're trying to prove. In this case, you're hoping he'll end up being gay, so you're selectively looking at all the stuff that makes him "seem gay". Even moreso when you exaggerate facts like that, because unconsciously it's in an attempt to make him seem more likely to be gay. Just as a piece of generic advice: when you're looking for advice, the help you receive is only as good as how honest you're being. Not to say you're a giant liar or anything, but even exaggerations make it difficult for us to give solid, reasonable advice since well... we'd be commenting on inaccurate information. I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like you're a teenager, so I apologize if I'm assuming incorrectly. If so, then it's important to remember a few things: 1) Guys get hard-ons quite frequently and often for no (sexual) reason. It's not really a good indicator of anything. 2) Your attractions will fluctuate, as will those around you. I'm not saying you don't have feelings for this guy, but feelings come and go for everyone, and even moreso for teenagers (it just seems much more painful). 3) Guys can be total dicks sometimes. It's possible he's just doing things to be funny or push the limits or some other unexplainable reason. As teenagers, oftentimes people don't quite grasp the seriousness of playing with other people's feelings, especially people looking for a same-sex relationship, since they probably can't relate. That said, as others have said, him being gay AND liking you is probably wishful thinking. Odds are he is straight. If you really want to know, you've gotta tell him. Coming out to him would also be a good first step to figuring out his thoughts. What I'd challenge you to do - in order to break your confirmation bias - is observe all the things that he does over the next while that would make you think he's straight.
Ok BudderMC I have accepted your challenge and have observed closely over the last couple of days, my verdict is..... He is likely to be straight as well, but i will let you be the judge of that. Here are my most recent findings: - he is very quick to deny any gay rumours about himself, which is normal for most straight guys. - he gets slightly uncomfortable or at least.... I don't know how to describe it, but like defensive? Like yesterday, i was talking about how this girls pissed and hurt cuz this guy she tried to kiss doesn't remember her and how she txted that all ppl with blonde hair and sparkly blue eyes are heart killers and how i txted back that she is one hundred percent true, subtly giving him the tip off as he has both, and he was like "woah...... That's kinda weird?" Course i backed it away saying that it wouldn't makeo sense me talking about him like that, and he returned to normal. I asked him about it and, he just said "I don't know I was just... I was just kidding" And then laughed which seems pretty stereotypical straight guy if you ask me. - he says he likes girls, and you kinda have to trust people when they say that - he is Christian so I believe that if he had been gay... He has probably been kinda prejudiced against it his whole life I don't know, overall he just seems entirely to defensive and kinda against the whole gay thing, not sure, planning to ask him, to be fully gay you know? Thanks for all the help and patience though.
I can relate to this question. I have the exact same problem! My best friend Zach and I do the same things. We do things that I would not be comfortable doin with anyone else. Such as showering after lifting, touching limbs, staring at eachother. But I have the same question: Is he gay? I am pretty confident that Zach is gay. Although he has had girlfriends in the past he admits to me he is a virgin. Also he hasn't had any girlfriends this year.
