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was it better when you ...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by unknown12, Sep 20, 2012.

  1. unknown12

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    were in the closet to your friends instead of them knowing you were gay?

    like im really scared of coming out but like i know i have to. i feel like im getting depressed, i keep having feelings for this one guy and nothing has happened in like 2 years. was it scary when you came out? did ALL of your friends accept you for who you are? did everything change?
     
  2. TheEdend

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    My relationship with all my friends actually improved a whole lot! I felt closer to them, I started enjoying my time with them more, and I started allowing myself to get closer to people.

    It was incredibly scary to come out, but at one point I just had to do it. It was way too much to keep inside. All my close friends accepted it, and I really don't know about everyone else. At that point, I couldn't care less. Some people at my school tried to make it a big deal at the time, and some rumors got to me, but for the most part it was very calm as far as friends go.

    At the end, after going through the bad months with my family, everything was back to normal and everything that did change was for the better.

    It is hard, but you'll get there (*hug*)
     
  3. Gravity

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    Well I can't lie, when I came out I did lose a friend or two. But the fact is, I had already been growing apart from them anyway as I realized more and more that this was the direction my life was going, and when we parted ways, I wasn't really sorry. I had the same experience as TheEdend, though, as far as friends that accepted me - I became much closer to them, almost without exception. And even better, the friends I met after coming out were much easier to get to know and form whatever kind of relationship with - it's just so much easier when you don't have to watch your story.

    Aside from friends, I guess I would say the one thing that changed is that I became a lot happier in general.
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    I didn't lose any friends, I actually gained more friends coming out! I'm not as depressed anymore and my life is much better since I've been true to myself and everyone else. Hiding who you are will eventually become unbearable because everyone needs love. I craved being with a woman, so I didn't care if I had lost friends or not. And yes, things changed, but in a good way. I am able to be more vocal about who I like and I just feel so comfortable in my own skin now. It's also great because my brother, his friends and I talk about the type of girls we like :grin:
     
  5. aaronq

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    I was pretty lonely when I was closeted. I didn't lose a single friend after coming out, and it just made our bonds stronger. But yes, it got better for me by a lot.

    There are a couple of my buddies that kind of... didn't understand, but they got used to it because they realized it's not about them. They didn't stop talking to me, but it did strain our friendships for a couple of years.
     
  6. CupidBoy

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    I lost my friends.....but I gained myself, so overall I'm happy I came out. :slight_smile:
     
  7. fatalmoon91

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    for me life was worse when i was in the closet...i felt like i didn't belong no matter where i went and it made me feel like a horrible human being. since i came out i have never fekt better about myself and the people around me. i haven't experienced anything bad like homophobia or anything of the sort though so i don't know that im a common case though imo a little homophobia would be worth the freedom from a self locked cage.
     
  8. timo

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    I'm not completely out, only to a few friends, but all of them have been super accepting. It feels like I even got closer to most of them, as weird as that might sound. In general I feel a lot happier and less anxious.
    "But if it went like this, why don't you come out to others too?". Cause it's scary shit to have a talk as serious as this. So I decided to stop actively telling and and the same time to stop caring. Just be myself and if people have questions regarding my orientation they're free to ask. Or they'll find out if I ever have a boyfriend. Except for my parents, I need to tell them some day soon. They deserve to know.

    Long story short - I'd never go back into the closet. I feel so much happier right now.
     
  9. JJmerlin88

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    I think my friendship with my friends post-coming out was better than before, because I felt like I didn't have to "hold back" secrets that I did when I wasn't out. Also don't feel like you have to come out right now, you should do it when you feel the most comfortable with yourself. :slight_smile: good luck :slight_smile:
     
  10. spectrumsigner

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    There is this one really important person in my life-- my mentor-- and being out to her has made my life so much better, now that I can talk openly to her about stuff that goes along with being gay. (She's straight but has a gay sister, and is a STRONG ally.) Being out to her has made everything better.

    My other friends that I'm out to, it doesn't affect the friendship one way or the other.
     
  11. th3wallflow3r

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    I don't regret coming out to any of my friends for the mere reason that it has allowed me to stop hiding myself in front of them.
    it just so happens that they all reacted well..
     
  12. Eleanor Rigby

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    I can't tell you if it was better to be in the closet, because that is something I never had to experience, but what I can tell you is that it always felt so much better when my gay friends came out to me.
    I am especially thinking of one of my best friends who came out to me recently. See, I have known for years that he is gay, but I never confronted him directly about it for fear to scare him or make him really uncomfortable. So for years, I have tried to let him know I was ok with him being gay, without telling him I knew he was gay. On the other hand, though he obviously had things on his chest that he would have liked to share, for years he didn't tell me anything about it. So here were we, both trying to pretend everything was fine when he was avoiding gender pronouns or when I was unnecessarily loud about how Queer as Folk is a wonderful show.
    And then, he came out. And all of a sudden, that invisible wall of his unspoken homosexuality that was keeping us apart was gone. He was finally able to tell me about it, and his relationship, and his feelings, and how difficult it was to conceal his sadness or happiness for so long, and I was finally able to share his emotions, to really be there with him when he needs me to be supportive, and to feel happy for him for being in a great relationship.
    We were friends before he came out, but you have no idea how relieved I felt when he came out, because it allowed us to be really authentic and I truly believe it made our friendship even better.
    To be honest, it feels incredibly selfish to say that when my friend came out I feel relieved, because I know he struggled alone for years and he had been through a very hard time to get there, but I am really so glad he did !
    I can't promise you that coming out to your friends will go happy and smooth with every of them, but I hope that it will change things for the better with enough of them for you not to regret the ones who might not be ok with it.
    I wish you all the best.
    Take care, (*hug*) Cécile
     
  13. Aquilo

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    I've only come out to a few good friends, who luckily were accepting. Having friends to talk with about my problems made things better I think, although I've still got a lot of people to come out to :/
     
  14. ggoodwill

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    I believed in not coming out until the pain of diing so was worth the risk. Here in kenya homosexuality is a crime punishable by over 39 years in prison, very few guys dare come out but I did anyway. it gets better with time but you'll go through a phase of extreme sorrow denial pain and then acceptance but you'll be ok.
     
  15. Pret Allez

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    No. I feel so much better about myself ever since telling my friends that I'm queer. Since I have my bedrock of safety now, I come out to my friends, and acceptance of my sexual orientation is a condition of friendship.


    That's terrible, and I think it's brave and important that you came out!
     
  16. unknown12

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    The responses on here are truly amazing! I'm honestly about to come out to at least one friend. The pain of not coming out is eating away at me. I just want someone else to know, besides a boyfriend. I do not care at the moment what happens with my friends, i just want to be true to myself and others. Thanks for the responses, i know im not the only one going through the motions.
     
  17. Gravity

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    I'm glad to hear you're planning on coming out to a friend - good luck!
     
  18. Mackattack

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    For me it was harder being in the closet and not telling them. It made things so much better after I came out to them.
     
  19. Andbenz0189

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    you know what happened to me, i started telling my closest friends, all of them heterosexual. i was scared to tell a couple of them, but ended up coming out to my closest friends. after this, i realized that the reason i had chosen those friends to know, was because if i told the other friends i didn't really care to lose them as much. i guess i ended up seeing that those who accept you are the ones that are worth having as friends. the rest just don't need to know, because deep down they're not important. In the case that you lose a friend, he wasn't a good one anyways, so it's better if you know.
     
  20. unknown12

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    ughh im so stressed out about this my stomach is hurting :frowning2: gonna try and come out this weekend to at least one friend. any support would be appreciated