So there's this girl at my college. This is the 4th semester in a row that I've had a class with her. We both have the same major, but there's about 55 different classes to choose from and we've ended up taking the same classes at the same times with the same teachers 4 semesters in a row. First two semesters, I never talked to her. We're both the quiet ones of the class who like to sit in the very back row and keep to ourselves. Then last semester (the 3rd time we had class together), we finally ended up sitting next to each other and acknowledging that we recognized each other from our previous classes and would sometimes chat a little before class started. Now in our fourth semester together (which just started 4 weeks ago), we sit together at the back of the classroom. I never really thought much of her all this time I've known her; I just knew she was the quiet one like me in all our classes. But after last semester ended, I found myself really hoping that I'd have a class with her again. Now that I do, I'm beginning to think that I might like her. The class is 3 times a week, and I always get really excited to see her. We always smile at each other, say hi, and then sit together. Before class starts, sometimes we would talk (always about school related stuff), and other times, we don't have anything to say. So I'm wondering how I can go about getting to know her or at least finding some words to start conversations with her. I don't know her orientation, but she's more than likely straight (after all, most girls are). Even if she wasn't, I wouldn't be good enough for her. I just feel so stupid and inadequate around her, but I just want to at least befriend her. But at the same time, I feel stupid for even wanting this; it's not like there's a chance she'd like me. I just keep thinking about her. I also have social anxiety and low self-esteem, so I always assume that people just don't like me for whatever reason. I get scared that maybe she doesn't even want me sitting next to her But, I can't help but think that it's somehow a little bit meant to be that I keep having classes with her. I mean, there are people with my same major who I've never had a class with in the past 5 semesters. Yet I've had classes with this girl 4 semesters in a row (unplanned). I just don't know what to do. I just don't want to keep feeling so...at a loss for words around her. I don't even have the guts to add her on facebook or ask to exchange contact info in case we wanted to study or had questions on the homework I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading and responding, if you do. I didn't think this would turn out to be so long-winded :icon_redf
Sometimes you've just gotta put yourself out there. If you don't talk to her, you can't get to know her. I understand about not wanting to, because I can be a lot like that too. Offering an opinion on something, even just something small, can help to drag them into talking with you, especially if you ask a question, like 'Do you like this?' or 'What do you think about...?' Hope that helped
Hmm...since you sit next to her, get a magazine like, Maxim and look through it while in class. Only do it to get a reaction out of her and then, that'll determine how she feels about women who likes women. If she asks to look then you're good to go! I have terrible anxiety as well and it hinders me from doing things that I'd love to do. How you thought about taking medication for anxiety? I'll admit it that it's been my lifesaver. I've had to present presentations at school in front of a lot of people and anti anxiety medication helped me with that. I also pretend to have a ton of confidence when I really do not. Sometimes, you have to fake it until you make it. It's really paid off for me
Whoah...getting a Maxim magazine would necessitate a whole new level of courage that I don't have! Haha. And flashing it in front of everyone (regardless of who) is out of the question. I may as well just hold a rainbow flag ride: :lol: I don't know what to do. I just feel conflicted. On the one hand, I'll bet she's straight so there's almost no reason for me to pursue even talking to her. On the other hand, even if she is straight, I can't help but wish that I could know her a little more. But why bother getting to know someone and getting to like them even more if I'm just disappointing myself? I don't stand a chance. As for the anxiety, yes, I've wanted to take medication. My parents know I have terrible anxiety, but they don't know the cause and the fact that it's actually social anxiety above general anxiety as well. They bought me this homeopathic medication called Calms Forte, which is actually supposed to be a sleep aid as well as overall relaxant. It does nothing for me. What else could I take for anxiety that doesn't require a prescription? Getting a prescription would require going to a psych doctor, and that would open up many cans of worms that I don't want my family knowing about. ---------- Post added 21st Sep 2012 at 12:41 AM ---------- Yeah, I know I have to put myself out there even if I'm uncomfortable doing it I just don't even know how to open my mouth first. I'm scared to say the wrong thing or to come off the wrong way. And if I ask random questions, I feel awkward...like I'm purposely trying to avoid a silence or something.
I guess I just didn't care what people thought of me while being in school. I actually had a subscription to Maxim and other so called ”Mens'” magazines delivered to my house It was kinda funny because I was looking at the magazine one day while I was with my best friend. And her cousin secretly asked her why was I looking at that type of magazine? It was one of the weirdest yet funniest way that I came out to someone who I barely knew. And you're right, that is a bit straightforward...I mean, these days, I literally approach women who I find attractive and I simply ask them if they like women. I have nothing to lose, but rejection does suck. However, at least I can say that I tried and failed than never had tried at all. There's a 50/50% chance that she is into women or at least that's how I look at it. And I'm currently taking xanax for anxiety, although the side effects are annoying. But the benefits of the medication outweighs the side effects. I will most definitely think of a way for you to talk to her because it does seem like it's meant to be Even if she's straight, she could very well be curious...
Well I wouldn't mind getting a subscription sent to my house, but bringing it to class with me is another thing haha. But great that it outed you so well with your friend's cousin! And how is it that you go about approaching women and just blatantly asking them if they're interested? Walk me through your process :icon_wink Wow, 50/50?! If the odds were that good, the gays would be very happy. Supposedly only 10% of people are gay, which means at most, half of them - 5% - are women. But in any case, I don't have a chance :icon_sad: But I want to talk to her, but the more I do, the more I'd get to like her. But if I like her more and I don't stand a chance, than it'll all be for nothing. I've done everything I could these past few years to distance myself from people. I've even pushed away some of my good friends because I'm too scared to be myself with them and I'm too scared they'll hurt me. But I do regret that, and I want to change.
Just find common ground-- such as your shared major-- and go from there. What do you both like? What do you both dislike? Is there a professor that totally inspires you both? Do you both totally hate it when the caf serves that one food item from Mars that totally grosses you out? Just have conversations like you would with any friend. From there, move on to "hey do you want to grab lunch together sometime" and stuff like that. Just let it flow naturally. A friendship will develop, and maybe something more. Worst case scenario, you end up with an awesome friend!!
Well...supposedly, 10% of the population are gay, but I'm not sure if that includes people who are not out. I tried to sugar coat the 50/50% chance, but that's probably only in an openly gay community where the proportionate of gay/bisexual women to straight women are higher. And I'll give you tips on how I work up the courage to approach women. First, I spot someone I find attractive and find a reason to get closer to her. Next, I'll give her a compliment, then go from there! I just randomly ask questions, like- where are you from? Do you live around here...pretty much whatever comes to mind. Just relax and let it come naturally, I think you're overanalyzing it,, which is something I used to do, but confidence is key!
Hey I know its difficult but maybe you could just ask what she likes doing when she isnt studying or something, just really straight forward and open ended and then hopefully she will continue the converstation. If you find out what she likes doing it will probably give you other topics for future conversations.
Yup, I totally get that! And I wish I could make conversation just flow that easily. A few problems I have: 1) I feel awkward just asking a random question out of the blue if it's not related to what we're doing in class; 2) I'm not good at thinking on my feet. I do better in writing when I have time to sit down and formulate my thoughts. That being said, I'm sometimes at a loss for words during face to face conversation or I'd say something lame and think of something better to say long after the fact ; 3) we only have less than 10 minutes before class starts to talk. I have a class that's right before the one we have together, so by the time I get to the room, there's usually about 7-8 minutes left before the professor comes in and starts talking. Even the one time that we were talking about our professor from last semester who we really like, it got cut when class time started. As for getting lunch, our class ends at 11am, and she has several more right after it. I'd be way too scared to even ask that anyways. But thanks for all your suggestions though! I'll keep working on it. ---------- Post added 21st Sep 2012 at 04:30 PM ---------- Yeah, I just feel strange asking someone, "So what do you like to do?" Or even if I try to bring up things that I like (like tv shows, movies, music), it's kind of a hit or miss thing if I say, "Do you like so and so band?" And if she says "no" then that's done with. :eusa_doh: ---------- Post added 21st Sep 2012 at 04:38 PM ---------- Sounds easier said than done! Have you actually had luck approaching women like that? You gotta have a lot of confidence to do that...and you'd probably need to be pretty good-looking too, so I guess you're all set! And those basic questions that people ask when they meet...we've already basically covered. When you're students, it basically goes, "What's your major? What classes are you taking? What do you plan to do? Where are you from? Where are you living? Dorms? Apartments? etc." We've already talked about that pretty much! You're right. I always overanalyze. I live in my head. But that's only because you can never know what people are thinking, so I try to fill in those holes myself. The unknown is scary :icon_sad:
It is tough to ask questions but sometimes you have to just take a really deep breath and go for it, im shy so I understand that its tough, but worse case scenario she says no or a short answer you havent lost anything you are in the same position but one question lighter. The reason I prefer the more open questions is because its harder for her to say yes or no and invites her to also make conversation her end. Perhaps you could practice on a few people here on EC, just post on some peoples walls and ask a few questions it helped me when I first came I was so scared, so I made myself talk to people, just like 1 a day or 1 every other day, just start slow and work up to it.
I know I have to try, but I don't have a lot of confidence talking to people. I haven't made a new friend in a couple years, so with no one to hang out with, I don't even get to practice socializing. I listen to other people talk with one another in class, and it just seems so easy. It's like effortless for them, and their conversations just kind of flow. Even if people are sitting far away from me and I can't hear them, I just see the talking to each other and smiling and know that their conversation is going smoothly. I'm always amazed
Practice makes perfect. Dont worry I know its not easy, but conversation isnt flowing from her either so take confidence in that fact as I think its quite possible she is feeling exactly the same way you are. She is probably nervous too and thats what makes its so difficult but the more you try the easier it will get.
Awww don't get my hopes up! :icon_redf Haha. It's like maybe a 1% chance that what you said is the case and 99% is that she just doesn't care to talk to me. Ugh being gay sucks. Anyways, thanks for all your responses and giving me tips! I really appreciate it
