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I don't know if I like her, or I am making myself like her

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by csocm, Sep 22, 2012.

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  1. csocm

    csocm
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    So the last week I was talking to one of my friends about how I didn't like any of the girls in my school and that I had only really liked two girls since I realized I was gay. But this year I met this girl and shes really cool and we talk during bio and are usually working in the same group for stuff. I think I might like her, but I'm not sure if this is me trying to finally get over the girl from my church trip, by making myself like this other girl. I don't know if she's straight or not, but I could kinda see her not being straight. I don't really know how to explain this because I'm pretty confused right now, so any advice would be great.
     
    #1 csocm, Sep 22, 2012
  2. BudderMC

    BudderMC
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    This is just my opinion, not necessarily solid, grounded advice, but if you need to think this hard about whether or not you actually "like" her, my guess is you don't (or at least not as much as you think you do).

    I will say though, I don't think replacing unrequited love with potentially unrequited love is a great idea.
     
    #2 BudderMC, Sep 22, 2012
  3. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! When you are with the girl that you think you like, what is happening within you? Usually, if you really like someone, and have an attraction to, you will feel it inside of you. One thing you might want to pay attention to is how you feel when you are around her. Do you have that butterfly feeling? Do you want to be near her?

    That said, given that you are not sure about her sexual orientation, one of the very first steps would be for you to come out to her (if you are not out to her) and see how she reacts and what she responds.

    That said, and as BudderMC mentioned, you don't want to get into a situation where you try to find a another girl without having real feelings for her, just so that you get over another girl. You could be setting up yourself for an emotional roller coaster ride.

    Ask yourself: what am I feeling for this girl in bio class?
     
    #3 Mirko, Sep 22, 2012
  4. Chickzak

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    I second this, said perfectly.
    Personally dont think coming out her is always the best idea, what are the chances she is gay or is attracted to girls in any way. Or she might freak out and jump to conclusions, I dont know, but think about what your hearts saying, as opposed to your head.
    Not sure how useful my advice is, I've come back from a tiring day at work, but hope everything works out okaay :kiss:
     
    #4 Chickzak, Sep 22, 2012
  5. spectrumsigner

    spectrumsigner
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    I totally agree with Mirko.

    And with Chickzak. Don't come out to her until you feel it's the right time.

    Best of luck! Keep us posted! :slight_smile:
     
    #5 spectrumsigner, Sep 22, 2012
  6. musikk021

    musikk021
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    I know what you mean. I've been in love with the same girl since 8th grade, and I'm a junior in college now. She's straight, so there's no hope there. Nonetheless, that doesn't stop me from how I feel for her. From time to time, I do have little crushes on girls, but it's usually purely physical. I find them cute, and they make me nervous, but that's about all. In the end, there's only one girl in my heart. However, I sometimes find that I (maybe unconsciously) do develop crushes in order to try to divert my heart's attention away from my straight love. And I get attached to people easily, though I try to resist it. And whenever someone's nice to me or even bothers to acknowledge me, I start to feel connected to them in some way. I don't have friends to hang out with during the regular school year, so maybe I somewhat cling on to anyone who pays attention to me.

    I've recently started sort of developing a crush on this one girl in my class. I've had 3 classes in a row with her in the past 3 semesters, and I have another class with her this semester (making it the 4th time in a row we've had classes together). I never thought much about her until recently. Now, I get really excited to see her, she makes me nervous, and I find her really cute. We only chat a little bit before class starts and it's always about school. I don't know what I'm feeling or why. I'm pretty sure she's straight, though like you said, I could kinda image her not being straight. I don't think I have any hope here, and my heart is still not "available," but I can't help what I feel and I don't know what it is.
     
    #6 musikk021, Sep 22, 2012
  7. csocm

    csocm
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    I have been trying to figure out if I have feelings for her or not. And I didn't get like that butterfly feeling when I was around her. However, she was away the past couple of days for a college visit and I missed her a fair amount. Like we were working in our lab groups and it just felt really different and I think I mentioned her a bunch of times. The other two people in my group are friends that I have known for a while, so it's not like I am just lonely in the class.

    I feel like she could maybe like me, like I was complaining about how busy I was and mentioned how I had like a golf match, the next day she asked me how my match had gone. She also asked to read some of the story I am working on, but that's probably because I talk about some of my characters all the time. I am really bad with these types of things so I don't know if I am like imagining this stuff or not.
     
    #7 csocm, Sep 28, 2012
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