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help with unwanted affection

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Myra48, Sep 22, 2012.

  1. Myra48

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    as ive said before, this guy at college asked me out. luckily neither of us have a car, so we cant leave. but now, hes always asking to hang out. i went to his dorm and we watched a movie, which was fine. but then he wanted to walk around campus to this little gazebo thing, and he always has to sit too close for comfort. i suggested that i go to my dorm and just call it an evening, but he complained that he couldnt go. so we went back to his dorm, and saw a few guys playing a game throughout the dorm. we joined them. this is where i actually had fun. i was the only girl and they actually kind of didnt treat me like a girl, which made me happy. later we all went out and played capture the flag untill about 11:30 after that, i said that im going to go back to my dorm. Alex always insists that he walks me to my dorm so we walked back, but then he wanted to go in, even though we didnt have open dorms. so we went to the lounge and he sat in the middle of a small couch. making me sit incredibly close to him. i reminded him that he only got 4 hours of sleep the night before and he finally decided to go. but then he wanted me to hug him. i didnt want to but i quickly hugged him. he said what kind of hug is that and made me hug him close and tight. what if he wants me to kiss him. how do i get him off my back without hurting his feelings. i want to remain friends, i love his friendship and company, but then he has to ruin it by wanting to hug me. what do i do
     
  2. ForceAndVerve

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    I personally see nothing wrong with a hug, but ye, if he did ask you to kiss him, I would just politely turn him down. If he asks why, I guess you're just going have to tell him he's friend-zoned in the nicest way possible.

    How do you tihnk he will resond if you just told him that your not interested in guys?
     
  3. spectrumsigner

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    Boundaries are important. Tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel-- or don't feel-- toward him.
     
  4. DarkestJade

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    I can understand how that hugging thing can make you feel uncomfortable... people don't make a big deal out of it in todays world, but it's a lot more intimate than most people realize. I mean, it's still a physical expression and in a way it's meaningful in that it brings your hearts together. A hug can heal pain and soothe even the worst times even that little bit, but it's not something you just do with anyone. I would suggest maybe just showing your discomfort and if he won't pick up on the signs, then politely explain to him that you're not the type for hugging... It could work...

    If he doesn't want to leave it there, then letting him down hard might be the only way. It seems as though he really has a liking for you, so rather sooner than later... as feelings tend to grow even when they aren't always reciprocated...
     
  5. Myra48

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    ok, so i told my grandma about him and she thinks im crazy for not liking him. hes so sweet, he always gives me his jacket when im cold, hes protective, and just very nice. but im not interested. i feel horrible, and now i feel like i should like him. i mean, im not attracted to him at all in that way, but i feel so bad.
     
  6. Hsj22

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    If you're not attracted to him, there is nothing wrong with that. You just have to communicate that to him. Trust me on this, I've tried dating men I'm not attracted to and have no feelings towards, I became unhappy. Don't do that to yourself, don't date someone out of guilt or because you 'should.'