I want to start out by saying that I have never been in a relationship and never been on a date with a guy. I went on a few dates with girls back when I was trying to convince myself that I could make myself not be gay, but they never really progressed into a relationship because I was dating girls more because I felt like I ought to be rather than that I was attracted to her. So because of my lack of experience, I feel like a complete novice when it comes to asking out guys. Here is where it starts to get complicated for me. I went out with 3 weeks ago to a gay bar with one of my friends, who I'll call Paul, and some of his friends. We all got really drunk and I ended up going home with one of his friends, who I'll call John, where we hooked up. I had to leave pretty early in the morning to go to work and didn't bother to get his number the night before, not to mention he lost his phone that night (found it again a few days later), and we didn't exchange numbers in the morning either but I said I wanted to hang out again and he agreed. I facebooked him about a week and a half ago and we haven't messaged or anything since then either, even though I have kind of been crushing on him. Two nights ago I went out again with Paul again to the same place and we ended up hanging out with a different group of his friends that I had never met before. One of those guys who I'll call Andy, is a really cool guy who is a lot of fun to hang out with, but not really my type. We had some drinks but I didn't get nearly as drunk as the first night, and he was really into me, but I wasn't really into him. Here is where my inexperience with relationships kind of screwed me, Andy said he really liked me and asked me if I liked him, I didn't know what to say, so I just said I did and we kissed a little at the bar, but I didn't let it go any further than that, and we went separate ways after that. Now Andy has been messaging me about when we are going to hang out again and I don't really now what to say because I am really into John, who couldn't make it out two nights ago but I did get his number from Paul. So I texted John last night for the first time to see if he wanted to hang out and catch up, and his response was that it would be cool to catch up. Also Andy knows John, and knows that I hooked up with somebody, but not with who. I also know that John is single and that Paul says I should try to hang out with him. I know that these questions are probably stupid, but I don't really know what to say to John or to Andy. Being so inexperienced I am afraid of being too forward with John, but I really like him and want hang out. Also I am not sure to gauge whether he is into me or if it was just one night hook up. I also like Andy as a friend, but don't want to date him, and don't know how to let him know I'm not interested without making him too upset. Please help!
Asking someone to hang out is in no way being too forward. You're totally in the clear to do that. As far as gauging how into you he is, you can't even cross that bridge until you've hung out with him. So go for it! As for Andy, I think you need to just be honest with him. You can blame the alcohol if you aren't comfortable admitting that it was your inexperience that made you say you like him, but you need to be honest with him about the fact that you don't like him the same way he seems to like you. At the very least, he might feel led on if you don't make that clear soon enough; at worst, it could lead to a lot of unwanted attention from him if you don't make it clear now that that attention isn't welcome.
Nip the Andy thing in the bud before it goes any further. I did the same with someone who was really into me once, kissed them because I didn't want to say I wasn't interested, and it turned into a 6 month nigh on stalk. I'd get phone calls every day seeing if I wanted to do something, Facebook, texts. If we bumped into each other on a night out (or both went out with mutual friends) he'd be constantly around me wanting something. Was a nightmare. It might sound like you're being brutal, but keeping someone along with no intention of anything happening is crueller than telling them no.
