I fucking hate this... I'm tired of being a secret. Tired of no one knowing and not being able to be myself. Sometimes I can't tell my girlfriend I love her because other people are in the room. Or my friends start talking about their bf and i really wanna talk about my gf and how its the same kinda thing they are talking bout, but i cant. Cuz no one knows. Only my best friend back home knows. Im 3 hours away from my gf and home. I hardly get to see her. I love her with all my heart and i cant stand being apart so much. I'm roomates with someone who doesnt know im bi and doesnt know i have a gf. So everytime my gf calls i can only talk like she is my friend. I cant say i love u unless my roommate is gone. I hate this so much. I dont wanna do this anymore. I would NEVER breake up with my gf and thats not what im trying to say. I just dont wanna be a secret anymore, but im scared of the other option. Im scared of everyone knowing. I have know idea what my roomate thinks of gays, les, bi people. We never talk about that stuff. I'm just tired of not being able to be me. All the little things are getting to me now. I played life today and i wanted to pick out a girl when it said i got married, but i picked a boy cuz know one knows the real me. Last night at dinner with a bunch of girls i wanted to talk about my story when they got on the topic of their bf. but i couldnt. Another thing i just thought of. We were watching a Captain America and it was the scene where the guy is all muscular and no shirt on. My roommate's were all like oh he's hot. and i just kept quiet cuz in my mind i was thinking not to me. I know my orientation says bi, but idk if thats true or not. All these little things are killing me. I cant take this anymore. Im sorry for the typos and rambling. Im having a bad night. I just got into a little fight with my gf over the fact that i couldnt tell her i love her on the phone. She is getting tired of this too. I cant wait till the day we can live together and none of this happens anymore. When we are toghether we never fight. Like all this last summer when we lived together we were perfect, life was great, we never fought, but right now with the distance and no one knowing that we are dating little things make us upset. Its just terrible and painful to act like ur someone else all day. And when topics like dating come up having to lie and act all the time. Im gonna explode soon. I cant do this anymore. I dont wanna be a secret.
Just tell the whole world, just tell them now! Cuz being hidden and a secret is the hardest thing in the world and I can't take it anymore! I'm sorry... Im really having a break down right now..... I just dont know what to do anymore.
Hi there! (*hug*) I think it's great that you wrote it all out, and have started to verbalize your frustration about the situation you are finding yourself in. When you re-read your post, I'm sure the answer will scream out at you. While coming out might not be easy and sounds scary as you don't know what your roommate things about LGBTs, but what about the option of just continuing to talk to your girlfriend (even when your roommate is in the room) and pretending that she knows. Alternatively, why not talk to your roommate, and maybe bring up the topic of LGBT rights or something else that would allow you to gauge as to how she might react or what her thoughts are. Once you know that, you can start planning your next move then. Reading through your thread, it seems that the volcano is about to explode. You can already hear the volcano rumbling. So, you have to make a decision as to whether it is feasible for you to keep hiding and not being able to be open about yourself, and starting to feel tired and perhaps depressed about it, or whether coming out is the best option at this point. I'd say, it is the latter.
I agree that coming out might be the best option even though its really scary. Maybe you can start with someone who isnt your roommate and then you can build up a little support just incase when you tell her it doesnt go so well. In the meantime what I think I would do is when you do get a chance to speak to your girlfriend properly make up some code words for the things you really want to say, so 'I love you' could be 'I love subway' or 'I really fancy an ice cream' or 'is it cold there' literally anything that works for you. It need to be a sentance or several sentances that if heard by your roomate would be normal friend chat but your girlfriend will know what you really mean. Have you seen the film ghost? In that Demi Moore says 'I love you' and Patrick Swayze never says it back he just says 'ditto' now I know thats not as good as being about to say the real thing but it might just buy you a bit of time whilst you work out what to do, or how to do it. You can also make up things for 'I miss you' and anything else you feel you might want to say, it can become kind of cute.
Yes the volcano is about to explode. Ur right. In my mind i wanted to go walk over to her side of the room and just wake her up and talk about all this. I was crying my eyes out while thinking all this. and i'm still trying to calm myself down so i can think clearly. I re-read my post like u said and yeah i kinda realize that it screams tell someone. I'm still trying to get myself calmed down so I can think clearly. So ill try to read this all again later after i calm down and maybe sleep some. Its just scarying to think about telling her. I don't really know her very well, and we are friends but not close friends. We are still learning stuff about each other. And since I'm very busy all the time, i don't see her very often. I wouldn't even know how to tell her. We have never talked about relationships, or dating. Although just a guess, i dont think she has ever had a bf, and im almost certain she doesn't have one now. But I also am about 99.9% sure she is straight. I'm also afraid that since she is my roommate and lives with me that she will feel uncomfortable around me. She has a tendency to walk around in her shorts and sports bra cuz she is an athlete and on the cross country team. It doesn't bug me and im not attracted to her either, but if i tell her she still might feel uncomfortable living with me. If i did tell her, i wouldn't know how to do it. So far I've really only told my one best friend and she was pretty easy to tell cuz she guessed it.
Hi there! Take a few deep breaths, and try to relax for a bit. Although things might seem daunting at the moment, things have a way of working out. If you don't know her well, try to engage her a bit, and talk with her. Could you not find some time, and ask her if she would like to join you for a coffee or a bite to eat on campus or off campus to talk with her and start getting to know her better? While it might take a bit of effort on your part, but you are doing this for a very important reason. As you talk with her and start getting to know her, you will find out what the best way of letting her know will be. Try not to get hung up on the little details at this point. Try to view the bigger picture.
I'm so sorry we had that fight last night. I was tired and cranky but i guess thats no excuse for the way I was sounding... (*hug*) I'll be with you every step of the way no matter what you chose to do
I've thought about this all day. I know that I'm not ready to tell my roommate, and I'm not sure if I'LL ever be. I'm gonna try to find an opportunity to figure out her option on the topic though. If I ever get that chance. I'm much more reasonable than I was last night. I just needed to vent, let it all out, and then get some sleep. Last night I wanted to tell everyone, cuz I was tired of living a lie. And I'm still tired of that, but I'm not gonna tell the world lol, cuz then the world would come crashing down on me. But I think I'm ready to tell someone close to me. I need to start coming out, before i just explode and come out. I think I might tell my sister. She is the closest family member to me and always feel like I can talk to her about anything. I'm not sure her option on LGBT's but I know that she would be supportive if it was me. My only concern with telling her is that she isn't good with hiding the truth. She would never tell my secret, but she is the worst liar in the world. So if someone asked her she would NOt tell them my secret, but the truth would be all over her face. Since I'm not home very often though it may be a while till I get a chance to tell her. But I think I'll prepare a letter, and when i get the chance find a time we can go out and do something together and just talk alone for once. And I'll hand her the letter and then talk to her after she reads it. At least that's my idea. Idk if or when ill be able to do it though with my busy schedule and hardly being home. But i wanna try. Thank you all who helped me last night. I needed it. (*hug*) To FireBender: its not ur fault. There's been a lot more things that have been adding up lately and i was bound to get upset and explode one of these nights. And thank you. U know it means the world to me that your always there for me. (*hug*)
