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alone yet again :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hatethiscloset, Sep 23, 2012.

  1. hatethiscloset

    Regular Member

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    I have been so emotional the last few days, I can't even take it anymore. So I have these two friends, one girl and one guy. We've been friends for a while, but these last 2 years we have gotten really close. We would refer to ourselves as a trio and always hang out just the 3 of us without the rest of our group always tagging along.... But for the last few months my two best friends have been on and off crushing on each other. I was with them last night and now this crush is starting all over again with them. I can't help thinking its only a matter of time before they date. I want to be happy for them but I just feel shitty. I have really low self esteem as it is, this will just make everything worse. I have figured out I'm upset for 2 reasons.
    1. The obvious one, if they date I will be out of the loop. I really liked the fact that we had our own exclusive thing between us and they are 2 of the closest friends I have. If they date, im pretty much out of that.
    2. I loving being friends with them both, but the truth is I think my friendship with the guy is causing my recent depression. He is literally good at everything, then theres me whos not. I try to brush it off but recently I can't. He and I do very similar things, but he's better at them all. We are seniors and recently had our senior favorite's voting, and he got 4 awards while I got none. I dont care about the awards, but I wanted to cry because I was told I was so close but he was just a little better....like always. even in our friend group the girls always say how good looking he is and they all really want to spend time with him but they say nothing about me. So if he dates my other friend it will be further confirmation that he can get a relationship and I cant. They will go off and be happy with each other and I will be alone. I really hate myself right now, I've gotten to the point where even if the most insignificant good thing happens to me I justify to myself why it happened to me instead of him, as if it was just a lucky mistake.
    I want to be happy for them but I just can't stop feeling like this.
     
  2. Caudex

    Caudex Guest

    I know how you feel about someone always being a little better than you. I have the exact same problem. We have this math team at school on which only 3 people can compete, I always get fourth to his third, usually by something like 1 point out of 500. He's faster than I am in cross country. I can beat everyone but him at my school in chess. He's more attractive than I am, he's in a relationship, he got 27 votes to 23 in our school treasurer election. The way I view it is that since he's near the top of our class, and I'm near him, that means I'm near the top of our class too. As for the relationship, I disagree with your feelings. Like I said, he has a girlfriend, but it's not like he spends every second with her. Don't worry.
     
  3. hatethiscloset

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    Yeah I just get sooo sick of it after a while. I mean honestly, if he wasn't around I would be the one who was the best at all this stuff. But just because he's around I'm ALWAYS second best. Don't get me wrong though, I don't blame him for this at all. To make myself feel better I always side with him or root for him in all of his activities and stuff like that. How messed up is that lol, I side with him over myself.
     
  4. Bradders

    Bradders Guest

    I'm sorry to read your story, made me feel quite upset - I know how it feels to have two friends date and just be pushed out slightly - it's not a nice feeling at all =S

    In terms of the second point you made... have you tried talking to this guy about how you feel? Or maybe not him... maybe a teacher/consellor/someone else about how you feel second best? :S It might help you to get your feelings out?

    Could always try taking up something new, something that is uniquely yours and that you can be proud of doing - like... I started archery, for example - not many people do it, so I've nobody to compare to :grin:

    Still, you shouldn't have to compare yourself to other people, so I feel very sorry for you :frowning2: (*hug*)
     
  5. hatethiscloset

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    I feel slightly better about all this than before, although the feelings are still there :/ Wanna know the most messed up part about this? I am actually helping my friends get together....I know this sounds completely contradictory. Its like as much as I hate being pushed out of the loop, I really want my friends to be happy. Also, doing this makes me feel like I'm being a better friend because I'm there for them.... I just know that once they officially date (partially because of me) I will feel even worse.
     
  6. Bradders

    Bradders Guest

    Well they're obviously insanely lucky to have such a caring friend :O

    I hope they realise how lucky they are to have you - and in my opinion they don't really deserve you if all they're gonna do is push you away from them :S

    I know you don't want to lose them but...
    Maybe, if they do push you away, it might be a good idea to find some other people, until they realise that they've lost a great friend? :S

    Just a suggestion (*hug*)
     
  7. hatethiscloset

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    The thing is, they don't push me away deliberately or any more than they should. But if they do date I will expect a little separation from them, which is definitely understandable....I just don't really want that to happen at all. I just mentioned to them jokingly about what would happen to me and they said I would stay just as included as before :slight_smile: I really hope this turns out to be true. Even if I am included though, I can't stop thinking that most of my friends are moving forward and getting relationships while I'm always stuck in the same place--single.
     
  8. Bradders

    Bradders Guest

    Well it's difficult to get into a relationship if you're stuck in a closet =S

    You shouldn't have to compare yourself to others, you're an individual, and although peer pressure is bound to happen, you need to focus on yourself, and your own needs, not everyone elses :slight_smile: <3

    Do these two friends know you're gay? If they do you could probably tell them about how you feel everyone's moving on etc., but if they don't... I dunno xD

    I'm not very good at advice, sorry, but I'm trying my best (*hug*)
     
  9. hatethiscloset

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    The girl knows, and I can honestly say it is the best decision I've ever made to tell her. She and I are closer than ever now. As for the guy, I want to tell him at some point, I just haven't gotten the courage to yet. And thank you, the advice is greatly appreciated :slight_smile:
     
  10. Bradders

    Bradders Guest

    Congratulations, I'm glad it went well for you! :grin: