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I'm not sure this is healthy...(severe mood swings and rantiness)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MusicIsLife, Sep 23, 2012.

  1. MusicIsLife

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    Hey all,

    I didn't think this was really a health issue, which is why I'm posting this here.

    Here's how my mind has been functioning over the past few months:

    miserable and depressed, then have a severe anxiety attack, mostly brought on at night when I realize that I have breasts and men are not supposed to have breasts then I cry myself to sleep and I wake up and am hollow. I put on a smile, people ask me if I am okay, when really I have...nothing. I feel empty. Then I go home and the hollowness shifts to anger at EVERYTHING usually triggered by my family -- my mom giving me hell for no reason, my brother biting my head off because he gets nasty, stupid and violent when he gets stoned which seems to be all the time lately, then I go and hide in my room and feel stressed out. Then I bury myself into my various fandoms and fanboy over tumblr to forget my problems, then I have to go to bed which I don't want to do because then I have to think and I don't like thinking because it makes me really sad and the whole cycle resets itself.

    My only solace is cooking, which sounds stupid as I write it down because it's a natural thing everyone does to eat, but I feel happier when I cook. Then my family comes home and invades my space and I panic and hide, and I can't be happy.

    I hate myself, maybe it's the panic attack talking and maybe I need to be on something to keep me calm but I;m freaking out for no reason again and if you read through all this crazy you really need a medal.
     
  2. starfish

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    Fist off (*hug*)

    From your posts over the past while, it seems you are really unhappy with your current situation. When you are unhappy for a long period of time what you describe is not unusual.

    It seems your living situation is the cause of a lot of your unhappiness. It might not be possible for you to move right now, but could you take a trip and get away for a few days?

    Another thing which helps me is to put together a plan on how to make things better. Just remember that you eat an elephant the same way you eat a cookie. One bite at a time.