1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Still battling on, new problems with coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by NVNG1990, Sep 24, 2012.

  1. NVNG1990

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2012
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oxford/Leeds
    Gender:
    Male
    So i've just started my final year at university and this is the first intense environment where i am constantly surrounded by my peers. I've sort of come out to myself just recently (May 2012) and now find myself with my other housemates who i have not yet told (although it is likely that they very much suspect that i am gay). I thought i would be able to hold off telling any of them for a while, but in just one week back into term and i find myself being paranoid and nervous about giving myself away entirely and have no idea how to broach the subject of coming out to them.

    I still have days when i just cannot decide what i should do about being gay. I think about far too often and its just completely stressing me out now.

    In fact i've only just experienced another dilemma where i made friends with a good looking, talkative and funny girl in my lecture. Before i came out to myself (deluding myself that i was straight) this is the sort of girl that i would have gone for and now i don't know whether i should see where the friendship goes or just say to now 'look i'm just accepting/think that i'm gay.' It's like, this is fate just annoying me and saying, this is the sort of girl who you could've been happily straight/normal boyfriend and girlfriend relationship....yet i'm still glancing at the handsome guy in the front seats.

    Am i being completely pathetic? I dont wont to mislead this girl, but i'm still not sure? All advice greatly greatly appreciated. :slight_smile:
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    As far as your roommates go, if you don't hang out and have "meaningful" conversations all that often, why not just go under the assumption that they already know? Then you don't have to give them a big talk, and you don't have to worry if they find out...because you're assuming they already DID find out. :slight_smile:

    As for the girl, I don't see any reason not to continue down the friendship route unless you're getting some really heavy signals that she wants this to be a romantic relationship. If she's getting touchy-feely or something, it might be time to tell her.

    Lex
     
  3. NVNG1990

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2012
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oxford/Leeds
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks for the advice Lexington,

    I think i will just have to play it by ear and see how it goes with the lecture girl, but it can feel awkward at times. As for the housemates, we do tend to hang out and i've known them now for almost three years. The thing is though is that there are 4 other guys (one who is very very attractive and who publicly does his gym weight routine close to my room)and 4 girls in the house. Whilst i can expect it to be easier to tell the girls, i just don't want things to change and feel awkward around the guys. Its like i know things just wont be the same. Plus i'm concerned one of them is particularly homophobic.
     
  4. Chrissouth53

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2012
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Boston USA
    As Lexington said, just assume they know you are gay. If you need to reinforce it, mention it in passing like "can't go out for beers Friday as I'm going to my LGBT meeting" or "since I'm the only gay guy here, I'll be the designated driver for you and your dates".

    However, I think you need to straighten out (no pun intended) your feelings for lecture girl. If you are bi, you may want to hold off defining yourself to everyone else.