Think my boyfriend is gay & im scard i dont kno what to do

He sounds like he's gay... I would consider being friends? I mean you both like men... I would consider thinking about his feelings and understand that your dating a gay man

 

He could be bisexual. Or he could be straight or gay or anywhere in between.


http://i605.photobucket.com/albums/tt137/auntb93also/JPEGS/KinseyScale.jpg

 

I don't think the fact that he may be gay/bi is what you should be worrying about, I think the fact that he had been cheating should be first on your worry wish. But then again, you said you forgave him and all, so I guess that's already been addressed.

For now, In my unprofessional opinion, I'd say you should probably just see where things go. At this point, he could either be gay and using you as a cover, or Bi and sincerely in love with you.

I don't really wanna sugar-coat this, but I don't wanna sound like a cold asshole either... But just keep those possibilities in mind.

On another note, just stay strong for now, ok? Hey, and if you need support, that's what this forum is for. We take care of everyone here.

No sad faces on this train, so smile ^^

 

Please stop using all caps. There is no need to shout.

It sounds like he isn't straight. He could be bisexual. But it does seem like he is most likely gay.

More importantly, he keeps cheating on you, which is a perfectly good reason to leave him.

Normally, I would recommend against all the snooping you've done--even someone you are married to, if you were, would be entitled to some privacy, and you should leave him alone about the porn, seriously.

If you really care about him, you should tell him that you will always be his friend even if he's gay. If he's that scared of being completely left by all his friends, you can show him that he will have at least one.

Gay people don't turn straight--even when they pray really hard. It's unlikely that he'll stop being interested in men.

 

Nobody knows what he is, only him. All we can do is guess. I'd say at the very least he could be bisexual. But regardless, I don't think it's very wise to stay in a relationship with him since he keeps cheating and is obviously not exactly happy I don't think. What you can do is try to be there for him if that's something you're willing to do since he probably doesn't have anyone else to turn to at this time. Personally I'd say it's time to break off the romantic relationship you have and let him go out and do his thing so he can figure out what he is.

 

I am sorry that he's been cheating on you. That's not okay in a mutually understood monogamous relationship.

However, I urge you to consider things from his perspective. You practice spying on him on a regular basis. You use his devices without his permission. You even figured out his new email password. Your whole posture is confrontational, and yet you wonder why he gets so mad when you ask if he's gay. Making him feel safe to tell you is a more subtle project. It's things like bringing up LGBT rights in the news, or making conversationally appropriate (i.e. don't randomly bring it up) and approving mentions of homosexuality. It's not bringing the dossier of his infidelity. While that's not cool of him, he's definitely not going to feel safe to tell you anything meaningful if you approach him that way.

I think it's probably that he is gay or at least bisexual, and you should end the relationship because he's cheated on you repeatedly.

I urge you to reconsider snooping as a valid thing to do in a relationship. It's not. If I were dating a person who behaved like you, the first time I knew snooping was going on, I'd dump my partner faster than a blink.

 

What do you mean by "confused?"

If he is confused, it is most likely because he is gay and he keeps trying to be straight. It's not going to be the reverse of that.

What would cause him to think he might like men if he doesn't? If he doesn't like guys, why would he do the things you know he has done?

The way people might treat him for being gay, and the way he himself feels about being gay, are almost certainly the reason he hasn't come out. These are always the reasons that people haven't come out.

 

Whether he's gay or bi or anywhere in between is hard to say. What's pretty apparent from his behavior is he's not 100% straight. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, there is a lot wrong with him going behind your back and having sex with men. Its harmful to your relationship, hurts you, and puts you at risk of potentially catching STDs from whoever he may be having sex with.

As for him not acting gay, there are lots and lots of masculine homosexual and bisexual men. Someone's presentation really isn't a reliable indicator of someone's sexual orientation.

I would not expect this to stop on its own. I can almost guarantee you he's not going to just have sex with a few guys, think "that was fun," and then stop. You need to either see a change in him or dump him. I'm not you, but what I would do is tell him you know what he's been doing, you'll forgive him if he comes clean, and you'll love him just the same. However, if he doesn't come clean and still won't admit to liking guys and cheating on you, I don't think you should stay in a relationship where someone is going to lie to you and sleep with people behind your back.

 

Sounds like a closet case to me... I mean... you obviously care about him alot. And for him to come crawling back to you (I suppose), he most likely cares about you also. I don't see a reason why he couldn't be there on your wedding day to help you pick out some heels .

But you need to start putting up some barriers, because there's about to be alot of emotional breakdown coming your way... I think the easiest and most sane way would be to part as friends. Don't stay in this relationship any longer... you're just going to get yourself hurt more and more (the more time you put towards this, the more you put yourself in a position to be hurt exponentially)

In the end... it's your choice... but just remember that just because you break up... it's not the end of the world or your world... it's just another stepping stone. Now you know what you like and don't like... for example you may have learned that you don't like dating gay men (okay that was a harsh joke) but seriously... get out while you can... there is someone out there who wants you just as much as you want them... and only you.

 

Just to be clear, if he did have a sexual encounter while he was in jail as you mentioned, that would not have changed his sexuality. If he's attracted to men (as he seems to be) he's always been attracted to men. Its possible he could have had a same sex experience that allowed him to realize something he had been suppressing most of his life. However this would not be responsible for him being bisexual/homosexual.

As for him being attracted to older men, some guys just are. Its really not very uncommon.

My initial opinion stands. You need to talk to him and if he doesn't come clean and agree to stop going behind your back then you need to leave him.

 

You need to sit down and talk because you could really end up getting hurt in the end If he is gay. But he did cheat on you... you really need to talk to him and figure out what's going on with him.

 

Realize that we're terrified how other people will treat us if we come out. It's a complete crap shoot. Here's a short list of what we worry about when coming out to other people:

• Will I be lose my friend over this?
• Will I furthermore be ostracized and teased for this?
• Will I lose my job over this?
• Will I get kicked off the team over this?
• Will I be ruined academically over this?
• Will I be beaten for coming out?
• Will I be killed for coming out?

So, if you want to learn anything from him, you have to cut pretty much all of that snooping behavior and make him feel safe.

 

He's probably taking out his frustration with the situation out on you. Its not fair to you, and I really don't think there is anything you can do differently. The ball is in his court. If he wants to make his relationship with you work out he's going to have to learn to trust you and open up and take the chance you are giving him for forgiveness.

I say this from a place of caring for you, but if this man is cheating on you and getting made at you for trying to talk about it, he doesn't sound like ideal boy friend material. I understand you care about him, but if he's not going to treat you like you deserve his respect, you're going to have to move on.

 

Well, I wouldn't feel safe it I were dating an intelligence agency.