Hello everyone. This is going to be a ramble but here goes: I've known since I was little I am not straight. I've never found guys attractive. All the friends I have had in the past talked about boys non stop, so I started 'going out with' guys since I was 12. Yeah, I was young. I lost my virginity two weeks before my 13th birthday, really bad experience. I thought as I got older things would change. That's what everyone says about sexuality when you're a kid. By the time I got to 17, I had already been 'intimate' with over 20 men desperately trying to feel some sort of sexual attraction. But I never did. I had a really close friend, a girl and she turned me on so much it was unreal. When we were chatting, I ended up kissing her, which ended the friendship completely. This is when I clicked I wasn't straight. I have had a serious relationship with only one guy who I felt no physical attraction to, I thought the intimate time was nice, but I had to imagine it was a girl. My second pregnancy was to him, which I sadly lost at 22 weeks. I lost my first at 4 months. So anyway, if you're wondering where I'm going with this, I am getting to that now. I know that I am not straight. I'm a lesbian. I can't accept it. I've known deep down for years. I always wanted to get married and have kids. I have no friends and completely struggle socially, I'm not shy or anything. The only friends I've had laughed at me when I told them the truth. Also, my dad would totally be ashamed of me. He hates lesbians and I've grown up being taught it's wrong. I feel so low and ashamed. Right now I wish I could be someone else. Please give me some advice. Haf xxx
Hey welcome to EC you have come to the right place. Just take a deep breath and calm down. You will find friends here. Firstly im sorry your friends did that to you but you will find true friends and true friends wouldnt do that to you. Im also sorry that you lost your babies. The fact you know your a lesbian is a great start, you might not think so but some people take years to figure it out. You just need to take one step at a time to get you back on track. I know you said you have no friends, so perhaps that can be your first step, maybe you can try and find an LGBT support group or something. It may well be all the shame and stuff surrounding your sexuality that makes you struggle in social situations. If you want to talk feel free to post here or on my wall.
---------- Post added 26th Sep 2012 at 12:14 AM ---------- [/COLOR]Thanks for the reply. I have asperger syndrome, so that makes social interactions awkward and a lot of people think I'm a bit strange. Nevermind. Don't you have to be 'out' before going to LGBT groups?
Oh ok thats understandable but im sure in time you will find the right people to be friends with then they will just accept you for who you are. I dont believe you have to be out before joining a group, you will have to see what there is in your area but usually the group can help you come out. Are you a student?
Hello and Welcome to EC!! You don't have to be out to got to a LGBT gruup meeting. There are usually a ton of straight allies that go to the meetings as well.
Yes, I am a student. I don't mean to ramble, but how do I approach LGBT meetings? I'm quite uncomfortable about my sexuality and I'm not sure I can admit it face to face. ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2012 at 12:30 AM ---------- Love your funky cat by the way!
Thanks! I guess that the best way to put it is approach it like any other meeting that you go to.Just think of it as going to a meeting that you normally go to. If somebody asks if you're gay (which does not happen in my LGBT group), you can tell them that you are straight or not sure yet.
You're welcome! I don't go to any meetings so I have no idea what to expect or act I'm sorry to ask what's pangender by the way? I don't really know the lingo.
Hey if your a student the your school/college/Uni probably has an LGBT group, usually you can find out the contact details of the students that run the groups, my suggestion would be to talk to the people that run it and explain where your at, often they will meet up with you, just them and you so that its not obvious and then you can work from there and then eventually they help you get to the meetings and introduce you to people there.
