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Girl crush in sports team

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by emilysinclair, Sep 25, 2012.

  1. emilysinclair

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    Hey there,

    I’m new here so be nice… :wink:

    So, there’s that girl… but first of all something about me. I’m 23 years old, female and bisexual but I’ve only been in relationships with girls so far. People wouldn’t even consider me bisexual and if they find out they’re always like “I didn’t expect this.” I mention this ‘cause I think it’s important.
    Anyhow.

    So, I’m a goalkeeper in a female handball team and I do get along very well with my team mates. Although It’s kind of difficult for me if it comes to new members. I’m not very extroverted, you also could say I’m not good in making new acquaintances (I’m a diagnosed Asperger if someone’s familiar with that, if not just forget about it).
    We recently got two new additions to our team and ‘cause I’m naturally skeptical about new people I first didn’t like them or rather didn’t try to make any contact. Some of the girls had known these two new girls before ‘cause they went to the same school. So it was very easy for them being accepted and liked. I always felt kind of jealous of them ‘cause they were able to fit in in such a short time. So I didn’t like them even less. The icing on the cake was that both of them are great in scoring goals so I got even madder.
    The one girl, let’s call her Maria I did not care about very much, but the other one, Emma, drove me insane just by scoring and scoring again. I didn’t show it, I just felt it and I never even looked at her let alone talked to her. So from the beginning there was that – let’s call it force.
    At some point both of us suddenly started flashing glances towards each other. First there were short and small ones without any approach of a smile. It seemed like both of us were trying to find some silent agreement from the other to get in touch with each other.
    And then one day in training one of the long-established girls touched my hair ‘cause it was so soft. Emma suddenly touched it also and I giggled ‘cause I’m very sensitive if it comes to my head. She laughed, told me: “How cute is that?” and stopped. I could not understand how some stranger could just touch my hair and call me cute. I mean, that were like the first words we’ve ever exchanged by that time.
    The weekend after training we went to a training camp and in a training session there were these glances again. After we’d finished the session some of us were talking about to have a sauna and one of the girls (she’s always very flirty and dorky) said to another: “You know what? I’m going to undress you so I’d be easier.” then suddenly Emma turned to me, put her arm around my waist and said the same to me. And I was just like: “Yeah, great. Let’s do this.” At that time I wasn’t interested in Emma at all, I was just confused – she was new to the team, she especially was unfamiliar with me and still had the guts to talk to me like that? I mean, I do know that this kind of flirting is common among team mates and it’s just for fun – but I always thought you need to be familiar and friends with the people you do it unless you’re really flirting with them. But what would I know? Anyway, we didnÄt have a sauna but decided to play some board games with another team member. It really was funny, but I also got the information that she had a boyfriend – they’d just gotten together by that time.
    So I decided to do nothing about this whole situation, maybe I just saw things when there were no in reality – especially ‘cause she had a boyfriend!

    After training camp in another training session my trainer told me to collect money for some kind of charity thing – with Emma. All of this would take place in early 2013. Emma really got excited about that and then said with a wide grin: “You know I can be very exhausting.”, I was just like: “Yeah, tell me about it. You are when you’re scoring goals.”, I also said it with a grin. And from that moment on I kind of fall for her…
    The problem is that most of the time we don’t interact like we do with the others. Most of the time it’s just these glances and then at some point one of us just waits for an opportunity to talk. But if we talk it’s always kind of flirty in a funny way. We don’t talk about the normal stuff, we just use the opportunity to say something ambiguous. As I said before: I know girls are sometimes like that ‘cause they think it’s funny, so I don’t know.

    Last week we had our first game of handball of the season. On the one hand I’m a very good goalkeeper, on the other hand I always get frustrated if I don’t achieve my aims (like don’t get your opponents to score too many goals etc.). So when we had the first time-out she came to me and gave me a hug, then said: “Calm down. You’re good. Don’t beat yourself up, you can do this!”. In the half-time she did it again. I know it doesn’t mean she’s into me, I’m just confused about it ‘cause we never interact that much and she still did it, you know what I mean? Aren’t there some boundaries you only overstep if you’ve known someone for a while? Or is she just touchy-feely in general?

    The problem is that it always takes time till we get in touch again. It’s like we always need to rebuild this connection. Maybe it’s ‘cause of our difference in age, she’s 17, I’m 23 and no, I’m no pedophile. In the beginning I thought she was 20 years old, I found out her age later.
    For me it really is a problem. How would someone with the age of 23 want to get in touch with some 17 year old “girl”? Wouldn’t that look weird? And the other way round it’s just the same. Are we afraid to get in touch ‘cause of our age? And I’m not speaking about “getting in touch” in “having a relationship”. I mean in general. It’s really, really confusing for me.

    Last Friday we got an invitation for our trainer’s birthday. Emma and I should meet before ‘cause some other team member would meet us at the train station with her car to get to where the party was taking place. When we met she hugged me and said: “You look nice!”, the only thing I could answer was: “Well thanks, you, too!”.
    At the party we were joking around with some team mates when someone started a conversation about stripping and that we should do it for some soccer player down the soccer field nearby the party. Someone told me: “If you start, I’ll follow you and do it, too.”, Emma laughed, looked at me and then said: “Well, aren’t the hottest supposed to be the last ones?”
    Later she had to take her bag out of some team members car ‘cause that member was leaving the party. So she asked for someone to accompany her so that she didn’t need to walk all alone in the dark. Of course I was the one. So when we went back to the party she asked me: “Well, tell me something interesting about you. We haven’t known us for a long time, you know…”, me: “Nah, there’s nothing special or interesting about my life.”, she: “Come on, that’s not true…”, me: “Well, I’m studying social works, I love playing handball as you’ve already know…”, she: “And what’s about your love life? You’re single and happy, right?” Great, talking about your love life – with your crush. Very funny. I told her I didn’t like relationships ‘cause I didn’t like clingy people. She told me she didn’t like clingy people, either.

    Later that evening we were kind of drunk and sat next to each other. At some point I wanted to stand up but somehow nearly fall down ‘cause of the alcohol. From that moment on she always held my side when I somehow wanted to move – but not just that, she also placed her hand on my back and stroke it gently – more than just a minute. Most of the time I was just like: “WTF?!”
    When she went to the toilet some other team member took her seat. So when she came back there only was that one seat left over the way of mine. She smiled and said: “Well, a pity we can’t sit next to each other, right?”. Later we somehow managed to sit together on one chair. And then it really got weird. Our heads were apart like 15cm, so very close. I couldn’t watch her in the eye (I’m not good in that in general) so I just looked straight forward. And while that happened she always looked at me. You know these glances from the side when they think you can’t see them? This happened lots of times.

    When we left the party I was so drunk I couldn’t even say goodbye to her so I felt really embarrassed today in training. I could not look at her at all. She often tried to catch my eye and somehow she managed to make me look at her. She just wanted some kind of reaction so I smiled back. But after that I did not look at her again. At the end of our training she asked me if I had to throw up the other night and told me she knew that I was really drunk. Then she laughed – but not in a mean way.

    So, I just don’t know what to make out of all of this. It’s so strange, especially ‘cause in training we are like strangers barely talking to each other but outside of it we act like best friend or a couple ‘cause we’re always following each other around at this party. I really don’t know what’s going on. She doesn’t know I’m bisexual and I don’t know if she’s into women. I only know about her boyfriend. But then again she’s 17, she’s in puberty which could mean anything. Maybe she’s crushing on me and just doesn’t want it to be true, maybe she’s crushing and doesn’t even recognize it. She has a boyfriend after al l and for people in puberty it’s always a better “choice” to be “normal” (like they had one…). Or she’s not crushing at all and is just nice to me ‘cause she likes me. But she always takes every opportunity to say something flirty, even if it’s meant to be funny, is this just normal? Do people really do that without having something specific on their mind?

    I don’t like such situations. I want it to go away. And I want it to be solved. But I just don’t know what to do. I can’t go to her and talk to her. This could be very problematic ‘cause we’re in one team and she could be uncomfortable with it and the whole team would know about that.

    What do you think?
     
  2. silverhalo

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    I think there is a good chance she might like you. If she asks you about your love life again tell her you are bisexual and then at least she knows.
     
  3. csocm

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    That's a good idea to come out to her when given the chance. She may do the same. I sorta went through something similar last year, I had a crush on one of my softball team mates who was thirteen. But I didn't fully realize it until the season was ending and I havent seen her since then.
     
  4. emilysinclair

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    So you think she really might be flirting with me?
    The problem I see is her boyfriend but then again - she's 17. She still could be bi or even lesbian. The other problem ist due to the fact she's young she might not want to come out.

    I just don't understand her behaviour.

    Oh and another thing to mention: yesterday I went to my sister's house 'cause we were getting ready for some party. As I went to her house I had to cross the train station. Guess who was sitting there? I didn't know what to do 'cause my mind was like: "Shit, you're damn ugly right now. Like... no make up at all, looking dishelved... great." So I randomly waved at her without even smiling. I was so not prepared for that. Both of us were very irritated. Of course I had'nt had the guts to walk to her and say something nice. Stupid me.

    I'll see her later that day in training. I'm looking forward to it... very much. Great thing is we're going to see each other in the near future very often 'cause there are some handball matches. So, yeah, I might come back and tell you more. :slight_smile:
     
  5. silverhalo

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    Keep us informed. There is no guarentee that if you come out to her she will do the same, even if she is attracted to you, but it is about the best you can do, if you give her every oportunity then if she is going to she will. In the meantime just enjoy your time with her and try and challenge yourself to be more proactive in talking to her.
     
  6. emilysinclair

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    Okay, here we go, some updates:

    last week in training after the day we accidentally met I was unable to look at her. I don't know why, it's not that I'm doing this on purpose. I just couldn't, it felt too close. And it's always like that 'cause I tend to keep things seperated, you know. Like training from private life. I think she really got confused by that and sometimes she looked at me like she tried to force me to look back. I couldn't. She seemed very confused about that and somehow a bit angry.
    Later the girls had to counter attack and Emma shot me in the face - not on purpose. It wasn't that bad actually and I even laughed at one point but she still ran to me and wanted to hug me. I was just like: "Nah, I'm fine!" and laughed even more and she replied with a smile: "Okay, great!"

    You know what's weird? I can talk to her if there's some distance between us. Then it's fine. So I talked to her when she was nearly tripping over a ball and said: "Be cautious. You don't wanna trip over the ball.", she seemed relieved about the fact that I had finnaly talken to her and giggled shyly.

    So far, not very conclusive BUT the best is to come.

    Saturday we had a practice play, when something very confusing happened: the goalkeeper's tricots are kind of see-throughish, so you can see the shapes/circles of the bra you're wearing. I wasn't aware of that so I went to the other goalkeeper and told her. Suddenly Emma appeared and said: "Yeah, emilysinclair's right.", then she turned to me and said: "But I also can see these circles on you.". In my head I was like: "Okay, fine. Whatever. Embarrasing." and just hoped she'd move on - but she didn't. Instead she put her finger on these circles and well... circled the circles... Basically, she was touching my breasts.
    And at that point I had already got that feeling that she's indeed kinda into me but doesn't know or doesn't want to know at least. It would be too obvious if she'd be really aware of her affection for me, you know what I mean? Nobody would ever be so offensive in flirting (except men). It would be just rude and blunt.

    Oh, and another thing that made me realize that there must be some affection towards me after all: we do a battle call where we put our hands in the middle of us and then lie them on someone's other hand. We did that or at least we tried to. Emma and I were too fast so we were the only ones with their hands in the middle whilst the others were busy with tieing their shoes. So Emma's hand on my hand, great. I thought she would move her hand away ('cause we still had to wait for the others) but she didn't, so we stayed like that for I don't know how long.

    Honestly, wtf is wrong with her?