Hello, gang Well, to make a long story kinda short, I've been really questioning my sexuality for over a year now, if not longer. I didn't really recognize all the little clues that might mean something, but now my increasing thoughts about women has forced me to face a few things that I didn't think about before. For ex., I've always been nervous around men when I see them staring at me/hitting on me, and not the 'good' kind of nervous. I used to get off a lot more to 'straight' porn, but nowadays, it's becoming harder and harder (no pun intended) to do so. The fact that I'm 21 and haven't felt the urge to get into a relationship with a man. And now even if I do see an attractive man, I don't usually linger on it... and I usually spend the rest of the day thinking about women and how much I wish I could be with one. It's been confusing, but I think I'm starting to feel okay about liking girls. Sometimes I say it to myself, and it feels kind of nice, like I can finally say something right about my sexuality. And while I'm still figuring things out, I know I can't ignore that I think a lot about being affectionate with women (romantically and definitely sexually :icon_redf :icon_redf), and that has to mean something, right? One of the obstacles I keep running into though... is my mom. Her and I are really close, and she's the type where we can talk honestly about our problems with each other. But what makes me hesitate about telling her that I'm questioning is the fact that one, she's very Christian and comes from a very religious family in the deep South on both sides. And two, we're African American. I feel I shouldn't have to really explain why those two things make it a lot harder for me to talk with my mom - or any family member - about me questioning, even if she is an understanding person. I mean, my brother is 26 years old and I've always secretly thought he might be gay (which I have some proof of), but he's never ever brought it up to us. I'm 21 now and I don't want to be like that... What I want to ask is, how did some of you come out to your really religious parents/family members? And what do you think is the best way to bring up the topic? Should I just wait until I'm actually with someone and then tell her? I don't know what to do and I hate hiding this stuff from her everytime she asks if I'm interested in any new guys...
Honestly, I haven't come out yet to my parents. I don't plan to tell her until I graduate from high school. But, I think having a girlfriend with you will make it easier because she can be supportive. That's my vague plan anyway.
I came out to my parents in a letter. And as time progressed and I came out to more people (friends) it became easier. I can now come out to people face to face like it's no big deal. Just kinda work it into conversation. Anyway, I'm yet to come out to extended family, but I also changed my "interested in" on FaceBook to men and women (I'm bisexual) so all the people I have as friends on there know. Which includes some of the extended family. Not sure if they paid attention to it though but that's ok. I somehow feel like my parents don't take me seriously and the only way for them to do so is for me to bring a girl home. I've gotten the whole "It goes against our religion" speech and the most hurtful thing my mom told me was, "I brought a daughter into this world, not a son" But that's allright, it will take time for them to come to terms with it I've known since a very young age already, had my first girlfriend at age 15/16 (secretly, of course). Whatever you choose to do, I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you
Not saying its a definite, but she might surprise you. When I was younger my mother said something that stuck with me. It was back when Ellen came out on her sitcom, before she had the talk show. We were standing in the kitchen and she mentioned how she thought it was wrong, not right, and I think hell came into it as well. This traumatized me for quite some time as I was already questioning. Years later, when I was ready to come out, that conversation was the only thing I could think about. When I finally told her I was gay, before I settled comfortably on Bi, she was completely understanding and supportive from the start. It was like that earlier conversation had never happened. Sometimes attitudes on abstract concepts change when it applies to someone close. However it goes for you, I wish you the best.
