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Open Marriage

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Clown, Sep 26, 2012.

  1. Clown

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    Any experiences, views, etc. please.
    Me and my wife are considering it because of my bi-curious side but I don't our relationship to fall apart.
     
  2. Jim1454

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    Well... nothing is black and white. So this can work for some people.

    It generally requires absolute honesty and transparency between the couple. There should be some ground rules established, and those rules should be revisited all the time to make absolutely sure that both of you are still comfortable with them. Is this going to be a two way street? Or is it just you who will be involved with other people? That kind of imbalance won't likely work.

    If you're wife is planning to participate, that's a different story. I wouldn't consider that to be 'open' as much as it is 'adventursome' - with the two of you doing something 'unconventional' together. That to me would seem more likely to work, as long as she was into that kind of thing and could be as enthused about it as you are.

    Are you really 18 and married? You're very young, and I'd worry that your relationship isn't solid enough or mature enough for it to withstand an 'open' arrangement.
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! To echo Jim's comments, open marriages and relationships require a lot of trust and honesty.

    I'm part of a LGBT social/discussion group and we had a discussion on open relationships. One of the people attending, is in an open relationship and she talked about the level of trust she needs to have and also about the need to essentially debrief with all the people involved. While everybody involved still have their own 'deeper friendships,' there can not be any secrets or hiding of anything that is going on in any of the relationships that have been established. As Jim mentioned, ground rules and from what I have learned "strict ground rules and boundaries" should be clearly defined and established.

    It definitely isn't for everybody, and if your wife is not participating that could create some stresses on your relationship with her, unless you find a way to make it work. As hard we try not to be suspicious and worried, a part of us will always be worried and wondering what's going on - if one is not directly involved or has all of the 'required' information.

    One question for you to consider carefully is as to whether your marriage can withstand an open relationship, or will it become a victim of it?
     
  4. Zontar

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    You want an open marriage that's guaranteed to work? Treat exterior partners as something to enrich the sex life you two share. Participate jointly in everyone who comes home. In this respect, I can only see it strengthening your relationship. Sure would for me, anyway.

    Should it be one sided though? With him alone enjoying private time without you? That's a bit more iffy.
     
  5. Aielar

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    For an open relationship to work the three most important things are trust, communication, and clear ground rules for what's okay and what's not okay. I'd also suggest working out any underlying problems (if there is any) before opening the relationship. A good book to read, which does have some useful tips for open relationships even though the book is about threesomes, is The Threesome Handbook: A Practical Guide to Sleeping with Three by Victoria Vantoch. There's probably other books closer to your situation (books on polyamory, etc) that will be just as, if not more, helpful in your situation. Hope this helps.
     
  6. PurpleCrab

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    What everybody above me said about clear rules that are agreed on by both parties and that everybody is happy with the outcome. I also like Zontar's insight about having the other people to enrich your sex-life; that way, it serves both of you.

    It works very well for me and my wife so I speak from experience! It's not because we're both bisexual but because I'm driven to have sex with more than one person, plus, we believe into being married not to restrict each other but just to evolve along each other and love each other. That means freedom; that freedom can be only there with 100% trust, 100% honesty, and 100% knowing that at the end, me and her are the couple, not the others. We are everything that ranges from friends, dating, to married soul-mates and we know that no third party has anything close to the power of disturbing our link.
    Third parties are there to amuse us, entertain us, and diversify our sex life.

    Our rules about the open marriage:
    -we will always take our shower together and sleep in the same bed, me and my wife. That matters a lot to us.
    -either of us can stop this at any time; just one word and it's done. No need for explanations. If either of us becomes uncomfortable with our marriage being open, it won't be open anymore and that's it.
    -Always we use protection with a third party.
    -Always we will tell what happened, what when and where is supposed to happen, and we're going to enjoy sharing that.
    -Our family comes first. If one of us want to go have sex with a third party, a proposal for a date together always wins over sex with somebody else.
    -Both of us needs to like the third party.

    Well that's it. There's been a few someones that passed through our lives since we've been married but none who lasted very long. Always was fun though. If you think it's for both of you, and that you have what it takes, I recommend it.