well, tomorrow, i'm going to talk to my mom about it and my nerves are getting really shot. :eusa_doh: everything is just running across my mind right now. for some reason, the thing that bothers me about this is that when i come out, i'm going to have to start "acting on" who i am where i have to start dating and all of that stuff. it's like all of this is leading me to basically flesh out the thoughts and feelings that i had hidden where as soon as i come out, i'll have people expecting me to start living like i'm out. i just want to be seen as the same guy as i was prior to but people act like gay is a big deal. i'm afraid that my mom (if she takes it well, there's the possibility that she might reject me) that she'll start treating me differently altogether like she might treat me like one of her lady friends or something. you know, there's times when she'll point out some guy she thinks is handsome on the tv and ask me about it. of course at the moment, i didn't feel comfortable to answer her since i don't want to hint to her that i'm gay or even flowed in that direction. there's also times where she'll ask me about how she looks in such and such clothes when she tries them on for somewhere she has to go like a job interview or somewhere because i guess she probably thinks i'm gay. i just want to be me without having to be stereotyped or pushed into doing something that i don't want to do because people know that i'm gay.
Well, you're in a very non-judgmental and understanding place here. Coming out doesn't necessarily mean you have to immediately go out and date a guy. Take your time. Wait for the right guy-- maybe not "the one" necessarily, but someone cool and fun that you like spending time with, whom you trust and care about-- before you get into a relationship. Trust me. There's no rush to date somebody. Your mom might treat you differently at first, but I think eventually she will come around and realize you're the same son she raised and has known all your life, and that nothing changed about you when you came out to her-- that you've always been this way, and her knowing about it doesn't make you any more or less gay. Also, "living like you're out"-- this goes along with the dating thing. Just because you come out doesn't mean you have to bedazzle your wardrobe, start giving out fashion advice, speak with a lisp, say "fabulous" every other word, or get a big fat rainbow tattooed on your forehead. Being gay doesn't mean being necessarily the flamboyant, stereotypical, media portrayal of gay men. I know some gay guys that are like that, sure. But one of my best friends-- his name is Blake-- is gay as the day is long, and he's a mechanic!! I'm a lesbian, but I don't look like a motorcycle chick. I look like any other college student. I'm also German-- and a vegetarian! No sausage for me. I'm a college student-- and a morning person! There are a lot of things about me that you wouldn't guess, because I'm not defined by stereotypes. You don't have to follow stereotypes. You don't have to go out and date/hook up with/elope with the next gay guy you see. You don't have to be anything but who you are. Coming out doesn't compel you to act like a stereotypical gay person. It just means you get to be more open about who you REALLY are inside.
I think it's cool giving your Mom advice about how she looks. Although, I know that some people think that gay men are stereotypical fashionable. And many are and there's nothing wrong with that, I could use a few fashion tips And once you come out, you'll be able to openly agree on how hot that guy is on TV. I can be kind of inappropriate whenever my brother and I talk about girls, but it's awesome! Finally, someone I can be myself around. Seriously, I do not think that you should let that stop you from coming out to her. People are going to think what they want and believe what they feel. You cannot change that, so would you want to delay coming out only to avoid that. And you don't have to start dating until you are ready to dating. Although, once you come out, you're going to want to meet people like yourself. That's what I did/am doing and it feels awesome! You should not feel pressured to fit into some box--you're in control of your life and you can pace yourself, there's no need to rush things. Now, back to stereotypes--they are just that, preconceived notions about someone; we're all entitled to have freedom of expression. Do you know how many people give me grief about having pink hair? It's my favorite color, most of the clothes that I own are also pink. All you can be is yourself and by doing that, you're being real. I hope things go great with your Mom, keep me updated
she just woke up and is in her room right now. my brother left the house. do i do it now???? she's still in bed sleeping about to take a shower. she's going to go to work too. i'm thinking if whether i should say it tonight or just wait the weekend or another time.
dude, i am panicking, man. :bang: :***: just waiting to see what the next move from my mom will be. she went downstairs to the basement. my guess is to get her work clothes.
she's out the bathroom. i'm talking to her right now from my room while she's in her room. any moment now.
told my mom just now and she didn't take it well. :icon_sad: i just went to her room while she was there ironing her clothes and i was just sitting on her bed. it was just one of those surreal experiences where i just got so scared and nervous i lost touch with reality for a second. she turned on the tv and we were watching and talking about what was on for a second and then i told her. :icon_sad: she said that she was expecting me to "drop a bombshell" on her but she wasn't expecting this. :tears: to make matters worse, she just sounded disappointed and just didn't believe that i was gay. she didn't think that was me. she just asked me how did i know i was gay and what i did to find out and all of this. then she talked to me about how i wasn't handling my responsibilities and etc with work, how i quit my job and stayed home for the past 2 months and etc. she told me that i had better prepare for the lifestyle that i was living and she was disappointed that she wasn't going to have grandkids. she just sounded like she was in disbelief. she said that she didn't like it but she can't do anything but accept it. i don't know if she was in denial the whole time but she told me that she never ever expected this. she just got silent for a second, sit in a chair while i looked at her with rubbing my face with my hands, all crutched out with my legs folded on the bed looking for some sign of approval or at least support. i kept saying "are you okay?" and asking other questions and then she gave me a hug and i left her room. here i am back now writing this. i'm in total shock right now. i can't believe i did it but at the same time, i don't feel happy at all. i'm upset. i'm trying to chill out right now because i feel that relationship between my mom and me has changed forever and things are now heading for the worst. i knew this was going to happen.
First things first, well done on coming out to your mom. Try to relax, remember you have had a long time to get used being gay, whereas it has probably come as a bit of a shock to her and she does not know how to deal with it. Take the positives of the situation. She didn't kick you out, she gave you a hug, she still loves you. Give her time.
yeah, the thing is... she didn't take it too well but i don't think other people might though. my father won't. my brother will have a fit. my friends might no longer or will cut off contact away from me. my extended family is going to have a huge problem. my mom let me know that my aunt is going to be furious. :tears: my aunt always has an issue with everything though. another thing she said was how i should keep it to myself. she said that there's many gay people outthere that don't let the whole world know. she kept on saying how i should prepare for the backlash that is coming. i felt much better prior to telling her than i do now.
Well from what you have said it sounds as though her main issue is what other people will think. That is something she will get over in time. What she said to you was her reaction to something that she doesn't know how to deal with, and once she has had time to think it over things will improve. Try not to worry about the rest of your family at this stage, just take one step at a time.
It's going to be OK (*hug*) First: If your friends stop being there for you because of this then they weren't really your friends to begin with. Friends are there for you through thick and thin and you will know who they are when this comes out. Second: It's a well known fact that some parents, grandparents, and family members: hate, despise, dislike, are uncomfortable, etc.. with the fact that you are who you are. Now this could be that they: don't understand, there religious beliefs, secretly questioning themselves, were rasied that way, etc... Whatever the reason is just know that someone somewhere cares about you and understands what you are going through. Heck look at this site:icon_bigg We have all been in this place or went through the same things. We understand what it is like and we will all support you(&&&) Don't cry over spilt milk, embrace what you are:icon_wink If everyone knows, then everyone knows. It's bad that it had to come out like it did, but you know what? You will have support and people who care Don't be to put down about this, it took a lot of courage to do what you did and I am proud and happy for you:icon_bigg Whatever happens, just know that you have friends here(&&&)
You're so brave for coming out to your mum! Its such a shame she didn't take it too well but at least she wasn't angry or anything. It could have been worse. I think she is just in shock and needs time to process it all. Try not to worry about it. Things will get better in time. (*hug*)
Congratulations on coming out, even if it didn't go as well as one might have hoped. At least it is done and over with now. However, even though it didn't go fantastically, I think you still have reason to celebrate. Considering she did not expect this news at all, and you probably caught her completely off-guard, it could have been much worse. Based on what you told us, she seems more worried than angry. And her disappointment about the grandchildren and stuff will probably seem less significant once she has a little time to let things sink in. Show her you are the same person you were before, and she'll be just as happy to have you as her son as she was before. This was a huge step for you. Take as much time as you need to regain your bearings.
Congratulations on coming out. That was one of the bravest things you could do in your life. It shows the strength inside of you. Time is what is needed now. Remember we and the EC are here for you if you need us.
When I came out to my dad, he implied that I really shouldn't tell others about it. I think a part of that thinking stems from them worrying about how others will look at you. Don't be too offended about it cause in a a sense, it seems like she's just worried about how others will treat you. Anyway, I felt down initiallly, too. It comes from a fear that she may begin to treat you differently, but she just needs time to accept it. I can tell that your mom loves you, man, and what you did took an incredible amount of strength. When I finally do tell my mom, I'm expecting a similar reaction as well. Hang in there, dude. Everything is going to be fine... (*hug*)
