Over the past couple of days, my feelings towards my girlfriend have started to change or at least I feel like they are. Last week, I felt madly in love with her but this week I don't feel that spark and I'm really not sure what happened. It took a while to figure out our feelings for each other and to actually get together. Now that I have her, I feel like I'm unsure about us. I have been thinking about the long term future with her and what a life together would be like. I'm wondering if I'm suffering from cold feet? I'm really scared because my feelings for her shouldn't just all of a sudden feel like they're disappearing. Please tell me that this is just something that I need to work through and that I'm not falling out of love with her because she's everything to me.
Hi there! Maybe there is bit of 'cold feet' and maybe there is also a bit of "now that we are together, I start seeing and learning more of you," to which you might need to adjust some of your own expectations and feelings. In some ways, you might be going through bit of a 'reality check' which isn't bad, and could actually help you to understand your relationship better. The feelings of being infatuated with someone might slowly disappear because you fulfill that craving of wanting to be together. Now that this is fulfilled, you are staring to get to know her at a different level and in a different way, and of course a part of you starts thinking about the future. I would suggest that you take your relationship a day at a time. Try not to look too far into the future; instead try to enjoy the moments, and see where they take you. If after a few weeks of being with her and having gotten to know a few other things about her, and you still have a 'deflated' feeling, then you might want to look deeper into, as to why that is.
Thank you Mirko, this has really helped calm me down. I've been in crisis mode for most of the day so far. Everything that I know and love about her is exactly what I'm looking for which makes me think that it's more to do with my own issues surrounding relationships than her. I think being with her has made me realize that I have a lot to work through.
Glad to hear it has helped you to be a bit more at ease. Knowing that, there might be a part of you that is afraid that it might not work out. But it is a bit too early for that worry. As you know, a relationship requires work, and a certain amount of give and take. Working on a relationship never ends. Listening to and communicating with her about your relationship, is half the battle. If being with your girlfriend has made you realize that there some issues that you need to work on, to perhaps feel securer or understand relationships in general better, that is already good because now you have something that you can start working on and be mindful of as your relationship evolves with her.
I think what you're experiencing is totally normal, we always want what we cannot have. And sometimes, we have what we do not want--I hope that makes sense. I'm not saying that you do not want her anymore, but now, that you have what you want you do not have to ”chase” after her. I think the thrill of a challenge is what makes things exciting for us as we seek out potential partners. I used to feel so lonely because I didn't have anyone special in my life, but I do now, and I kind of feel like I'm taking things for granted. What type of issues have you started to notice since you've been together? I'm here to listen--well read
Thanks pinklov3ly! Here's the thing, we don't have any issues. When we are together we have a great time. She listens and is supportive and I do the same for her. Things are great. I am starting to realize after reflecting for most of the day that I needed to think through my issues before actually opening my mouth. Fortunately, she's very understanding and is able to see that I'm struggling through some things right now. It's a complete role reversal because I'm usually the rock in the relationship that keeps us grounded whereas now she's in that role while I'm figuring my stuff out. I think a lot of what I'm struggling with right now has to do with the fact that I'm still closeted when it comes to my family and I'm worried what their reaction might be when I finally do tell them that she's not just my best friend but also my girlfriend.
I think its a really important part of a relationship that you can both be supported and supportive, you never know what life will throw at a relationship so you have to be ready. Im sure you will work through it in no time. If you ever think you need to open your mouth but you are not sure you can always come here to EC and make a thread or post on someones wall, get some other perspectives on things.
Well if you ever want to chat, I cant promise to have miricle answers but you can always post on my wall.
