Last night I went to my first Ladies' night at a club... What more can I want? Lesbians/bisexuals everywhere. Yet I just couldn't chat someone up. I don't know how. And the few occasions I tried to talk to someone, they literally walked away from me! I felt like crying. Like some revolting piece of junk. I have major self confidence issues and very low self esteem, and just don't know how to start a conversation or keep it going. Screwed from the get-go :bang: The friend I went with (straight male) actually questioned whether I'm really bisexual because I was just keeping to one side. I don't do public dancing, I just can't bring myself to. I don't like the noise and having to shout to try and have a conversation with someone. I just feel like such a failure.
Clubs can be a drag, and I often hate them. It might be a bit of your attitude, but sounds like mostly the wrong venue. Don't give up just yet.
I agree. Clubs have never really been my thing. Sometimes its just being in a large group of people I don't know that makes me a little uncomfortable. A lot of people who go to the clubs are outgoing and self assured to begin with, and that's what they tend to look for. If you don't give off that vibe, they look for someone who does. It doesn't mean you're revolting, as you put it. Might just mean its not your scene. Just keep working at it. You'll find something that works. Good luck!
I love going to clubs, I enjoy dancing, the music, drinking and the overall atmosphere is great. However, I didn't used to always feel like this, but it took a lot of courage for me to step out of my shell. I've gained so much courage that I can even do karaoke, but only after a few shots My secret weapon is xanax, which I've been prescribed since I was 18. It's help me become the person that I've always wanted to be. Although, I'll admit that I hate relying on medication, but at the moment, it works best for me. I'm more confident and I'm able to approach people without thinking twice about it. And if I get rejected, it does not bother me one bit; I've learned not to care about certain things. But I know that everyone reacts to medication differently, so perhaps you should talk to your doctor about it
That sounds pretty much exactly like my first time in a gay club. Gay people everywhere, but I kept talking only to my friends (one gay guy, one straight girl), and otherwise kept standing with my back against the wall, without interacting with anyone or dancing. ...and there's nothing really wrong with that. Maybe your straight friend believed you'd suddenly turn into the stereotype of the gay social butterfly, but he was mistaken there: it is indeed an intimidating experience. Don't see it as a failure, though. See it as a scouting expedition! You now know there are, indeed, lots of lesbians/bisexuals around. Also, you know at least one place where they gather. Social skills are not intuitive for some (I had a hard time learning them myself), but practice makes perfect. If the girls you talked to walked away, then the trick is to keep going and talk to others. Odds are even that they, just like you, were nervous and didn't know how to act, rather than intending any judgement of you by running away. Next time, maybe focus on a few others standing on the side, or at the bar. Always remember that you never met these people before, and that you'll never see most of them again anyway. So there's no need to be self-conscious (you might not fully believe that now, but it helps to repeat that to yourself). And yeah, this might not have been the place for you. Don't let that dissuade you from trying other places. See this as a learning experience, and something that's a first step on the way to bigger and better things!
Clubs tend to be a place where people just want to get laid, not have stimulating conversations. Don't beat yourself up over this the situation was no winner. You can't be made you couldn't hold back the tides.
i'm not a fan of clubs either, i'm getting really sick of them its just not my style, i like to talk to people properly besides i tend to do things i regret in clubs but whats the real alternative? its so hard to meet people
I have to agree with everyone else. I don't even do the club scene anymore because it's all so shallow and fake. The first time I went to a gay club I was 18 and just starting college. Every single guy I tried to talk to totally brushed me off and walked away. One guy I tried to dance with actually shoved me away from him. You want to know what the clubs are about? A bunch of shallow, fake, immature people who want anonymous sex. Don't make it a part of you social structure.
Thank you for all the comforting replies. It made me feel a whole lot better. I've been going through a lot of self-searching again and had a casual hook-up with said male friend, and just couldn't get off on it. And come to think of it, most of my heterosexual relationships were like that. The sex was bad, which ended up staining the rest of the relationship too. Maybe I actually am a lesbian. I've tried the "normal" thing and it just doesn't work for me. Can it be? Or is it just another crazy phase? I've come out to quite a few people so far as bi, but I'd leave it for now, until I get a girlfriend. And they'll put two and two together soon enough and realize that I'm probably not going to be with a man again... To get back to the clubbing fiasco... I just felt really rejected, but clubs aren't really my scene. Never felt comfortable in one, and probably never will. But if that's the only way to meet like-minded people, what can I do? I don't know of any LGBT groups in my area. I re-registered on a dating site so we'll see what pops up there, for what it's worth
