Well, I'm a bi male. I recently came out to my roommate after a whole year after he came out to me about being bi. We're both closeted bisexuals and I'm glad we are even closer now. Anyway, this is not what you're here for. This is my issue. For a while now I've liked my straight friend J (I'm not gonna give his name). He stayed on the floor above me at my dorm this previous school year at my college. I really didn't know him for a while because I just saw him around from time to time throughout the first semester. So around Christmas/winter break, he messaged me on FB telling me about some fight he had been in with some kid he knew from his old high school. We messaged each other for like almost 3 hours on and off just talking about the fight and about random stuff. When January hit, he finally gave me his number, which I was waiting for and plus I was really sick of messaging him on FB haha! We still texted a good amount of times from then too. School finally started back for the first semester and my birthday was coming up. He and I and some other friends went to a bar for my birthday and we had fun. I was drunk and my head was saying "dude do you know how much I like you? you're so cute! you're buff! you're just everything I want and more" and all that jazz. I held my temptation back. As the semester progressed, we kinda hung out a little. Got drunk and went to the bars. One time I went into his room and we were getting ready to go to the bar and so he put this shirt on and I was like "yeah that looks good but it's kinda tight." So he saw that too and took off his shirt and I saw those abs and I near fainted. I had to control myself from looking too long haha! Anyway, throughout the semester, if I saw him around campus or if he saw me, he would always have this huge smile (it was so cute) whenever he saw me and I would have that same smile too. I thought about him from time to time. I was like damn, I really like him. I would NEVER let him know that though because I am a closeted bisexual and all. School ended and we still texted from time to time to see what each other's summer was like. In the beginning of June, he invited me and some other friends from school down to his place in Florida in July. I was all for coming. He was really excited for us to come. In my head, I'm saying "i'm sure you're just pretty excited for me to come" haha! Unfortunately, we decided to wait until another time to go. He was like awww i see how it is.. no one wants to come down here.. I told him it's not like that haha! I really do wanna come down.. He said "why didnt you just come down yourself?" i told him i should have! He keeps begging me to come down.. All he talks about is this girl he really likes at his job or how recently he hooked up with some chick he likes and how their gonna hook up whenever their home.. nothing serious! Yeah i tolerate it because for crying out loud, I'm half straight and I know how to converse in that manner.. I recently had a dream about him too. I don't know how but randomly, we were at my house and so he was there. He took my hand and lead me in the bathroom and closed the door. I was like why is he leading me in here? So he started to do something with the toilet or sink and so I said "I cant take this anymore" and we kissed!!! And passionately!! He said he has been waiting for this but never knew how to do it!! and the dream was over!! Since then, I can't get him or that dream off of my mind.. We are about to return to school in a couple of weeks and I'll get to see him again! I'm happy to see him again but I just cant reveal to him that I'm crushing on him or that i'm bi! not at least until i'm sure and ready he's ready to hear that! after all, we still gotta get some time to know each other.. I just dont know what to do! HELP PLEASE AND THANK YOU!
Reading this is so cute lol. (nice dream there lol) As a college commuter, I wouldn't have the opportunity to roommate with someone possibly hot, let alone seeing one stripping on front of me or I faint lol. as far as what to do, do you have any idea of his sexuality? from his talk about girls, sounds like straight to me(?) I wouldn't be able to tell if he is gay or bi himself. also, as far as school and him goes, your school work might be getting difficult. do you think you have time to think about him and school at the same time? XD and are you two going to roommate again in the coming school year?
When you think it's time to talk to him, I'd suggest using a two-phase approach. First let him know you're bi. Leave it at that for a bit. Depending how things move along you can tell him how you feel about him a bit later. Here's my reasoning why telling him all at once is risky: When you tell someone you "really like them", there's an expected answer whether they feel the same way about you or not. Complicated enough in many cases, but for your crush if he answers that he likes you as well it also kinda forces him to come out to you as bi or gay. If he answers that he likes you "but not that way" he may have been pushed into lying about it because he wasn't ready to come out. Then it gets complicated to admit he lied to you and likes you later. Always remember while you've been thinking about telling him for months or years, he may be totally surprised when you tell him. Good luck and which ever way it works out he sounds like a cool friend if nothing else .
Thanks yall! Great advice! I think that the two-phase approach would work but leading up to that 2nd part will be nerve-wracking. I can do it, but it's gonna take some time! Depending on how he feels after I tell him that I'm bi! I mean our RA was gay and everyone knew and he was ok with it. Sometimes J would give our RA advice after our RA had a tough breakup with his first love! We'll see how it goes but again thanks for the advice ---------- Post added 29th Sep 2012 at 01:15 PM ---------- Well actually he and I were never roommates. We just hung out a lot second semester! and i can balance school and him at the same time haha! but like this year, i live in a different apartment place than him. I would have to drive over to where he is just to see him. He always invites me over so i'm gonna go see him one of these days!
You should go, get to know him better, and then maybe you guys will be so close that you could talk about this stuff with him. He obviously wants to be your friend, so try to accept all of his invitations. This will help because then he will know that you want to be his friend too. I wouldn't rush it though, that could get to uncomfortable between you two. I would take time and get to know him better. Good luck.
