Whenever I so much as think about coming out and telling someone that I’m gay I recoil in terror and immediately set myself to forgetting the notion ever occurred to me. Without fail, even imagining a conversation in which I would come out to my parents, friends or councillor starts panic breathing and leaves me feeling sad and anxious. Yet, for the life of me, I can’t understand why. In spite of all the fear and anxiety, I can’t imagine anyone, who is important to me, being anything but supportive. So, why do I feel totally unable to tell anyone?
I understand how you feel and a few months back I was in the same position. Start small, tell an online friend or tell somebody that you don't even know (somebody that wouldn't be able to out you). I told an online friend first, she was really supportive and it helped me gain the courage to tell other people. I then told a mutual friend who is bisexual and he hasn't said anything to anyone, even though I don't really talk to him anymore. Finally I told a pretty close friend, which wasn't in the best circumstances (drunk :/) and I was crying etc. I'm still working on telling others and I still feel that terror you describe, but we have to take small steps otherwise we won't get anywhere. I wish you the best with your coming out process and make sure to keep me updated!
I too am from the rural Manitoba area and have experienced the same trepidation that you are. My fear was based on the predominently religious aspect of the rural area. Everyone has an opinion about LGBT but the religious get very passionate about their opinion. I think Lewissss is right. Baby steps. The most important step for me was coming out to myself. Once I realized that I am gay and discovered that I love being gay, the rest was a lot easier. It wasn`t easy, just a little easier.
For me I felt like that because once I told someone, it would be "real." It goes from being something inside your head to being a piece of reality. Revealing a piece of yourself that is so personal and has been such a well-kept secret for so long can make anyone feel unbearably vulnerable. So it's no wonder that coming out ain't easy. However, even though it is difficult, it feels so much better to have the real you on the outside, rather than tucked away secretly on the inside.
