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How to accept yourself?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Zeldafan1998, Sep 29, 2012.

  1. Zeldafan1998

    Zeldafan1998 Guest

    Hello, I'm Sydney. I'm a 14 year old girl, looking for some advice on accepting my orientation. I spent the day thinking about my orientation. I'm still not sure if I am a lesbian or not, but I do know that I am not 100% straight. I thought of some women that I am "fond of", and I started fantasizing about meeting one of them. When I thought of...sexual things that included her... Something just...clicked. It felt so right to be thinking of her in that way. I try to fantasize about guys, but it just makes me uncomfortable. The thought of dating or having sex with a guy doesn't feel right. But, I do still find some men "sexy". Anyways, I was once talking about guys with my mom, and I mentioned that I wanted to marry a girl, "just to have her around" (Not really, but I just wanted to see how my mom would respond.) She started laughing, and said "Well, I hope you wouldn't marry a girl!" I didn't really say anything, I just kinda laughed awkwardly and changed the subject. Back to the main topic, can anyone tell me how I can feel a bit more comfortable with my orientation? I like girls, but I feel ashamed, and I think if I ever come out, my family wouldn't really accept me...
     
  2. Wrongdaytodie

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    That's exactly my situation besides I'm bi..
    I also feel really ashamed.. :/

    I have the same problem so I don't really know what to say or feel like I can give you advice, sorry :/
     
  3. Zeldafan1998

    Zeldafan1998 Guest

    It's all right. I'm just happy to know I'm not the only one who feels this way!
     
  4. ameliawesome

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    it's so sad when family members, especially parents, are so closed-minded that they would make someone they're supposed to love feel alienated rather than adjust their own personal worldview. parents (and yes, i'm generalizing here) often map out their childrens' lives based on what they feel would be best. most of the time, it seems, this is a very straight-forward life that involves traditional marriage and grandchildren. and while it is done with good intention, stuff like that can cause huge amounts of stress on a child who knows they simply couldn't fit into that mold.

    my advice is to accept yourself, no matter what. if you feel like you may identify as lesbian, don't worry if you still find men sexy. i can spot a sexy man but i wouldn't be able to sleep with him. i know that i would nevvvverrrrr put up with the stereotypical man stuff that my friends, even my mom, put up with in their relationships. maybe start by considering these questions: what could you gain from feeling ashamed? what could you gain from accepting yourself? would you rather spend your life hiding and pretending to keep your family happy, or would you rather live your own life openly and happily?
     
  5. Zeldafan1998

    Zeldafan1998 Guest

    Thank you for the advice, Amelia. I definitely don't want to live my life hiding who I really am. I think I may be able to come out eventually, but it will probably take a few years of gathering up the courage to do so.
     
  6. ameliawesome

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    honestly, you have plenty of time. i didn't fully accept myself til i was 24 :slight_smile: stay positive and loving, and i wish you good luck with your family!
     
  7. Zeldafan1998

    Zeldafan1998 Guest

    Thank you! :icon_bigg
     
  8. BradThePug

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    For me, it was really a matter of time. I knew that I was not straight in 8th grade. I did not accept it until shortly after I graduated high school. It's also more complicated when you have homophobic family members.

    You've taken a big step by coming here. That means that you know that you are not straight, and you're willing to do something about it (by trying to accept yourself).
     
  9. Zeldafan1998

    Zeldafan1998 Guest

    Thanks for your response, thecat06. It took me some time to gather up the courage to join this site. I'm glad I joined, though. It's comforting to know that there are people that faced similar problems and have gotten through them. :slight_smile:
     
  10. myheartincheck

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    I think at your age nobody really accepts themself because I know I sure didn't. =/ I have good news though! The fact that your mother laughed is actually a GOOD sign. It means that she isn't so repulsed by the thought of you marrying a girl that shes like....

    :dry: *serious and deep voice* "Do we need to send you to bible camp...?"

    I opened up to my parents at 19 going on 20, but they always kinda had a clue since I never seemed interested in guys. Before they "knew" they would tease me. My dad would be asking my sis "Hey you think that guys cute on tv?" and she'd be like "yeah!" Then he'd be like "Hey [insert my name here] do you think that girl on tv is cute?" and my sis would be like "DAD you're guna give her a complex!!!" And my mom was straight out like "I think if I had a gay child I'd be sad for awhile, but I'd learn to accept it." My dad told me he always wished he wouldn't have a gay child, and he's still trying to get used to the idea, but he's still supportive.

    If later on you discover you're gay/bi (or anything else) and need to come out it may just take them awhile to understand. Overall though, you have to live with yourself and your decisions in life, not anyone else, so be true to who you are. <3
     
  11. Zeldafan1998

    Zeldafan1998 Guest

    I didn't think about that! Yes, it would of been worse if my mom had been repulsed about the idea. My mom would definitely not send me away if I came out, but she would probably be uncomfortable for a while, though I am unsure how my dad would react. Thank you for the advice! :slight_smile:
     
  12. HatterMad

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    Also, about not knowing if you're bi or not...who rally cares right now? Ditch the label and just love who you love. There's plenty of time to figure it out. for now go with whatever you are attracted to and don't worry so much about "what" you are. YOU are YOU. That's all that matters.
     
  13. Zeldafan1998

    Zeldafan1998 Guest

    Thank you, HatterMad! :slight_smile: