I keep having this extreme anxiety on my sexuality. I don't know why it is but I just do. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I can't stop thinking about it and I'm going insane. This has been going on for two months now (ever since the beginning of school) and I don't even want to leave my room anymore. I've identified as gay to myself for quite a while and even came out to some family and a friend but now I just don't know. I guess I could be bi but I'm unsure as my feelings keep swapping between being sure I'm gay and then being completely puzzled. I never really notice women or anything and when I look at pictures of them I don't feel aroused but when I look at specific sexual action involving a women I feel very aroused even though in my head I'm disgusted by the image. I've never felt this way before, I feel aroused by guys but never that intense and with any other image I don't feel anything. Sometimes when I go back to see the sexual action I am disgusted and don't feel that previous strong arousal. Could I be turning bi? I've already gone through puberty and have never felt anything sexual towards a girls and the only reason I think about how a relationship would be with a girl is because I'm surrounded by heterosexuality. I suppose I feel like "If all my friends like women I suppose it can't be so bad, right?". Sometimes I try to fantasize about women and it seems ok but when I look at pictures I don't think I'd ever want to try it. I've talked to someone from the Trevor Project and they said I should go talk to a councilor because of my anxiety but I feel like she won't understand and even if I just tell her I'm having high anxiety that she'll try to fix it instead of taking me to a councilor. My parents just want me to go to a christian councilor because "the other guys just tell you what you want to hear". I don't have anyone to talk to about this, I feel so isolated from the rest of the world. I really hope you guys can help me with this. : \
I can't really give you any advice other than to say that you aren't alone. Hopefully there are some people who can address this better.
It does not sound like you are turning bi since you've said a couple times that women don't turn you on and you can't see yourself with one. It more or less sounds like you might be trying to "force" yourself to like girls, which is not good. It's easy for your friends to like and enjoy women since that is what they are naturally attracted to. Just like you are naturally attracted to guys, it's really not that different. I also would not go to a christian counselor in regards to gay issues. I can't see much good coming out of that at all unless it's someone who is LGBT friendly.
The councilor told me he was going to try to fix me so I got the hell out of there, lol.. I'm not trying to make myself like girls , I look at pictures of girls to prove to myself that I'm not attracted to them. Does that make since?
Yes that makes sense. What did your parents have to say about the counselor wanting to "fix you?" Also that is what I figured he would probably want to do and is why I recommended you avoid one, lol.
I'm not out to my dad and I don't really think my mom understands much but I did tell my sister and she agreed with my. When I told my dad I left the christian counselor I was kind of vague about it and he told me real counselors just tell you "what you want to hear". I'm afraid my mom only accepts me as a phase so I didn't really tell her, I think she'd support it.
Is any of this anxiety possibly stemming from how you feel your parents view being gay? It seems to me that you know that you're gay and for the most part accept it. Having unsupportive parents that view homosexuality negatively can be pretty tough to deal with when it comes to wanting to please them and have their support.
I don't know. I think the anxiety has kind of "latched on" to my questioning sequence. When I see or think of a girl I can feel anxiety but I don't necessarily feel any major attraction to them or think "She's hot.". I think my inability to pinpoint why I like girls more than guys is kind of damaging in my situation. Sometimes I can be doing something completely irrelevant to sexuality and then I get anxiety out of nowhere and start thinking about why I like guys more than girls but of course you can't really answer that question, you just do. ---------- Post added 30th Sep 2012 at 01:20 PM ---------- I'm kind of independent so my parents' opinions don't really bug me as much as they could, I plan on moving away when I get older.
Since you mentioned it though I do kind of feel like I am unintentionally "forcing" myself to like women. I keep looking at these pictures and am becoming more and more used to the images that I was once repulsed by which makes me confused to if I am bi or gay...
Take the people you see on the internet out of the picture. How do you feel about regular girls that see in day-to-day life when you're out and about at places or school? How do you feel about the guys?
I've never felt any real attraction to girls other than knowing if one is pretty or not and have always felt something more towards guys, I've had a few crushes on guys but never girls. This says I am obviously gay but for some reason I have a little voice in my head saying otherwise and this gives me anxiety
Yeah, I'm at a loss. Lol Everything keeps pointing to gay. Honestly though I don't think you have much to worry about. Do you feel that you would be happy living as a gay man?
Yeah, lol, my main worry is being bi. I don't want to like women sexual for some reason and I've always liked the thought of having a boyfriend because it's kind of unique and the obvious attraction. Perhaps I should go to a reputable counselor and see if I can't get some medication for my anxiety. It always comes around this time of the year but this is the worse it's ever been.. ---------- Post added 30th Sep 2012 at 02:48 PM ---------- I've never had a problem with being gay but it's never really been a reality either since I've never had a boyfriend, wasn't out, and haven't really been in a sexual situation. Maybe now because it's a reality? I don't know..I guess it just doesn't seem real.
