It's been a while since I last posted. The reason is my parents found out I was cutting. They took away my knife, my staple puller, and I'm only allowed to have my nametag when I am at work. I've been feeling better, but when I tried to bring my fetish up again with my mom tonight, she completely shut me out. And before you go there, she found out and rejected me, then she found out I was cutting and we both kind of let it drop, but now.... augh!!!!!!! :tantrum: :tears: I don't want to go back to where I was, but we NEED to talk about this... right? I mean, the whole reason I was cutting in the first place was because I told her, she talked to a priest and he told her to reject that part of me, and I refuse to let go. Well, that, and then my best friend cut ties with me and then my boss at work was an :***: and pushed me over the edge. :tears::tears::tears: She's my mom, and I love her, but.... We need to talk about this, right? Or do I just let it drop? And.... augh! Help please! :help:
Yeah, self mutilation is such a touchy subject because I used to be a cutter. I hated myself so much because I was dealing with being gay. Everything set me off and I have the ugly scars to prove it. I went to my primary care doctor after my Mom made an appointment because my brother told on me. I had told our mutual friend and then he told my brother and then the s*** hit the fan. My PCP referred me to a psychiatrist who I've been seeing since I was 18. I still haven't been able to openly talk about it to anyone other than my doctor. I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable enough to do so. I'm not even sure what advice I could give you, but please do not cut again. Perhaps, you could print out some information about self mutilation and give it to your Mom to read. It is really difficult for both parties to approach the issue. There's going to be a lot of crying, but it needs to be done. No one my family knows why I used to do it because I'm not ready for them to know. It started when I was 12 and lasted until recently. It makes me really sad sometimes, because I have kids and I would never want them to do that. I also have a niece who has a friend who cuts and I would love to talk to her, but I don't want her to freak out. I wasn't supposed to know but my niece confided in me. I really hope you and your Mom can still down and talk it, the sooner the better and please keep me updated :hugs:
The preist told her to reject that part of you.. what a stupid thing to say. That part of you makes a large part of your life, that is like him telling her to ignore you, just not that part. The fact that she listened is worse, a talk should be done. But.. I see you are 17, and soon enough you really won't have to deal with that any more. Sounds like they are putting you through stuff that is not fair and undeserved. I wish you the best of luck, I really do. I'm sorry for all the bull shit you have to go through.
