Depression, thinking about coming out for the first time. Lost.

Hey, thanks for sharing! I know it can take a lot out of you, but it's always good to write out your thoughts.

I don't think it's correct to say that coming out to your friend would be a betrayal. Coming out wouldn't be something you do to him; it would be something you did for both of you. It's up to you to decide if/when/how you tell him about your sexuality, and it's up to you to decide whether or not he needs to know about your feelings toward him.

Do you have other friends or family to whom you could explain the situation, and who could support you if and when you come out to your friend? Or does it feel right that your friend should be the first person you tell? I know that some people find it helpful to get a therapist or a school counselor and come out to them first. It's up to you to make those choices. The right choices are the ones that feel right to you.

Just know that you're not alone! You're not the first person to ever be in this situation, and you certainly won't be the last. As someone who isn't out at all, I understand the feelings of isolation... but at least you have us here on EC! It's never selfish to open up about your problems, so never hesitate to reach out

Hope things start falling into place for you. Keep us updated!

Jane

 

Hi Bud.

I'm sorry to hear about the way you are currently feeling. Depression is like the snowball effect; it just keeps building until you cannot push yourself to go through life any more. This is not the way to go. Life is going to throw so much at you, but you need to keep your chin up.

I have had the same experience as you are now. This past summer, I began to really like my good friend. I kept thinking that, in a perfect world, he would reveal his true self to me and we could live a perfect life. Me being in the closet didn't help. [At this point in my life, no one knew I was gay. So, this only added to the frustration of continuously thinking about him.]

These feelings and thoughts grew so much that I eventually had a huge meltdown. The meltdown caused me to come out to my good friend from college. She was so supportive and it made me feel much better. The stressful weight of being alone was slightly lifted, because at least there was now one person to talk to about my personal issues. After that, I told two more close friends.

Because of this overwhelming feeling of being lost within myself and really liking this boy, made me a stronger person. I would have never imaged coming out to three friends so rapidly, all because of how one person made me feel. Do I still really like this friend? You bet. There is, and always will be, that small glimmer of hope that you want something to work out for the best, but perfection doesn't exist in the real world. You take what you can from life and roll with it.

I think if you talked to one really good friend about your situation, someone you know will support you, will make you feel less down. Communication is key when it comes to expressing feelings, thoughts, and opinions. There are times when communicating should be held to a minimum, but talking with someone about something such as this is beneficial.

I find that I rarely thought about my friend-crush when I kept myself busy. Maybe consider focusing a lot more on homework? Or trying to find other hobbies or activities to do outside of the dorm room? This way your mind doesn't begin to wander from thought to thought that eventually leaves you feeling down.

In terms of making yourself look straight in front of your other guy friends, keep that to a minimum. When you lie to everyone else, you are lying to yourself. Lying to yourself is only going to make your depression worse. If you do not want your friends to know about you, then make flimsy excuses to avoid certain situations that make you uncomfortable.

Keep your head up buddy. Remember that you are not strange, weird, or messed-up. Everyone is different. Everyone is special in their own way.

Friend,

Rob.