Jealously...

Well, you can stop feeling envious by knowing that you're lucky to be able to fall in love with a woman. Most women don't get to do that :icon_wink

And you basically already said the things you need to remember to stop feeling this way. You dated men to cover up your feelings for women, and they (or at least this one specific guy) couldn't "change" you. Therefore, you know the truth is that you are gay, and you won't feel for men what you do for women. I know it's hard being gay, and there are days we all wish we didn't have to deal with it all. But I think in the end, we should be thankful we're gay. I mean, as much as I'm still in the closet and too afraid to tell the straight people in my life, I still wouldn't trade being gay for anything. I love the fact that I can love with a woman with all my heart. I can appreciate her and feel for her in a way no straight woman can ever do with another woman. I think that's a plus!

I've never felt envious of straight women, but I always feel envious of straight men. I just wish it was that easy for me to be with a girl.

 

I understand what you mean, I was at a wedding with my girlfriend and we were walking along together, someone who knew my girlfriend before she was out was talking to her and then she said to me 'so how do you know the bride?' so my girlfriend said, 'oh Em is my partner.' To which the girl said 'Oh well thats very straight forward then'. So whilst it doesnt matter, I know if I had been a guy then she wouldnt have asked she would have just assumed I was her partner.

 

I kind of try and look at it that its just one of those things in life that you cant change. I try and remind myself that if I wasnt gay I may not have the amazing relationship I have. I guess you have to take it as a compliment that both yourself and your girlfriend are catching their eye, but I know its hard and as much as I always try and put a positive spin on things sometimes it really gets to you.

 

Maybe instead of thinking that you're the black sheep in the family, think of yourself as the dark horse You've "fallen to the background" with all your sisters and their boyfriends, but watch: when you finally find the "right one," this woman is going to be better than all your sisters' boyfriends! Your relationship will be deep and meaningful, and hopefully your parents will see that (including your dad). I think you should feel lucky not to have to deal with men. There are some good ones out there, but I think in general, they're jerks.

And about wearing a rainbow bracelet, you can certainly do that. I think that will give other lesbians the cue, but in terms of making men believe you're gay, I doubt that'll help :lol: You could slap them over the head and reject them and some of them will still think they can change you.

What I said about never being envious of straight women, I actually take that back. "Never" isn't true. I don't feel envious of them in terms of their being able to be with men, but I do envy how comfortable they are with their female friends. You know, girls can compliment each other very openly, they can be very touchy feely (to the point where they're acting gay with each other), they cuddle with one another, etc. It's like...even straight girls can do that with each other, and I just wish I had a girlfriend to do those things with. I'm always afraid to compliment girls even if I'm just saying that I like their shirt or something. I don't want them to think I'm trying to hit on them or whatever. I always have to be self-concious about how I act or what I say around girls, while straight women don't have to be. They can tell each other they look hot and it's fine. But if a lesbian says it...well, you know.

 

No problem! (*hug*) I know, without this site, I'd really have no outlet at all.

About your mom, I understand that it's difficult that she doesn't seem to acknowledge your struggles, especially when you're actually vocalizing how you feel. But, to put a positive spin to it, you're at least lucky you're out to her and (I'm assuming since you didn't say) that she accepts you/has come to accept you and your sexuality. At least she's not disowning you or telling you to change. Sometimes, for us LGBT people, indifference is really the best we can hope for. As long as our parents aren't kicking us out of the house or cutting ties or sending us to electrotherapy, that's already pretty good. We can't expect all parents to be like (!) about their gay children haha. Anyways, if your mom doesn't want to talk about, I think you should let it go. Find someone who will talk about it with you (like on here :icon_bigg). The more you try to talk to someone who doesn't want to reciprocate, the more it will frustrate you.

Yeah, sometimes I just wish I could tell my friend that she looks nice or something (especially on days when you can tell they made an effort to dress up for whatever reason). I just want to be nice! Or even if they get a haircut and it looks good, I feel awkward even complimenting that haha. :icon_redf

 

We're all grieving for something in our lives, perhaps what we won't have in our future or what we never had in our past. It's a life-long process to let those feelings go and it's certainly not easy.

I think it's wonderful that you are able to acknowledge and talk about those feelings of envy. I am slowly coming to terms with my inability to have children (medical problems) and I experience similar envy/jealousy when I see mothers with their children. Rather than berate myself for it, I remind myself that it's okay and natural for me to experience those emotions. I'll grieve that (perceived) loss for the rest of my life, but I'll come out stronger and more self-aware for it. And in place of what we don't have, there's always something more beautiful and rewarding waiting to be found, you know? That's the wonderful thing about life.

Anyway, have a hug, my dear. Take care. (*hug*)

 

Oh wow! I feel this way a lot actually. I envy straight girls for being in able to like guys in a way that I can't . I think it's because I'm just envious of the fact that they can be so "normal" and fit in so easily whereas I know that I can't. I wish I knew what I could tell you to get over it but I think Musikk and Silverhalo have given some really good input. But you're definitely not alone (*hug*)

 

I've been meaning to apply for a full membership, so I guess now's a good time to do it! I've sent the application. Hopefully, I'll hear back soon? In the meantime, I sent you a friend request

 

Hey on the whole I dont think you can blame straight people for not understanding, I mean before I realised I was gay and came out I totally wouldnt have understood either.