My bf and I have dated for a year mostly long distance. He looks very much like a boy but I always thought he might be gay cause of some of the things he did. Yesterday I was argueing with him and it came out and yes I have proof... Before this point he dressed very guy like and I guess I was blind to it don't ask me how but I was please don't judge me on that. So we had a choice well me anyway run away and cry till I could forget I really wanted to or try.. I'm in love with him.. So I stayed now the biggest problem he doesn't like to be looked as a she around me says shes straight and becomes uncomfortable if I treat her as the guy everything is fine ? We have even had phone sex and she was all into being a guy but as a girl the thought of it makes her uncomfortable. I am also struggling to deal with this myself.. I'm straight maybe at most bi curious. She says she would never feel this way about another girl it's just because she loves me she likes guys. She wants to continue to dress like a guy and me keep calling her by her guy name what should I do has anyone delt with anything like this? Help me please
I think the best thing you can do is try to have an open discussion. I myself am trans, a female born in the wrong body. Trust me, its very real, and going by what your post said, your bf is the same, coming from the opposite direction. If you two are in love, then the best thing you can do is talk about it. It probablu won't be an easy conversation for either of you, but I think it will help. You've definitely come to the right place to discuss this. As for questions of sexuality, how you two feel for each other is more important than the labels. If you work this through and are comfortable together emotionally and physically, that's what's important. Hope my tired ramblings helped a little. If not, there are lots of other caring people here who I'm sure would love to help too!
I agree with TJM. I think the best thing to do is talk. Communication is important in any relationship, but when you are in a situation like this where yes, things are confusing, talking about it and being on the same page is so important and crucial. Encourage them to come here if they themselves are having trouble. Again, agreeing with TJM, if you love each other, labels really aren't important. Yes if they make you personally feel more comfortable, then so be it, but I encourage you to try not to put too much emphasis on figuring out exactly where you fit. Its such a difficult thing to find and people don't often have one little niche they fit right into. I hope all goes well! You came to a great place and I personally am willing to help in any ways I can =)
Thanks for everyone's help I will try to get her to come on here and talk the thing that's the hardest is if we act as if we are both girls she almost can't say I love you anymore and feels like what were doing is wrong . If I relate to her has a guy she's crazy over me and feels as everything is normal. I'm struggling with helping her and myself we talked about wanting marriage and kids someday and I feel hurt that she went along know that at least two of us as two girls can't (make a baby) . I almost feel a little angry she made the choice for me and didn't tell me . On the hand when she told me how much she went through to keep me it's almost sweet. She is still out as a girl but as soon as she's home she's a guy she prefers it. She went through the effort of cutting most of her hair off and strapping down her chest so I wouldn't know she said she would listen to all the guys around talking about sex or read stuff and after a while it was as if she was a guy not a girl. I asked her why keep lying why not tell me and she said because she was afraid to lose me. I don't understand though why as a guy she's attracted to me turned on and s s girl she feels award and can't admit it unless I say it in a different way like call her the boy name and ask. What does this mean? Anyone who wants that has any info to help I would love to get some friend requests I could use some people who are outside of the situation to help.
Here is the thing you have to understand. He (he, because if your bf is a transguy, he will most likely want a male pronoun) is as afraid as you are now. And I understand that you have the right to be angry, since he hid the fact that he is a trans before entering a relationship with you, but if you want to continue the relationship, you have to start being understanding. The thing with being a trans is that you are forced in a body that is completely alien to you, and you, being yourself, can only act the way you feel most natural - like a girl if you are MTF, like a guy if you are FTM - despite how strange it might looks and feels for other people around you. So please, give him a chance, and call him as his male identity, it is the best thing you can do. And also, thank you for coming here and seek support. It is a start to helping your bf.
It sounds to me like he is not out to lots of people, and that is why he acts female outside of home, but he came out to you because he feels comfortable with you. I don't think the intention was to lie...perhaps he was not sure yet how to handle things. I stand by what I said, that you ought to try talking to him and let him know how you're feeling. I'm sure he is more than anything trying to gain acceptance. Again, I doubt his intention was hostile in any way...if anything, he was as he said afraid of losing you. I'm also glad you came here. Its one of the best places you could have gone =)
I agree. I doubt there was any malice in the lie. I can understand where your bf is coming from, the need to hide, but I would choose to see it as a compliment that you've been let in. It sounds like he really cares. Sorry my response is so short, on my phone right now
