:help: I'm new here so I guess I should introduce myself. First of all I'm in desperate need of help and advice. I'm a guy in my late 20's and I finally facing the fact that I'm gay. I've struggled against it since puberty but in just can't go on fighting. I so desperately want to just come out with it, but my current living, work, and family situation would be ruined if I did. My parents are extremely homophobic. They would most likely disown me if I came out. I don't really love them that much, but I work for my father in the family business. I come out and I am unemployed (not something I want to be in this economy). I live with an extended family member and if I brought home a guy I liked that would create serious issues with him. Basically, I come out and I am homeless and unemployed. I'm working on retraining and getting another job, but I'm currently so depressed and miserable from my struggle with my sexuality that I just cant effectively make any progress on that front. I've lost contact with every friend I've ever had. I'm so miserable that I've once again become antisocial. I so desperately crave human contact (outside my family) but it's all I can do just to get out of bed. I'm in a vicious cycle where I can't function enough to gain new friends or my independence due to my inner struggles. I've had mental health issues since my early teens, and I really feel that the reason why is that I have to suppress my true self. I've been on just about every prescription antidepressant and then some. I guess you can't medicate the gay away. You can't drink it away either, and god have I tried. My family judges and scolds me for my drinking. They don't understand why I turn to it. I feel like my parents would rather have a drunk for a son than a homosexual, and that's what I'm currently doing for them. Fuck, I think they would rather have a god damned corpse. And that's where I'm headed if things don't change. It's not even about the sex. I just want the freedom to be me. Sorry for the long rambling post. Sorry for sounding so desperate and needy. I'm normally a pretty strong person, but this is proving to be just too much for me. I don't know where to turn, so here I am. Please, somebody just talk with me...
Hey welcome to EC, you have definitely come to the right place. Everyone here will talk to you and help you. Please dont give up, there is definitely still hope, you can get through this (*hug*).
Hey guy! Bring that frown upside down, there's nothing wrong with being gay! Stop looking at it as if it were a plague and realize that being gay's pretty fun too. You get to look at dudes the way no one else can (except straight/bi women and men). Yeah, see, that's the problem that sucks with being in the closet. We desire to connect with someone who is similar with us, yet that would be impossible because it'd require us to come out, and we don't want that sometimes. So we get stuck in a cycle. For me, personally, I'm still stuck in the cycle, sort of. Sometimes we despair so much that we give up, and once we give up, sometimes we open our eyes to different things. For me, I crave friendship and the thrill of meaningful stories. Maybe you can find your own thrill as well. However...lately I've also been completely disconnected with everyone asides from two friends. Sometimes I wonder if I'll miss out my best match, but sometimes it just feels good to forget about everything. Everything which anchors me, everything that ties me down from the impossible. However that's a personal choice and it may or may not even happen to some of us. If you ever want to talk about this, hit me up with a private message! Or add me! Anything works. (unless that's for full members only...in which case I'll check up on the thread)
Hello and welcome to EC Its ok, you're not being desperate and needy. Probably every person in the closet has felt this way, including me so I understand it is difficult. From what you have posted, I gather that you have only just recently decided to confront your sexuality? Or close to that anyway. This is good! You're well on your way to living the life that you want. I can see that everything is entwined with family, your job and even where you live but you can change that. I think baby steps is crucial here because tackling everything at once will be too much. You said you're currently retraining? Good. What are you training for? This is your main priority since you're not ready to come out to parents so finding another job is what you need. I wouldn't bother finding somewhere else to live yet because you will still be working with your dad. What makes you think your parents will disown you if you come out to them? From all the stories I have read on EC, it is very rare for parents to actually disown their child. At the very worst, they may be angry, shocked, sad, or in denial but thats as far as it goes. Just think how long you have had to deal with your sexual orientation, whereas your parents will be hearing it for the first time. It just takes time for them to get used to it. I hope you stick around EC because the more you talk about your problems or just need someone to talk to, it will help you become more comfortable with yourself. Stay strong! (*hug*)
I can feel all the pain in your post and the sense of isolation. However difficult your external environment is, remember that it is your first priority to love and take good care of yourself. So, be gentle and kind on your heart - it is precious and strong and has an amazing capacity to endure. Drinking won't help you do this, no matter how good it feels at the time. And perhaps making a long-term plan to restructure your life (job, living arrangements, etc), will be a good way to focus on positive change. Once you are in a more independent and empowering position, you will feel less afraid of the potential fall-out from revealing your sexuality. Small steps. Change won't come overnight, but every little effort counts. Get a pen and paper and start writing down some goals, however small and insignificant they might seem. If nothing else, I'm sending you a hug. If you want to post a message on my wall (I can't send/receive pm's), then feel welcome! Take care, my dear. (*hug*)
Don't feel alone reading your post made me so sad for you my parents are very homophobic also and would disown me also, it's so sad that they are like this, have you ever watched "prayers for bobby"? I'll try to post a link here it's on YouTube watch it it will make you cry but it is very very inspirational I watched it for 3 days and I cried for days but I love the movie YouTube - Prayers for Bobby (must see, especially parents who have gay son)
Hey, just read your post and it's made me really feel for you. I'm in a similar situation. I can't bring myself to tell anyone that I'm gay and am also in a vicious cycle where life seems to be passing me by. I can also relate to being anti-social. I'm not really in contact with any of my old friends any more so can completely understand what you mean. Just remember that you're not alone. Try not to be so down about it, we can't help the way we were born. If you ever need to speak to anyone I'm here and so are all these other guys who've commented
I'm in a similar situation to u , my parents are homophobic and I hate to think what they would do if I said i was gay. I just want to be me but of course I can't in my environment , it is a horrible situation. And u do feel like u are trapped and on ur own . But ur not , if u want to talk I'm here as Well as loads of other s how have been or are in ur situation. Don't give up , just remember how wonderful u ar .
Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me right now. I've always struggled with this, but lately it's materialized into full on panic attacks. I'm going to my psychiatrist tomorrow because I really need the help getting started on the baby steps. Its funny, if I were strait my life would be pretty good right now. I just can't go on pretending. I'm fairly certain that coming out would be the end of my relationship with my parents. They paid good money to send me to a private Christian hell hole of a school. I don't know what is up with Christians and homosexuality. They obsess over how supposedly evil it is to a disturbing level. I remember one kid saying all the faggots should be lined up and shot. The teachers response haunts me to this day. He just shrugged and said "That would be Biblical." My childhood was a nightmare... I fully realize what the drinking is doing to me. It doesn't even feel good, in fact it makes me sick. I'll just do anything to make this heartache go away. I have to get the drinking under control, especially if I'm going to retrain to be a commercial driver. Hence going to the doctor tomorrow. Hell, maybe I'll just to detox again. It would be a vacation from this shit. I've been in a really dark place these past few days. I was really thinking about just offing myself, but I just can't put my two younger brothers through that. I have to keep going, but this is going to be one hell of an uphill fight. Thank you all again for your support. It's equally reassuring and saddening to hear about all the others struggling like I am. You all will probably hear more from me. And to everyone else struggling feel free to contact me (I'm still figuring this website out btw...) Thanks again, and I have nothing but love in my heart for all of you...
Aww It'll be fine, just think at what's ahead when you can get a job and live on your own! Don't be afraid to take some risks, but don't be rash. Always go for a better opportunity for yourself, and when the times right, come out to your parents...but only when you can have a place to fall back onto (maybe become roommates or rent an apartment). Don't get mad at them...just do this calmly, if they get mad, just tell them you wanted to tell them this, and leave. Oh yeah...welcome to EC!
*hug* give yourself some motivation to be independent first. then, figure out coming out later. if it helps, start with internet friends, then maybe move on to some friends you know in RL who you know can swear secrecy. (like, if you have told them -other- things before and still safe)
as kacho said, internet friends are also a great way to have emotional support! then again i'm also pretty lonely in real life, so i probably should/shouldn't be saying anything.. BUT WHO CARES! they're real people too, yeah?
