Hey everyone, This is my first post here. I'm an 18 year old male and questioning my sexuality. I know for a fact that I like men, because I do have strong attractions to them, so it would seem that I'm gay, but I've only ever fallin in love with women. I've had that giddy, butterflies in the stomach feeling for men, but it always lasts an incredibly short time, but with women it's stays around. This makes things extremely confusing, because I'm just not aroused by women, at least very rarely. There have been instances, but it's only once in a blue moon. I'll think the girls I like are really attractive and the idea of kissing them and holding them and even having sex with them is nice to me and makes me feel good, but there's something missing from it. I don't get that sexual rush, that excitement like I do with guys. Adding more to my confusion, I've never done anything with either sex. Not even kissed. I went to a small high school for three years (the last three) and there were hardly any gay guys there. And I wasn't attracted to the ones who were. I didn't feel anything for any of the girls either. The school was kind of ghetto honestly, and it's just that no one was my type. When I'm "pleasing" myself I think about men, but I can think about women too. It just doesn't feel as good, and usually I end up thinking about myself at the same time. If I think about my own masculinity meshing with the imaginary women's femininity I get excited. But I don't think I could ever really feel satisfied by just the sight of naked girl. I don't find them unattractive, it's just that men are much more appealing physically to me. I notice them more than I do women. I've tried telling myself that I'm gay. It works for maybe a month or so, then all of a sudden I'll catch myself looking or thinking about a women. Does that make me bi? Or am I just confused? Does anyone else have similar feelings...? And if I am bi, would it be wrong for me to be with a woman if I lean towards men? Would that be unfair to her even if I did love her and want to be with her in every way? Another thing too (sorry). It's weird, but it seems when I feel more confidant as a man, I'm more attracted to woman than I usually am... Thanks for reading.
From what I just read I think you are bi (doesn't mean I'm right) other people have similar feelings and if you are bi it would not be wrong to date a chick if you lean more towards men and it would not be unfair to her as long as you love her
I agree with Skittles. It sounds like you're bi to some degree or another. Could be wrong, but that's the impression I get. And if that's the case then no, I don't think it would be wrong to be with a woman. As long as you love her emotionally and are attracted physically, there's nothing wrong with it at all. In my opinion, and I've said this to a few others, and I've seen it said by other members, at this stage, it might help you to ignore labels like gay, straight, or bi, and just give your mind and body a little free reign to figure out what they like, and what they want in a partner. I myself wasn't sure exactly what my sexuality was until well after I'd experienced both sides of the fence, and even for a little while after that, I flip flopped. You have plenty of time to sort yourself into a category if you choose. For now, just let yourself be free to like or love whoever you choose to, and let that be your guide. Hope this helped a little
I think you're in the bargaining stage. It feels like you're desperately trying to cling onto a shred of hope that you could be with a woman. You said that you're not aroused by women and when you're pleasing yourself you think about men. Even though I'm gay I can still see if a girl is attractive but that doesn't make me want to sleep with her. Is this the same for you? The bit where I highlighted in bold makes me wonder if you really do want to have sex with them.
Thanks to everyone for their replies. I think I'm just going let everything take it's natural course and try not to label myself. Lad: The thing is, it's off and on. Like at this specific moment I'd rather have sex with a women than a man. It get's confusing; it's like I switch back and forth. That's also one of the things I was wondering about, because I didn't know if that could just be a short of "phase." Or whatever. It's like I said, if I feel confidant in my masculinity I rather be with women (but still like men) and like thinking about them and get turned on. But if I'm having a self-conscious sort of day and I feel less like a man, then I'm more attracted to men. I also have a testosterone deficiency and have to get injections. I don't know if that plays a part in all of this or not.... but I don't think sexuality has much to do with how much of a hormone you have, right? I actually had an injection today.
This is something you need to talk to your physician with. I highly doubt that anyone could answer this question for you. Otherwise, I applaud your attitude of just letting things take their natural course. You have plenty of time to figure this out. Best of luck in your journey!
Hmm confusing, maybe you're bisexual then. You're right, I don't think hormones should affect your sexuality since we're born this way Sorry I couldn't help more.
Omg black and white that's so much like me :O wow I feel like I could har written that! I feel the exact same way I even posted a thread I think before asking this. Most of the time I like men and "please" myself to men but sometimes I like women but not sexually like if I see a bleach blonde girl in Gucci as Louis vuitton I can't stop but be like "wow she's hot" but I feel like I couldn't "perform" in bed with her even If I wanted to :/ but at the same time I feel like if Im with a man permanently then I feel like awkward and after I'm done "pleasing" myself I feel dirty and gross.... I'm only 17 and I have also never had experience with either sex and like you I find my self looking at men 99% of the time I'm pretty certain I'm gay but 1% of me says maybe I'm bi or something
I'm glad to hear from someone who understands so well! I don't really feel disgusted with myself, but it has happened. I think that's usually because my fantasies aren't exactly sweet and romantic. The thing is, with me, there seems to be a real difference between just having sex and making love with someone. I don't think I could ever just have sex with a girl for the thrills, I would have to love her before I could enjoy it. Sometimes, like last night, I do feel strong physical attractions to women, but it isn't that often. With men I think I'd be fine with both. When I imagine myself with a girl that I'm in love with I feel fine and like it, but it's definitely a different type of enjoyment. It's strange. It's more than just lust... But like I said, I'm just going to let things take their natural course. I'm not going to do anything or put myself into situation where I'm not happy.
I am the same way; I'm sure there's a lot of people here who also do. I wouldn't worry too much about it without giving it a little time. I know that sounds cliche and stuff, but until you actually find someone that you connect with and experience with (guys or girls) it might be hard to determine based on your thoughts. It does sound like you may be bi but leaning towards being gay. But I could be wrong of course. You could end up falling in love with either and enjoying the relationship completely. So yeah, I'd say time will tell. Haha.
