Yesterday I met up with a friend for lunch. We somehow got on the topic of gay people after talking about clubs and how her sister went to a gay club. Then she got on the topic of a friend she had that was gay and how he was really cool and how she's met some awesome gay people before. That should have been the perfect moment for me to come out... but I didn't. Instead I played along, nodded and just agreed with her. Afterwards I felt really bad about not having come out to her. I don't know why but I felt really ashamed of myself for not having done so. Probably because I felt like such a liar. I just hate how lying about my sexuality has become second nature to me. It's so much easier for me to pretend sometimes then it is to come clean. Even when some of the girls from my gsa bring up girls they find attractive, I feel awkward and don't say anything. Another thing that bothers me is how I seem to have no problem if a stranger finds out I'm gay. It doesn't bother me at all. But if it's someone I know, then I feel really uncomfortable about them knowing. I guess it's probably because there are so few people I'm close to that I'm scared of losing the few that I have. I know that if people reject me, then they weren't good friends but that's not easy when you don't have that many close people anyways. I just get this weird thought sometimes that fully accepting myself as a gay person means I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Anyways, just felt like ranting a bit. Anyone ever feel this way? Thoughts on how to get over it?
I can understand you frustration, I have repremanded myself for not coming out before too. Like you I have very few close friends. I am not sure why though. I also have had a hard time coming out to people even if I know they are understanding. I think that this happens because regardless of weather you are coming out our just talking about gay people, it is sometimes a bit of an uncomfortable topic. There is a lot of pressure wrapped around the word and idea of Gay. Even if people are fine with gays, they sometimes, under peer pressure, will dis or demean them. I am not out at all. I'm sure people have their suspicians but I wish I was out, even just to a few people. It would make life a lot easier. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is a lie. I fake my sexuallity, and my religion, and my reputation. I cannot be myself around almost anyone. I am just trying to hold out until college and then I can rebuild myself to be who I want to be. Now that you know she is accepting, I would go out to lunch with her again in about a month, that way it wouldn't be too rushed. Treat her and say "I brough you here because there is something I want to talk to you about..." Hopefull it will come from there. I think it is always hard when you first start. (but I wouldn't know because I haven't come out yet) Good Luck!(*hug*)
It's okay! If you missed one opportunity, you can always make your own! Just talk to her like always and bring up the conversation you had with her, make sure to explain too why you kept it a secret, hopefully she'll understand . I also have a similar idea. I don't like it when people close to me tell or announce that I'm bi. Made me loose a friend...but it made me gain another . Hope everything works out. Don't be afraid to come out to some of your close friends, maybe not everybody if your community isn't very LGBT friendly. Mine is sort of.
You've pretty much summed up my thoughts exactly. Just one week ago, I had lunch with a friend who I hadn't seen in a year. We became friends freshman year of college, she went to study abroad sophomore year, and now she's back for junior year. We met up, went out to lunch, and while we were driving back, we started talking about some of our old friends from freshman year. There were these two girls we were friends with who claim they are straight; however, they were like attached at the hips. They were inseparable and spent every waking second together. They were super, super close to the point where they would sleep together in each other's beds just because. They never slept a night apart. One day, they would sleep together in Girl A's room. Another night, they would go to Girl B's room and sleep together there. These beds are a twin size, so obviously very cramped. Anyways, throughout the year, my friends were always talking about how these two girls should just admit they're gay and dating. Fast forward to junior year at the lunch, my friend was talking about them and said, "Why don't they just come out already?!?!" I, not being out, just froze and didn't say anything. I felt so stupid. I could've just said something. My friend's not homophobic, I know that. I, too, don't care if strangers know I'm gay, but I'm a complete paranoid wreck when it comes to letting the real people in my life know. That's why I'm still closeted today. I have one gay guy friend and there are people from my school's GSA who know I'm gay (but I'm not friends with them), but other than that, none of my straight friends know. And like you, I don't have many friends. In fact, besides the few that I keep in touch with from high school, I don't hang out with anyone in college. I even avoid making friends because I don't want to have to deal with coming out to people! It really sucks...
That's exactly how I feel sometimes. I fake my sexuality a lot as well as my religion. I'm forced to go to church and believe things I no longer care about. I wish I could just be sometimes! There's a pride parade this weekend. She usually asks me what I did over the weekend and if I tell her that then maybe she'll put two and two together.... but for some reason, people never figure out I'm gay:eusa_doh: Well, I've come out to people before but I no longer talk to them or we no longer live in the same state. The only people that I talk to that know are my lgbt acquaintances and my one straight friend who is awesome and listens to my rantings about gay things even though she's Muslim. And I hope she's understanding! I'm glad you managed to gain a good friend in coming out as bi Wow are you the Californian version of me?? So did you ever find out if those two girls are actually gay and dating or just really close friends? Yes coming out to people is so annoying. Sometimes I wish I had a sign on my forehead that said I'm gay so then I wouldn't have to worry about coming out and hiding. Sometimes it's so easy to hide that I'm scared I'll get caught up in the lie. Thanks for the advice/stories everyone. If anyone else has had similar thoughts or experiences, please share
I was terrified of coming out to my friend and sisters; one of my sisters actually treated me differently for a while. Things are better between her and I, but I'm still unable to discuss certain things about my life with her. It just sucks how we are so afraid to be ourselves when we had no control over it at all. And it's crazy because we've been conditioned to be afraid, no one wants to lose those we love. Perhaps, it's God's cynical way of teaching us a lesson to be learned. Those who truly love us will be there for us through thick and then, and God works in mysterious ways. You weren't ready to tell your friend that you're gay, which is totally fine. My Dad still doesn't know, but I plan on telling him one day this week. I totally chickened out the last time. I think you should tell her when you are 100% ready. Don't rush it, these things take time. I've been out since I was 17/18; I'm 26 and my Dad still doesn't know because I want it that way. I've had many opportunities, but the timing didn't feel right. Don't feel bad and don't beat yourself up about it. You'll get another opportunity and if the timing feels right then go for that
I just might be! Haha. No, I never found out about those two girls. The two of them, along with the girl I went to lunch with and one other girl and I used to be a close group of friends freshman year. The five of us were always doing things together. Then suddenly those two girls kind of broke off and went into their own little world. They were like exclusive friends to each other. But despite all that, we could never confirm if they're together together. I know, I wish we all had signs! Then not only would we not have to come out but we'd know which girls are gay as well.
