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Needing Some Advice (LONG STORY)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by shaunnaj84, Oct 3, 2012.

  1. shaunnaj84

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Campbellsville, KY
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So.. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years... although we have known each other for way more than that. I haven't always been completely gay and I haven't always been out of the closet so to speak... not entirely... but she has been both totally gay and out her whole life... I had been married and divorced to a man and she had traveled to Canada to marry someone as well... fortunately for me... it didn't work out. I had feelings for her secretly for years before we ever got into a relationship. I know she is the one for me... and I have shied away from marriage since my divorce.. but I just have this feeling inside of me that I can't shake that she is the ONE, the ONLY ONE and if given the chance I would marry her. We BOTH talk about spending forever together and have agreed verbally that we are life partners..but she says she will NEVER get married again, but I want MORE than that.. I'm not saying we should make this big deal out of it and have like an actual wedding, or a wedding at all..but something private between me and her and I want us to wear rings... call them ETERNITY RINGS or something.. you know not as petty as a promise ring.. not as horrid as a "wedding ring"... how do I bring this up to her without sounding like our verbal promise isn't good enough.. and without freaking her out... I don't know what to do or say about this entire situation. Any advice or ideas would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!


    Shaunna J
     
  2. Aielar

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    Just calmly explain how you feel, and how you would like the both of you to wear a physical sign that you two are commited to each other for life. I believe the most important thing to do is to not pressure her about it, and probably best if you don't issue an ultimatum...which it sounds like you won't though :slight_smile: You could ask her why she doesn't want to get married again, and then both of you could work together to address those concerns about marriage. Make sure to mention (verbally, so it's out in the open) that if she doesn't want to wear an eternity ring then you will respect that decision :slight_smile:

    Btw, to end this on a cheerful note, I'm happy you've found the person you want to spend forever with, that's awesome :slight_smile:
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Hey I have a quick question, is it important to you that you both wear rings or just that you both wear something that symbolises your committment?
     
  4. shaunnaj84

    Regular Member

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    It doesn't have to be rings necessarily... just something that symbolizes what we have... I even brought up a matching tattoo.. but she's been there before and she didn't like that idea either... not that I could blame her... but it is important that we both wear it or have it...

    ---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2012 at 03:04 PM ----------

    Thanks for the advise and the happy note :slight_smile: I greatly appreciate it!!!
     
  5. silverhalo

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    Ok so my advice would be to sit her down and explain to her that you totally understand why she doesnt necessarily want rings or tattoos but that you would really like it if you both had something that symbolised what you are to each other, and explain how much it means to you. Then I would ask if she has any ideas about what it could be, if she can come up with an idea then it is much more likely that she will be happy wearing it.

    Perhaps a necklace or bracelet, if you want a ring then perhaps she could wear a ring on a necklace. Or if she doesnt want it to be so obvious perhaps an ankle bracelet or something.