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Coming out to everyone

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rice and Pepper, Oct 3, 2012.

  1. Rice and Pepper

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I live in Greece, go to university and want to come out to many people, but I am afraid because of the general racism. Well, there will always be idiots etc, but that's not exactly the problem.

    I am really worried about the financial crisis. It has devestating effects on the greek society. Unemployment has gone from 13% to over 25%, the state owes money to everyone and many other but things. And on top of that, the IMF and the eurozone (they lend Greece money), pretend that nothing is going wrong inside the country and they just demand more austerity measures. Anyway, my main problem is that people are getting exhausted and that a neo-nazi party (that's how the international media refers to it, but to be honest I don't like the term) is gaining power in the parliament. Their opinion about homosexuality is very simple and straightforward, just like about leftwinged people and refugees (we have A LOT of refugees in Greece and there is an outbreak of racism against them due to the crisis). They simply beat them up, along with everyone else who dares to go up against them.

    Chances are they won't gain too much power until the next 3 years to corrupt even my university and I will be able to finish my 5 year studies programme here and migrate abroad (I was planning to do that anyway, so don't worry). Nevertheless, I am still very concerned about that matter.

    However, apart from the general disaster-doom story above, the neo-nazis raising got me thinking that if I come out to people in the universities, as gossip can spread rather fast, there are definitely some people who will react negatively when they learn about my "preferences", but there are also people who will use that piece of information to my disadvantage (I can guarantee they will). And I am also really worried if it reaches professors too. I work hard and want to become someone great in my life, and thus my orientation might be a huge obstacle in my life and hinder my goals...

    Nonetheless, having come out to a few people, I have made up my mind that I don't want to live in the closet. I want my orientation to be a regular, normal part of my life that I won't have to hide or be shy about (and if I don't come out to the many people, it will be very hard to find a boyfriend too).

    What are your thoughts about my problem (both the social-political and the career-personal)? Any suggestions?
     
    #1 Rice and Pepper, Oct 3, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2012
  2. Caudex

    Caudex Guest

    First, hating gay peeps is not racism, because gay people aren't a race, last I checked.

    Don't come out yet, or do to a few trustworthy people. Then leave. Another option is to apply to a university in Britain or the U.S.

    Good luck!
     
  3. IllusiveRannoch

    Regular Member

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    if you're near an embassy or consulate, you could find out info on other European nations' political asylum or visa if you've got no other legal way out. or you could drop out of your current university and migrate as soon as you can and continue somewhere else that's more lgbt friendly. taking care of safety is pretty important.
     
  4. Gekko

    Regular Member

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    I feel exactly the same about that!

    You could try coming out to more friends or people you know will be accepting so you can start your coming out to everyone process slowly and safely (To the kind of people who won't tell everyone yet). Also, observing how people react to other people who are out, or asking people who are out themselves might be very helpful in deciding.
    That's what I'll do in my case.

    If you are sure people will use to your disadvantage, don't come out yet. I supouse that by coming out like that we accept that not everyone is going to be okay. Do it when you feel ready and you're sure it won't harm you a lot.
     
  5. Rice and Pepper

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    @Illusive rannoch
    Wow... Maybe I made it sound like I am in a war zone... Greece is a member of the Schengen Agreement, which means I can move any day I like to another Schengen country without anyone preventing me from doing so. It's not like I am in danger anyway, I was just expressing my concerns over the recent events and the general future of my country as a member of the EU.

    But all three of you are right. Better safe than sorry, in every aspect. I won't make anything hasty. But you know, I just feel sad that I have to keep a low profile while heterosexuals don't have to. If a man and a woman kiss publicly, some will say "oh, how cute", others may say they are showing off, but it's no big deal. If a homosexual couple kiss, they will probably be judged as perverts. Doesn't that make you feel minor? It's so unfair... :frowning2:

    It all comes back to the same stupid question "But why am I gay? I never wanted to be..." when you go through the first phase of coming out to yourself and feel horrible. I am over that and I know that being gay you are forced to develop selfconfidence and respect yourself, in fact much more than other people would, but I sometimes think how easier life would be if I was straight. Such a bummer. :/

    Now, the only thing left to resolve is whether I should come out to a friend so that she will help me find out if a guy I like is gay (read about that here if you'd like), in order to avoid getting uncovered in case he is not. Do you think I should do that and, if yes, what should I tell her to do exactly? I seriously have no clue.

    Oh and
    @Gekko
    I don't think observing how people react to other people who are out is not always a good idea. I mean, when you have not witnessed the thing yourself, you may say things you do not mean. For example "I believe that gay people have some kind of mental issue. I mean, why would you not be straight? Being gay is abnormal" etc. But if you go up to that person and confess that you are gay, he may realize what an idiot he was this whole time and how he should talk about things he doesn't know. My parents were like that, but when I told them they just took the hit and calmly talked over it. They still haven't understood why someone is gay and insist on saying he/she is, but I know they have felt bad for themselfs.

    I am just saying that this method may not be always accurate and may lead you staying for more in the closet than you ought to.

    And I am really glad we are feeling the same thing! :icon_bigg
     
  6. Gekko

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    I think that could be true, but some people won't change so easily.