I'm puzzled about sexuality being fluid? I was talking to a volunteer counselor on a gay helpline chat and he said "you may not be gay 50 years from now. People switch from being bi, to gay, to even straight at times." I've also heard that sexuality is fluid a few times on this site..this confuses me, I thought that once you are gay that's just how it is and now I'm being told it changes over time back and forth. Which is it? :\
From my understanding, sexuality is more fluid than we often give it credit for; however, this fluidity does have its limits. Generally speaking, it is unlikely that someone who is completely gay will wake up one day and find themselves having turned straight overnight. Bisexuality is a little bit different. Among women, at least, those who identify as bi are likely to find their attractions shift over time, to the point that they sometimes find themselves attracted nearly exclusively to one gender. I imagine that some who identify as gay may find their sexuality drift toward being bi over time (and then perhaps back again), but again, it's not quite jumping from one extreme to another. I think the reason why the idea that if someone is gay they will always be gay has spread so much was to counteract the idea that being gay is a choice. Just because your sexuality can change doesn't mean you have any control over it.
I suppose it makes since. Perhaps that's why people end up coming out at late ages because their small attraction to men had increased and become exclusive or perhaps there're other traits. I hope I don't go through this and if I do I hope it's not so extreme. Would be a shame to get married and lose sexual attraction to men. Right now I feel as if I have very little sexual attraction towards any gender but that also has to do with stress. Anyway, thanks for clarifying it for me!
Couldn't have said it better. I don't totally understand how it works myself, but I know for me at least that I feel different levels of attraction to a certain gender on any given day.
Hi, I'm certainly not an expert but I'll toss this idea out there. Maybe part of the "fluidity" has to do with age and experience. The older you get, the more relationships you live through, the more you realize how rare and precious it is to find someone who you TRULY fit with. Maybe if your personality is somewhere in the middle of that sliding scale between 100% straight and 100% gay, as you age you come to value people more for their personality than the gender of their meat suit. I believe that it is possible to be attracted to both genders, and it's possible to come to a place in your life where you decide your relationships based on the inside not the outside. That said, it doesn't mean it's always comfortable. Just possible.
I believe that bisexual individuals often have fluctuating preferences. Also, research has shown that female sexuality is known to be more pliable and open to change than male sexuality. These are extremely controversial issues though, and rightfully so. The important thing to keep in mind is that even if people's preferences can change, it is in individuals who are bisexual. I don't believe anyone who was gay ever just turned straight or vice versa. However I think it is very likely that bisexual people really do go through shifts in attraction. And anyone who suddenly takes a liking to a gender they never noticed before is not the result of an actual change in sexuality, but rather a new perspective in how they open up to repressed feelings about said attractions.
I think sexual fluidity is a very grey area that needs more understanding before people start using it to advise sexuality-struggling people. I also think a lot of people hear about this fluidity and cling onto it like a virus clings to a cell. Your sexuality may mix and match overtime, but for the most part... You are what you are, and that won't ever change. I think a lot of gay people hope this fluidity will just hit them and they will find themselves attracted to the opposite gender for the rest of their lives. I would love to think my sexuality will become fluid at some point, but in the end I'll always like men and no amount of hope or fluidity is going to change that.
For me at least, being bi used to seem like fluidity. My first crush (I was 12) was on a girl, my second on a boy and it’s been the same ever since. At first it felt like I was going from straight to gay and back all the time. I felt confused, but thought it was a phase I’d grow out of. I eventually realised what it was. When I had a crush on someone, my sexual attraction to other people (either gender) dropped to almost nothing, so when I had a crush on a boy I felt almost completely gay, and when I had a crush on a girl I felt almost completely straight. When I had no interest in anyone, I could be attracted to either, so felt bi. It’s how I’ve always been, so I don’t think my sexuality changes or has changed. It just seemed like it, because I didn’t understand it.
