I want to come out but I feel like I'm never gonna be ready for that. There will always be something holding me back even in the best scenario and that's because it's so much easier to be seen by others as straight. My friends could be supportive, but they probably won't and I could feel left behind. This guy which I think might have a crush on me probably hasn't and would distance himself from me. My parents would be shocked and my dad is very homophobic. My sister is the only that could be O.K with it. It would be better for me, at least inside. But if people around me wouldn't be O.K. with it I could feel pretty depressed and as I said, left behind. Thing is I don't think there'll ever be a good time to come out but I feel the need of it, you know? I feel I'm ready but there are things holding me back. Sorry for bothering you with my issues...
I would say to first of all just take a deep breath. You are only 14, you have so much more left in your life I wouldnt stress about a thing. I find that our hearts and our minds are two equally intelligent tools, so I always encourage people to consider the 'opinions' of both when dealing with problems. You say that a part of you feels like you want to come out, which is great. Then there is of course there is your mind telling you that if you do it could make life alot worse. Unfortunately, both are reasonable. If you feel that you are in a position where it wouldnt be a good idea to come out right now, dont feel depressed, it wont last forever. There will come a time when you will be free and off to college, for safety issues. For emotional issues, you can allow yourself to be unhappy to spare the feelings of everyone else. It is your PARENTS job to love you unconditionally, not while you are fiting their image. My opinion? It you dont feel ready because your are afraid of what people will think, then that is not a reason to stay the closets. If you are afraid for your safety or your probability of enjoying the your life until you are on your own or off to college, then it might not be the best idea. However, I think the first step is to be more of yourself. You came be completely yourself and open, without sending out a formal letter to everyone your meet. In my experience at least, it doesnt feeling like such a big secret or closet unless with made it such.
You're right. I'm not worried about my safety and I shouldn't really worry about what others will think but I'm still afraid of how my friends will react. I'll probably come out to my sis this weekend... thanks a lot for the advice.
Hi! I am if a very similar situation to you. I want to come out to my sister too! I am 14! I am afraid of what my friends will think of me and I don't think there will ever be a good time to come out! However, I know my family isn't homophobic. It is incouraging to me to see other people my age in a similar situation. Make sure you tell us how your sister takes it.
Hey welcome to EC!....you say you don't want to ever come out or feel that you will never be ready, yet you are here on empty closets. That itself is a step toward AND a big one. I'm 14 too and if you are anything like me then you feel trapped because at this point in our life even if we wanted to come out it would be very hard.... That's a lie. It varies from where you live but most people are surprisingly accepting. I joined EC in January less than a year ago and back then I wouldn't even dare to think I was gay, I wouldn't even think it! And now 10 months later I'm out to 3 close friends and I'm planning on coming out to a gay guy in my school. Also to your friends being supportive or not they might suprise you. My best friends were an incredibly homophobic Christian and an equally homophobi MORMON. And now one of them is a big supporter of gay rights and the other one is getting there haha. BUT don't rush things, you are 14 that is really young I've been told that lots of times and it's true. Give yourself time to get comfortable with who you are and you will eventually be ready ,trust me. And don't let things hold you back because most of those things are excuses, I used to use my ex girlfriend as an excuse, and that held me back for a really long time. If you are gay which you sound pretty sure of then nothing is going to make you as happy as being yourself. Stick around EC I'm sure I wouldn't be we're I'm at right now if it wasn't for this wonderful website, make threads, talk about your crushes, post in the fun and games section and just get comfortable that's the best advice I can give you. It takes time it does but if your in the right place surrounded by the right people it will come a lot faster. I don't get on EC as frequently as I used to because of school but if you ever want to talk a out anything I'm all ears just contact me on my wall ... And lastly I apologize if I misspelled some words or some parts don't make sense autocorrect can be a really big pain in the ...
Well I hope it goes well. ^_^ Having your sisters support would be a big help when dealing with the rest of your family. Maybe she could help you eventually break the ice with your parents. Either way, good luck (*hug*).
Turns out I won't get to see her this weekend. Damn fever!! So I'll have to wait till next weekend, aaaaa. Thanks for replying!!! It really is encouraging to see people in similar situations!! I absolutely relate to both of your stories, although a year back I alredy knew I was gay and felt attraction towards guys but in my head I wouldn't ever tell it to anyone and I would just live a "normal" life with a wife and kids. Now I'm sure it would be impossible. Do you guys think it could be easier for me to come out to girls first?? Thanks for being so supportive! Although I won't be able to do it this weekend I want to have it done as soon as possible! I'm glad I found EC, you guys are so awesome!!
Hey I was a lot older than you when I was coming to terms with my sexuality and when I first thought about coming out I was horrified and sure that I was never going to be able to come out. I used to be on EC and I would see all these threads about coming out and people who were out saying 'oh no rush, you'll just know when you are ready' and I used to think how can they say that, im sure ill never be ready and if I am im sure ill never know about it but then time passed and eventually I got to the point where I felt I was ready, I was totally shocked but I definitely felt it. The best way I can describe it is as 2 things; 1. The desire to come out 2. The fear of coming out. When you first accept your sexuality 2 is overwhelmingly stronger than 1 but as time passes I think for most people 1 grows and grows and 2 gradually subsides. So eventually there comes a point where 1 becomes stronger than 2 and that point starts the chapter where you are ready to come out. But as I said before you are still young so no rush.
I'm no coming out expert but I don't think gender really matters. Sure it's more common for girls to be more accepting, especially when you find one that is looking for a "gay best friend" (though I've met two and what they really want is a guy friend to go shopping with, so idk if that's your thing or not xD) in my opinion just tell a close friend that you know will be accepting guy or girl. If you don't know if any of your friends are accepting try bringing up the subject, what I did was make up fake gay family members and from there I use them all the time when I want to hear people opinions on lgbt ppl
