Okay, so I've never really truly questioned my gender identity ever. I'm biologically a woman, but I am a little different than a lot of women. I'm more of a tomboy. And I've established that I'm different years ago. I know I am, and I never questioned it too much. But now, I'm starting to wonder a little bit. Nearly all day yesterday, I was really unhappy with myself. I just started feeling...wrong. like my body wasn't right or something. I felt uncomfortable, almost wishing I was a man. But not quite. Mostly, I had really bad breast dysphoria, I guess you could call it. I just hated my boobs with a passion. I didn't want them at all, I just wished I had a flat chest, or at least a binder to hide them. I wasn't really hating on much else, like my vagina or long hair or anything, mainly just my boobs. And my boyfriend was over. We have sex a lot, and I have a bit of a high sex drive, but I didn't even wanna have sex or do anything with him. Not because I was mad at or not attracted to him or anything. It was just me. I hated myself, my body soo much, that I couldn't picture having sex, not with me having boobs and maybe with my vagina too. I was just disgusted with myself. And I was totally dreading the fact if my boyfriend should start touching me or anything, because I was too disgusted with myself to want to do anything. After several hours, this attitude finally subsided. But I've been questioning myself ever since. Has anyone else ever felt anything like this? And what does it mean to have breast dysphoria and sorrt of hate my body, but not want to get any surgery to become a man? I mean, last night, I was disgustted with my female body. But I don't really want to be a man. Because most of the time, I'm okay with being a woman. This whole thing is just confusing the hell out of me...
I saw your post yesderday, but I didn't have time to reply. What I wanted to tell you is that I have felt the same way before. I have never had sex with anyone, nor ever dated anyone for that matter, but often times I have just wanted my breasts to go away. Not anything else that is particularly femminine about me (exept maybe my hair which I always wear in a pony tail anyways). Esspecially when my breasts were first developing, I didn't want them. I wanted to stay a little kid. From then, I sometimes refer to them as two annoying obsticals that hurt unnessisiarily so when hit with a dodgeball in PE. I have come to interperet this feeling as just not wanting to take care of an extra nusience. I, most of the time, want to be a woman too. When I feel like that I just wear a sports bra, so I see less of them when I look down. I really wanted to be a guy when I was young, because I wanted to be strong and tall when I grew up. Now I am usually ok with being a woman (or for now 'girl' because I am only 14). Most of the time I like having boobs, but I just wish that nobody else cold see them.
Thank you soo much. Your post helped, makes me feel a little better knowing I'm not alone. It's weird, though. I've sometimes wondered what it"d be like to be a guy, and sometimes got jealous of guys because they were guys. But I've never really truly wanted to be a guy. And sometimes, I have liked my boobs. But half the time, I just think of them as a nuisance or something. Even so though, I've never really hated them so much as I did the night before last night. I don't understand it. I just don't get why, all of a sudden, I despise my breasts so much. Why I just wanted a flat chest so much. I even wondered about getting a binder to hide them, I was so upset about them. And then after several hours, the feeling slowly disappeared. And ever since, I've sort of just had a netrual (I know I spelled that wrong) feeling towards my boobs. For now, anyway. I just don't get it, its confusing. And my boyfriend was with me the other night, when this happened. And he's still worried about, I think. But I haven't told him yet what was bothering me. And I'm not sure how to tell him.
The feelings you are experiencing are very similar to those that I have felt before. I don't know if I have ever felt extreme hatred for my breasts at one time, but when I focus on other things, it sometimes helps me. Is your boyfriend worried that you might be trans? I have also wondered what is would be like to be a guy, and often times got jealous of them. About a guy, I usually wish that I had as straight a body as them (I know this is not the best word choice, but I couln't think of anything else) I wish my shoulders aligned with my hips and my but didn't stick out... I also somtimes appriciate how I look. (rarely) When I go to homecoming I love how I can (if I really try hard) make myself look pretty, and girly. I have never considered the possibility that I am trans, but now that you get me thinking ... P.S. neutral
i love being a girl and wouldn't have it any other way, but i've had a lifelong battle with hating my breasts. i grew early (adult height by age 11) and developed early. unfortunately, i was a gymnast and a dancer, and having a chest at all meant that it was too big and undesirable. i still often feel like my chest is too big, even though in reality it's about average and i'd probably look less balanced if it were smaller
No, he's not worried about that. I haven't told him what was wrong with me yet. I was too confused and everything, so I decided to just tell him later. I'm prolly gonna tell him tomorrow night when he comes over after work. I'm not sure what to tell him though because honestly, I'm still kinda confused about it myself. I don't think I'm trans though. I can't really see myself as a guy. And I've never really hated my vagina. The other night, it was mainly just my boobs. And I don't get it, cuz I have never hated anything about my body so much as I did the other night with my boobs. And like I said, sometimes I've wondered what it's like to be a guy. But not a lot. I'm not usually so hateful about my body. I mean sometimes I am, I'm selfconscious or something. But I don't really want to be a guy. I don't feel like a guy. Though sometimes, I don't feel like a girl either. Sometimes, I kinda feel inbetween, or neither. It's confusing. Though whenever someone says something about how I'm kinda masculine/tomboy or they ask me to help them with something that they'd normally ask a guy to help with (like my coworked at work today asked me to help take out the garbage, which the guys usually do cuz it's heavy), I'm not offended. I actually feel complimented. Makes me feel strong or something, I guess.. Speaking of being strong, I was trying to think of why I felt that way. I'm pretty sure I'm not a transman. But earlier that day, I got a call from my dad. He talked and vented for a bit about how he's soo far in debt and might lose the house...I felt really bad and I wanna help him. But I was thinking that maybe the reason I hated my boobs so much was maybe...maybe they made me feel to feminine. Like a stereotype is that men are strong and competent and women are weak/fragile and incompetent. Stupid and false, I know. But I had a thought that maybe being a girl and having such big boobs made me feel TOO feminine, like I was weak and incompetent because I was a girl. And I really wanna help my dad. So maybe I was so worried about being incompetent and not being able to help, that I saw my boobs as an enemy for really no reason and took it out on them...I wonder if that's possible. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much into this XD And that's understandable to not like something that is kind of in the way for something you wanna do, redstormrising. I think anyone would feel like that. I know if my boobs stopped me from doing something I loved or made it more difficult, I'd definitely hate them! And like all the time. And boobs can be very annoying when you're doing something like dancing or gymnastics. Heck, they get annoying just when running or anything lol ---------- Post added 5th Oct 2012 at 03:02 AM ---------- And metoo, you said about wondering if you're trans. I know that usually, a trans person has more than just "breast dysphoria." I mean, I have a trans friend but I'm not trans (or at least I think I'm not), so I don't FULLY understand everything, I admit. And I'm not going to understand like I know everything. You'd have to talk to an expert about it to know more. But I know that a lot of trans people have just general gender dysphoria, not liking their genetalia too. A question you can ask yourself is do you not like just your boobs, or other parts too, like your vagina? Or is it everything? That might help answer the question if you're trans or not a little better.
I wish I could talk to someone who really understands what's going on. I'm a lesbian. More "butch" if you want to label it. Anyhow, my girlfriend and I have been together for a little more then a year. I recently told her I been having a lot of Breast dysphoria. I can't even tell her what's really going on because I barely understand it myself. My girlfriend gets worried and often she asks if I'd ever want to become a man. I've often wondered what it"d be like to be a guy and I've researched out the ass about it. I watch FTM videos on YouTube and try to learn and watch how to transition and what you can risk and gain from it. I have a really good friend of mine who transitioned female to male and he's happy. He also mentioned he had a lot of breast dysphoria before he started to transition and begin testosterone. He binds and so do I but I don't bind 24/7. Some days I get really unhappy with myself. I don't really wish I was a man or to become one in all honestly. It's really just my chest I can't stand. When I look in the mirror I can see my breast and how they appear under my clothing. I try hard to hide them. I'm more of a tomboy, but I'm also very true to my self. I don't try to be someone I'm not. I dress the way I feel comfortable really and that's all men's clothing. I get panicky when someone directs me to the woman's second if I can't find anything on the men's section. This is the first time I can't be honest about my breast dysphoria because I have no idea to begin to understand what's really going on. Am I meant I have a flat chest? My girlfriend doesn't really understand. She just says well go get a breast reduction.. But it's not that simple. What happens if I do remove my breast or get a breast reduction then that makes it more confusing for others. Are you a man? Girl? Girl with out breast? Lol this is what goes through my mind. Any advice? P.s I'm sorry I'm not all that great of a writer. Disregard how horribly written this was hah
Some trans* people do feel comfortable with their genitalia. ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2014 at 10:23 AM ---------- oh wow I didnt know this was an old thread.. lol
What has to be borne in mind is that people do not all fit into the box of male or female. You can have people with intersex conditions who grow up and discover that they would prefer to be one or the other, as they feel female or male despite, eg. ambiguous genitalia. Equally, there are people with such conditions who feel like something in between male and female and will therefore not go through with any surgery. They accept themselves as having bodies which are a bit of both as that reflects who they are - they may feel like neither gender or a combination. This is not only the case for people with intersex conditions, but also for 100% biological males and 100% biological females. In a sense, as traumatic as it is to undergo the process of gender reassignment, being transsexual is simpler. In a transsexual person, the brain is hardwired to be male or female, and they can change their body to reflect the gender they identify with. For those of us who are not transgender, whether our sex is female, male, or indeterminable, the way forward is not so clear-cut. I feel exactly the same way as you. I'm female and do not wish to become a man. Sometimes I am comfortable with my breasts and wearing clothes that emphasise them. Other times (and increasingly), I feel uncomfortable with them being there. They are quite big and because I like to have quite a lot of muscle, I have pectoral muscles that cause them to look even more obvious. I feel like they stick out more. I feel at my most comfortable (psychologically) at the moment when I wear a sports bra. You can still see that they are big but they are strapped down in a way that makes me feel more comfortable. When I'm not wearing it and they are just these big things sticking out I feel horrible about it some of the time. I generally dress in a not particularly feminine but very clearly female way but some days I want to look more male. I'll do little things like hide my long hair in a hat because sometimes that just feels right. But when I do that, if I look down and see my boobs, I suddenly feel awful. But I don't want to get rid of them either. So, feeling like something in between can be very difficult because you may never be totally happy with your body. It wouldn't make me happy to look male but I don't feel happy looking female either. The fact that a lot of women feel this way about their breasts but not vaginas, makes me wonder if it is more an issue of not wanting to be perceived (at least not always) as a female, or as solely female. Breasts are such obvious features and people's attention is drawn to them. For me, feeling that I am somewhere in between a man and a woman, mentally, is a good thing overall. It makes me a very dynamic person. But it does come with it's downsides because it's not a simple case of wanting to change sex, it's wanting to be both and never feeling quite right as either one.
