I have been talking to a really sweet lady for about two years online. I do love her, love how crazy she makes me feel, how intense she gets, and she has stuck by me ever since. Now she has a boyfriend of two years. I was raped by the guy I was seeing around the time she started seeing her boyfriend. She has talked a lot about him, how wonderful he is, how happy she is and I am so happy for her, but I am miserable! I have for a long time compared her boyfriend to the guy that hurt me because it happened almost simentaneously. Now I never compare. I know better than that. I love that she has him and that he makes her very happy. But...I can't help how and what I feel. She never seems to want to meet me. She does everything right except that. She tells me that she is scared that I may not be who I am and I understand why she is hesitating. I would do the same. I just don't know how to assure her that I will always be around, will always be there, will always be who I am and will never judge her. I have pushed her a way a few times since she can get pretty intense and that bothers me. I am sensing that maybe she is feeling that I don't love her, that maybe she is just playing with my feelings, or maybe she thinks I am saying one thing but saying another later. I tend to do that if I am scared or nervous. I just wish this carnival ride would stop! It just keeps going in circles, over and over and over. I have thought about maybe just quitting and not talking to her anymore, but I feel like I invested too much in this to let go! I am always willing to just give her space and not talk to her for a while and let her think things through. I will be glad to do that. I just dont' like it that it's happening a lot. I just wish she would make a decision and stick with it, like meeting me or not to always have apprehensions about it. I just don't know what to do and what's right. Can I get your advice, please? This whole thing just makes me sad because I wonder if she is just missing out since I am a really sweet lady and I cherish my friends like they are the most important people to me. Thank you!
First off... Welcome to EC! I think that you shouldn't try to chase after someone who is already dating someone. I mean, even if you don't like this guy and associate him with someone who hurt you, he really could be a nice guy! Maybe she is really happy with her current relationship, and doesn't want it to change. If she is, then you SHOULD only feel happy for her. I think instead of chasing after her, you should wait and hope they break-up (as terrible as that sounds, I couldn't word it the way I wanted) or move on (because there are many other fish in the sea). As for her not trusting you, why don't you two video chat? She could see you aren't some creepy old guy this way. I'm sorry for the really blunt response, but chasing after her while she is in a relationship is not a good idea.
