Hi guys, I have a situation here that I need to get off my chest, get some advice and maybe a little encouragement. So, I have a crush on this guy at school. Big time. I don’t know him very well, but I’m pretty sure he’s interested in me, or at least was. So here’s a bit of back story. Sometime during the last school term, let’s say in February, I noticed this guy in one of my classes sitting next to me across the aisle. I sort of remembered him sitting near me a few times previously in this particular class and that day I kinda noticed that he was mimicking my actions a bit, like if I crossed my arms, he would cross his arms, if I stuck my legs out, he would follow. I had never noticed him before, which is weird since it’s basically the same group of people in our class since first year, but I thought “hmm who’s this? He’s cute.” So the following few weeks I kept my eye on him and lo and behold, I would catch him looking at me very often. Sometimes he would look away quickly (I did this too) and sometimes we would hold eye contact for a bit. A couple times, we even held eye contact for much longer than is normal for two guys who don’t know each other very well. One day after getting to class a bit late, and walking in front of him to get to my seat, I overhear him say to his friend something along the lines of “he’s the guy I was telling you about”. His friend then answers, “yeah, I’d do ‘im”.:lol: I’m not 100% sure they were talking about me, but logic says that since I had just walked by them, they were. So at this point I went from thinking “Does he like me?” to “omg he likes me, what do I do?” He tried to talk to me a couple times, but I’m very shy and get very nervous when he’s around, so I froze and just kinda mumbled something. Then I get angry at myself for not trying to start a conversation. I also noticed that he acted a bit differently when I was near, like he would talk a bit louder and more… animated? I don’t know how to explain exactly. The school year ended without anything ever being said. Over the summer, obviously I missed him, and convinced myself that when school started again, I would say something. But school started again, and the eye contact stopped. In fact it’s almost as if he’s totally ignoring me on purpose. And now I lost all my nerve to go talk to him, thinking I lost my chance, and my crush on him is bigger than ever. I have a few theories on what may have caused his sudden change of heart over the summer: 1.I misinterpreted the whole thing and he was never interested in the first place.(Unlikely) 2.He simply lost interest over the summer. (I don’t believe this is it) 3.He found a boyfriend (or girlfriend if bi). I hope this is not it because I can’t do anything about it. 4.I have reason to believe that he’s under the impression that I have a girlfriend. Another complicated story, but would explain why he never said anything to me. 5.He got tired of waiting for me to make a move, and because of 3. above thinks it’s hopeless and is trying to forget about me. This whole situation is becoming a problem, because I have a lot of things to deal with lately, getting very busy, and I don’t feel like doing anything, because all I want to do is think about him and what to do about this. Now it’s to a point that I really need to know if he’s still interested, because I can’t go on like this. I just want to ask him out, but I don’t know how. One problem is that even if I did want to talk to him, it would be extremely hard to talk to him alone, because at school, I’m always with my friends. Always. He’s almost always with his friends too, and our two groups don’t mix at all. I’m also not out at school, and don’t intend to be (unless I somehow end up in a relationship with this guy.) So, what should I do? Accept that he’s not interested anymore and move on? Should I email him? How do I lose my paralyzing nervousness around him? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. This ended up being way too long, so thanks to anyone who managed to read the whole thing.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! You know, one the things that we often do in situations like this, is over analyze and come up with theories that essentially tell us why we should not talk to someone or say to someone "this is me, and this is how I feel about you." Part of your indecision has to do with the larger question of making yourself vulnerable and putting yourself out there. Not being out, of course, adds another dimension because now you are facing a couple of things that you have to overcome. One, coming out to him, two, telling how you feel about him, and three, coming out to your friends and potentially his friends. As a side note and if I may suggest, I would not make your coming out contingent on being in a relationship or starting something with him or anyone for that matter. If you are comfortable with who you are, and feel ready to ask someone out, you are more than likely ready to come out. Coming out would make things easier - not only in finding someone with whom it clicks but also introducing that person to your circle of friends and allowing that person to be part of your life, and you of his. Something to think about. Okay... back to the topic at hand. Given what you have indicated here I think your best bet to overcome all of it is to talk to him. If you guys are constantly with your friends, find a time where you speak with him alone. When you see him, approach him, and just ask him, "do you have a minute?" and try to talk him somewhere a bit more private. It is going to be hard, in particular if you are nervous around him and a bit shy, but given that your feelings have started to overtake your thoughts, putting it out there, and having an answer might help. It is worth at least a try. If you try, and at the end of the day you feel that you are not ready to talk him, that is okay too. But at least you have tried and that in itself might allow you to start moving on. Hope this helps!
^Thanks, and thanks a lot for the reply, some good advice there. Yes, I'm over-analyzing, and I know that, but like I said he's taking over my every thought. I've been through this before twice, and both times ended with me telling the guy I was in love with them. So I'm kind of used to it by now. But I don't think that it's gonna happen like that this time, since I was friends with those guys before, and I barely know this guy. A couple points: I'm definitely ready to be out. Just not to my friends at school. I'm sure that most of them wouldn't care, but my best friend can be a bit homophobic. I'm pretty sure that we would remain friends since we're so close now, but that we would lose that "close" friendship we have. I'm already out to a few people in my life, but I'm very picky on who I tell. I even told another one of my friends at school that I like guys. He took it as me being bi, since I had a girlfriend just before meeting him, and I didn't correct him about it. He's quite a bit younger than me, and looks up to me a lot, and I don't think he likes the idea of me being gay, because nothing's ever been said about it since I told him that one night, and he's kept that in confidence even though I never asked him to. And he still talks about girls to me, like asks me if I want to be set up with one of his female friends. "Uh, no thanks" Like I said, I can't really just go talk to him, even though I would love to try. The opportunities just aren't there.:bang: I think the best I could do would be to just say "Hi, how's it going?" if we happen to have any eye contact, to try to open some kind of conversation. But he's totally ignoring me now, and I'm getting really discouraged. I think I really did just lose a great chance. Maybe I should follow his lead, and just try to forget about the whole thing. I need him out of my mind.:icon_sad:
well, sounds like he is just as nervious about you as you are of him. See if you can find some common ground, do some research what is he into? He sits next to you, does he ever a book or anything? Finding a reason to talk to him will open the door
I've thought this too, particularly from his body language around me. Well, I've seen him watch some videos on youtube. He seems to really be into BMX. Which is really cool, but just not one of my interests. (I'd go watch him do BMX any day though.) He was wearing a Super Mario t-shirt once, and I like to play super Mario bros. on occasion. lol I don't know what else to say. Good idea though, I'll keep that in mind.
A bit of an update. Again, I'm writting this here because I don't really have anyone to talk to about all this, and I just need to get it out, so any comments are welcome. Thursday was a pretty big day for me regarding my crush. I had a couple good opportunities to talk to him, but of course I froze and basically ignored him. The first instance was when we were both outside having a smoke. (I didn't know he smoked, maybe he just started, but I'm hoping this will open up some possibilities to talk to him in the future) Of course he was with his friends and I was with mine, seperate groups but close in proximity. I kept glacing at him to try to get eye contact and give him a smile and a nod or something, but no cigar. He keeps looking in my direction but never directly at me, that I can see. When I get back to class, he's already there, and when I'm about to take my seat, I see that he says something to his buddy. I can't hear what he says but then his friend replies, quite loudly "OMG,why don't you just tell him!" in a kind of " im sick of hearing about this" kind of voice. Then I look back at my crush and he looks red faced and makes no reply to that. They could've been talking about anyone and anything, but I like to think it was about me I guess that's one of the things preventing me from saying anything, I'm afraid that I'm making all this up in my head. The next day, our class was out on a field trip, we were just walking along, I was walking alone, and at one point I see that my crush is walking right next to me to my right. This would've been a perfect opportunity for me to say hi and talk to him, but what do I do? Just ignore him, once again. I just get too nervous when I see him. Over those couple days, there were a few instances of slight eyecontact, but he always looks away too quickly that I can't get a smile in or anything. When we're both outside having a smoke, he's always looking in my direction, like he'll look at something just beside me, as if he's keeping me in his peripheral vision, but never looks directly at me. Now it's the weekend and I can't stop thinking about him. I'm afraid that I'm confusing him as much as he's confusing me. I'm almost positive that he likes me but I still can't get up the courage to tell him I like him. I know that it's all up to me to say something, and I really, really want to, but can't. I also changed my "interested in" on facebook to men, hoping that my school friends will notice and say something so that I can tell them what's going on and hopefully they can help me with this.
