I'm 18 years old, and I'm not sure if I'm totally straight anymore.* I've been the biggest ally for a long time. I was in GSA at school, I stand against homophobia, and I ship Kurt an Dave Karofsky on 'Glee'. Lately though, it's my own sexuality I've been focusing on.* When I was younger and started watching porn, it wasn't long after I began that I realized I'd rather watch girl/girl than hetero. I was young, so I assumed it was because I still thought penises were gross.* Now I'm older, and it's a little more complicated than that.* I've had two boyfriends, and I haven't had sex. But lately, I've been finding girls more and more attractive. I still watch lesbian porn, because I find straight porn fairly boring. Romantically, I'm very into guys. I can only picture myself dating a guy, really. And I still find them attractive. Physically and sexually though, I'm more drawn to girls. But I couldn't see myself dating one.* I think I'm just going to let the chips fall where they may. If I fall in love with and marry a guy: great. If I fall in love with a girl, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. But an outside opinion would make me feel a lot better, even if it's just so I know that I'm not thinking backwards here.* Thanks for listening to my rant. First time on the site… Hope you guys can help.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! You have come to the right place to figure some of your feelings out. Reading through your post, it seems that you have started to identify a few things that indicate to you that you might be leaning towards girls, but that you also have attractions to guys. As you continue to explore your feelings/attractions, try to keep in mind thatit is possible to have different levels of emotional and physical attractions to girls/guys. As you continue on your quest to understand your feelings and attractions, things will become clearer. Not attaching a label to your feelings for now, might give you the freedom to really just follow what feels right for you. As you continue to 'gather evidence' on what your feelings are telling you, other feelings and possibilities might come up. Keeping an open mind and letting the "chips fall where they may" is a good approach.
I agree with Mirko. When I first started questioning my orientation, I flip flopped so many times between gay and bi that it made me dizzy I found that ignoring the labels for a while and just letting myself feel what I felt helped a lot. Just let yourself do, and you'll figure out what's right.
Just experiment with how you feel. Don't let anything or anyone for that matter, define who you are or who you'll be. Just do what you feel is best and date whoever you want and eventually it'll be more and more clear what you want.
Thank you guys so much for taking the time to respond to my post! I think my main problem now is whether I should talk to my mom about this. She's amazing and I can usuall talk to her about anything, and I know for 170% that she'll love me anyway. But I'm worried that a) I'll make a big deal about this for nothing, and end up not gay or bi after all, or b) that she won't think I really am. Since I have been so involved with GSA and gay couples on different shows and basically just a lot of gay things in general, I'm worried that she'll think it's just rubbed off on me. To be honest, I sometimes wonder that, too. Besides, I'd really rather not tell my mom that I'm more sexually attracted to girls, but romantically attracted to guys. Thoughts? I really, really appreciate getting to vent like this. I've never told any of this to anyone before. It's feels like a huge relief. Thank you.
Well I would say if you really want to tell your Mum then go for it, it might take a bit of explaining, or you could download some information from PFLAG to give her when you tell her, sounds like long term she will be supportive. However there is no rush to tell her, perhaps if you are going to just see what happens then you could tell her at a later date. There really is no right or wrong answer, some people want to tell people they are questioning, other people like to tell people once they have decided and some people only tell people when they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. It really is just up to you. Im curious about something you said above (so you dont have to answer if you dont want to), what makes you feel like you would never end up in a relationship with a girl?
There's no specific reason, really; It's just harder for me to picture myself dating a girl. Guys are fine… I loved having a boyfriend. It was fun and comfortable, but I haven't really felt a spark yet. Whether that's because I like girls more or whether I just haven't found the right guy, I'm not exactly sure. And I don't exactly have guys or girls lining up to date me lol. Similarly, it's harder for me to picture having sex with a guy than with a girl. Which makes all of it a bit more confusing. I have tried to picture myself dating a girl. The only one I have an actual sort-of-a-crush on is my best friend (who, incidentally, labels herself bi). I'd never go for it, but she's who I picture dating. And it's weird, but while I love when a guy does thigs like put his arm around me when we sit, take control of a situation (not that I'm a wilting flower, mind you), I picture myself doing these things if I were with a girl. Maybe I'm looking too far into this, but this is really helping me figure stuff out. It feels like this is the best place to do so. I really appreciate the support, guys.
No problem anytime. Sometimes people struggle more to see themselves with a girl because society leads us to imagine ourselves with the opposite sex so even once we discover our sexuality it can take a while for our imagination to adjust so to speak. You have however definitely come to the right place.
Girl, I am exactly the same way! I have a bf and we've had sex. It was very passionate and I definitely enjoyed it. But same as you, I prefer to watch lesbian porn, I don't see myself ever dating or marrying a girl. I've kissed only one girl and it was so different from kissing a guy. It was wonderful but yet I feel a connection when I kiss my bf. all I tell people so far who ask is that I'm straight but I like to have fun with girls.. I've never had sex with a girl, though I do secretly want to. But just know that you are not alone! I know exactly how you feel.
Thank you so much to everyone replying to this. It feels great to get a few outside thoughts. Especially Pcdgirl17. Thank you for being someone I relate to. It's a huge relief.
Soooo… I kinda just told my mom. I didn't mean to; hadn't really planned on it. But I guess I wa being really quiet while thinking over some of this stiff. And she asked what was wrong. And so I guess I just… told her. I made sure she knew that I wasn't 100% sure if I liked girls or not, though. Doing it in the car on the way to Costco's probably wasn't the smartest move on my part. She seemed really shocked at first, but hasn't really done anything different except talk less. When we got home from the store, she hugged me and said we'd talk later. Do you guys think this was a good idea? She seems fine with it, but I'm afraid she's going to see me differently now. And I thought telling her might make me feel better, but my chest is still aching. I don't know… I guess I'll check back in after we talk. Wish me luck.
On the subject of you not being able to to picture yourself with a woman in the future, it could just be that, since childhood you've probably pictured yourself with a man, and you've dated only guys before, and now you have a very strong image of yourself marrying a man that has been built up for years that is going to be hard to get rid of in a couple months.
Ok, this thread described exactly what I'm going through right now. I've had a few boyfriends, none of which I actually felt a "spark" or anything with. I have imagined my future, and its always with girls. I have the biggest crush on my super straight female best friend. Lately I've been talking more and more to another lesbian girl my age online, but I just could never see myself in a relationship with her, or any other girl for that matter, except for my best friend... I'm just not sure what to do. Somebody please help. All advice is welcome. Thank you! :help:
