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Feeling Selfish/Being supportive

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tamaluv7, Oct 5, 2012.

  1. Tamaluv7

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    East Texas
    Gender:
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    First of all; let me start by thanking anyone who has given me advice here in the past. I've always come away from this site with the answers I was looking for.
    Which is, of couse, why I always come back here when I'm feeling lost.

    So here's my dilemma.
    My partner is trnsgedered(ftm). I'm totally ok with this and do everything I can to support her in this. She knows I love her now and will continue to love her throughout the process and completion of her becoming a man.
    But there is a small snag.
    Since she told me that she felt like a man, me decided to starting steps to make this change, our sex life has become nonexistent.
    Again, I understand that she isn't comfortable in her own body, which makes it difficult for her to be physically intimate with me. I really do.
    And I certainly do not want to push her to do anything if she isn't comfortable. That would only make things worse.
    Truthfully, though, I'm feeling neglected.
    I have a very high sex drive, and I am a very touchy-feely kind of person. Showing affection physically is just what I do.
    I try to be careful. I avoid touching her chest because it makes her uncomfortable. I try not to be overly affectionate in public, and I don't pressure her for sex.
    Whatever her issues though, I love and want her still. And Id like to be able to express it physically as well.
    But because I know what she is going through is hard on her, I feel selfish for worrying about our sudden lack of sex.
    I've talked to her about this before, but neither of us seems to be able to find middle ground.
    How do we get past this?
    Have an
    y couples in a similar situation dealt with this?
    Did ya'll get through it?
    How?
    AM I being selfish, and just not realizing it?
     
  2. aaronq

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're not being selfish. It seems that you just don't know how to address the situation at hand.

    To begin with, if your partner is working on a sex change to male, start working on addressing him as such. It takes work and several apologies, but you'll make it a good habit to affirm what he knows.

    Let him know that you feel neglected in that way, and ask how he feels about your current intimacy situation.

    That's a start.
     
  3. Tamaluv7

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    East Texas
    Gender:
    Female
    I do address her as a male in private. Even though she's out as a lesbian, she's not out as trans to anyone but me. So in any public setting, even here, she prefers that i don't. And we've taped about this before, multiple times. The problem is that she's not going to feel comfortable until she's been able.to at least start transitioning. Which she is a long way from emotionally, and financially. She doesn't have any suggestions on how I can make her more comfortable with it all and maybe try to start bridging our physical relationship. We're both lost on this one.