This is my very first post here, so sorry if it seems rude to ask for advice straight away; Just tell me if I've crossed a line! I am 20 and I have questioned my sexuality since I was in my early teens, but kept it under wraps mainly just because for some reason at the time I was thinking about it the most, people my age everywhere seemed to be saying they were bisexual and so I was afraid nobody would take me seriously, and would think I was just trying to sound cool (especially as I was one of the unpopular kids). I knew I was attracted to women, and the thought of being with a woman was just the most amazing thing in the world to me. I never pursued it, and so several years down the line, I am engaged, living with my fiancee and I have an 18 month old son with him. I've always been honest with him about the way I feel, and he's known that I thought of myself as bisexual since before we were together, as we were best friends first. He recently let me explore my sexuality when the opportunity arose, and I've been seeing this girl (whom I shall call Holly), an out lesbian, quite often. I expected it to be predominantly a sex thing, but Holly found that she was genuinely interested in me from the start, and so we took it slow instead. Of course, I made sure this was all okay with my fiancee first, I am not doing anything behind his back. I spoke to Holly about the way I view men & women, and explained that I don't find any men I see attractive anywhere, that I don't actually enjoy sex with men, that girl-on-girl porn has always been my preference, and she's made me explore the possibility that maybe I am actually a lesbian? We've had sex once so far and it just felt so much more right than anything I've ever experienced sexually before, but could this just be the fact it's something new? Though I live with my partner, it is true that there is no sexual attraction there whatsoever. I don't think I could live without him though, we truly make a great team as parents and really help each other. We'll cuddle during movies and things, but it's always more just a friendly hug than anything. Now, though, he's getting worried, and keeps saying "Promise me you won't leave me for a woman," and it's really worrying me. I've only known Holly for a while, but I do really really like her. I couldn't leave my family behind for someone I've only really known a few months, though, but I spend all my time at home now wishing I could have what I have with my fiancee with a woman. I spend all my free time thinking about Holly, but I love my family. I'd like to just take it further and see how things could go with this girl, but it's not fair on her to be treated like my 'bit on the side.' Can anyone give me some advice?
Oh my gosh, you are in an extremely tough situation. Has your fiance ever met Holly? If they are fond of each other, you may possibly be able to live all together and raise your child as a group of three. You know those families who are so close to other families that they call their parents friends their aunt or uncle. You could have one of those situations. Maybe you should wait for the marrage. I would talk to your fiance about the whole thing, and if he feels uncomfortable with the idea, I would try to comprimise with Holly.
Is there a way to remain living and best friends with the man who is currently your fiance without being in a relationship with him?
Thanks for the replies! Living as a group of three just wouldn't be possible; Holly lives and works quite far away. She's only 18 too, so I'm trying to not get too attached. She is extremely mature for her age, but she's still young and and it's a bit of a weird situation to get her into. At the same time though, she just seems perfect to me, naive and clichéd as it sounds. I've spoken to my fiancée about how I've been worried, but he's not much help because he is worried about what's going to happen to our family unit. I would love to be able to stay living with him whilst having a relationship with Holly, but I'm anxious about how it will turn out. My family really likes him and they are always telling me how lucky I am that he's still with me after us having a baby together so young. I just feel so confused! Every time I see Holly I want to be able to have a relationship with her and I can feel myself falling for her more and more, but I feel like the fact I have a family is like a brick wall standing in my way, and leaving my fiancée would be a really selfish act.
